Category: Bangin’

Pimpin’ Out Christmas

Santa and His Special “Elf”

The Countdown has begun. No, dumbass, not The Countdown to the Super Bowl. The Countdown to the visit by a fat guy in a red suit driving a Corvette pulled by 400 horses. I made that part up. About the Corvette that is. Actually, the Fat Guy in the Red Suit has a pretty cool   ride – a low rider sleigh with neon lights all around the the “edges” of it. Red and green of course. Gotta stay in the spirit of the season. The sleigh is also decorated with chrome “rails”, its tires, if you will. Hidden behind the pink and purple (not so Christmas-y but The Fat Guy in the Red Suit is a big Elvis fan. Go figger) tuck and roll bench seat that The Fat Guy in the Red Suit sits on, (not so Christmas-y but The Fat Guy in the Red Suit is a big Elvis fan. Go figger) lays a 12 inch tube bass that thumps out rap versions of Christmas carols – except for Silent Night , because it mentions a virgin. Rap guys have never seen a virgin so they have no idea what it means. Yo yo, dumbasses, my niggas. <—--their word, not mine) The eight tiny reindeer are dressed up like pimps from a 70s “blacksploitation” movies, like Blackula. Even Rudolph is gettin’ in on the act. He now has some bling in that red nose of his – a diamond about the size of Suge Knight.

Christmas sure has changed since that day 2000 years ago. No longer do many of us not even think of the birth of the baby that would offer mankind Salvation and Eternal Life. It’s all about the bling. You know what I mean…the latest doll that pisses herself like a real baby for your 6 year old daughter. Or the video game for your 10 year old son. The game that shows human vermin killing cops and soldiers. That kind of bling. And I, for one, am sick and damn tired of it. All you wastes of skin can celebrate it however you see fit. That’s your right – a right that you’ll bitch about somebody “infringing” upon, but you’ll curse and spit upon the soldiers who protect that right for you. You ungrateful, saggy pants wearin’, crack smokin’, drug dealin’, ho sellin’, gang bangin’ bunch of pussies. Fuck you! Why don’t you take a little time this Christmas and read a few pages of a book? The Bible is a good place to start. Oh, that’s right, you can’t read because being a banger was more important than school and you quit in 9th grade. You were lucky to make it that far, but your teachers promoted you because they saw what a hopeless piece of shit you are and they wanted to pass you on to the next poor bastard who was gonna “teach”. I bet a dollar to a donut that your Mother knows the book well. Sit down and let her read it to you. It just might, just might mind you, plant a seed in your mind that what your doing with your life is the waste of a potentially good soul. One more thing…it might be the thing that’s makes your Mama proud of you again. Think about it. Life can’t get any more repugnant than the “existence” that you live now.

Merry Christmas.

Dumbasses.

***Photo Courtesy of Freaking News.com*** 

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