Category: Bigotry

Bank Robbery, Bigot Math and The Frozen Dead Guy!

Portrait of Fearless Leader

Best of Dumbass News

Your Fearless Leader of The Dumbass Horde (me) has had a busy day thus far this cold (15 degrees @ 16:26 EST; the low tonight? 3 below zero!) Saturday in New England. All I can say is that I’m glad Santa brought me a Gazebo Warmer ® for Christmas. Otherwise it could have tragic. And my voice, which is a solid baritone, would have gone up a couple of octaves. God bless the man who invented The Gazebo Warmer ®. Twice. Once for each gazebo. I’m just sayin’.

The tag line of this blog (“Bringin’ the Dumbassery on a Daily Basis”) has never been more appropriate than it was this week. We had enough dumbassery in one week….let me put it this way: if dumbassery was bling, I’d make Flava Flav look like he dressed like Jed Clampett.

Even though I’m late with the dumbassery today, I believe you’ll agree it was worth the wait. For example…

  • This week was so full of outstanding dumbassery that the most “sane” dipshit of the week was a guy who paid his girlfriend’s rent…..by robbing banks! That ought to be a major clue as to what’s yet to come.
  • Speaking of banks (<—-excellent Dumbass Segue)…A Wells Fargo Bank in  where else but California,. was hell bent on making withdrawals extremely simple for not only their customers, but everybody else too! They accomplished this unprecedented form of Customer Service by leaving the bank’s front doors OPEN all weekend!
  • In our most disgusting display of dumbass douchebaggery of the week, school board members in Norcross, Georgia showed their true colors (pun intended) towards black folks without even uttering a word. Hint: It concerns slavery and math. Be prepared to curse aloud. It’s that Ludacris. <—-humor noir
  • Bonus Dumbassery! Every story I post on Dumbass News is kind of like one of my kids. You know what I mean if you’re the parent of more than one child. You love them all, but not one more than the other. Having said that, I have a very difficult time not favoring the story of The Frozen Dead Guy over the other 446 posts on this blog. It’s Classic Dumbass from beginning to end with a healthy dose of international intrigue thrown in for good measure. This is a must read!

Dare I say that This Week in Dumbass News History will forever be the epitome of what the chronicling of dumbassery should be? I dare. Has the bar been set impossibly high for future Dumbass News content? Why, hell no!

I think I have just issued a challenge to myself. Challenge accepted.

Dumbass.

Day 447 May Be Number 1

The Best Dumbass News Week Ever?

Your Fearless Leader of The Dumbass Horde (me) has had a busy day thus far this cold (15 degrees @ 16:26 EST; the low tonight? 3 below zero!) Saturday in New England. All I can say is that I’m glad Santa brought me a Gazebo Warmer ® for Christmas. Otherwise it could have tragic. And my voice, which is a solid baritone, would have gone up a couple of octaves. God bless the man who invented The Gazebo Warmer ®. Twice. Once for each gazebo. I’m just sayin’.

The tag line of this blog (“Bringin’ the Dumbassery on a Daily Basis”) has never been more appropriate than it was this week. We had enough dumbassery in one week….let me put it this way: if dumbassery was bling, I’d make Flava Flav look like he dressed like Jed Clampett.

Even though I’m late with the dumbassery today, I believe you’ll agree it was worth the wait. For example…

  • This week was so full of outstanding dumbassery that the most “sane” dipshit of the week was a guy who paid his girlfriend’s rent…..by robbing banks! That ought to be a major clue as to what’s yet to come.
  • Speaking of banks (<—-excellent Dumbass Segue)…A Wells Fargo Bank in  where else but California,. was hell bent on making withdrawals extremely simple for not only their customers, but everybody else too! They accomplished this unprecedented form of Customer Service by leaving the bank’s front doors OPEN all weekend!
  • In our most disgusting display of dumbass douchebaggery of the week, school board members in Norcross, Georgia showed their true colors (pun intended) towards black folks without even uttering a word. Hint: It concerns slavery and math. Be prepared to curse aloud. It’s that Ludacris. <—-humor noir
  • Bonus Dumbassery! Every story I post on Dumbass News is kind of like one of my kids. You know what I mean if you’re the parent of more than one child. You love them all, but not one more than the other. Having said that, I have a very difficult time not favoring the story of The Frozen Dead Guy over the other 446 posts on this blog. It’s Classic Dumbass from beginning to end with a healthy dose of international intrigue thrown in for good measure. This is a must read!

Dare I say that This Week in Dumbass News History will forever be the epitome of what the chronicling of dumbassery should be? I dare. Has the bar been set impossibly high for future Dumbass News content? Why, hell no!

I think I have just issued a challenge to myself. Challenge accepted.

Dumbass.

The "Dummies" of 2011 & the 1st Dumbasses of 2012

100% Dumbass News Approved***

We are already one full week into 2012 and things around Dumbass News keep getting better and better, thanks to you, the Dumbasses of the World in 121 Dumbass Nations. I like the sound of that, Dumbass Nations. Has sort of a “band of brothers” feel to it. I am honored to be your Fearless Dumbass Leader, the Duke of Dumbass the Head Dumbass in Charge, the…OK, that’s enough of that.  

Sorry, I lost my mind just for a moment.

Anyway, 2012 is shaping up to be by far, the best year ever for this blog and I am excited as a Dumbass Hobo in a likker store with a pocket full of cheese. For those of you in San Francisco, “cheese” is not what you guys find in your dirty Fruit of the Looms, it means “money” ya frakkin’ idjits. Speaking of cash flow, mine has slowed down to an ebb and your generous Dumbass Donation can be made through PayPal by clicking on the “Donate” button in the right sidebar. Any such gifts would be greatly appreciated. Dumbasses. 🙂


The 1st Week of 2012 

We left 2011 behind in grand style as we paid homage to the best dumbasses last year had to offer. The explosion of dumbassery carried over into the New Year with the first few dumbasses of 2012. 

So, let’s hop into the Dumbass Wayback Machine and take a look at this past week of the best dumbass news stories found anywhere in the World Wide Web.

The 1st Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Awards  

For a complete look at the various “You Big Dummy” Award nominees and the winners in the different categories click this link. (After reading the story, scroll down below the post and look for “Newer Posts”, click there on every page and that will lead you to next Award Presentation. Just keep going until you get to the “You Big Dummy” winner) 

The Oscars, Grammys and all those fake awards have nothing on the “Dummies”. Hey, we take this shit seriously, unlike those pussies at the other award shows. Our Dumbass of the Year candidates are selected and awarded based on the merits of their dumbassery. No politics involved. Unless it tweaks the Fwench and the homos and non-homos of San Francisco. I hate the Fwench and the jizz dumpsters in San Fran.

  • Starting 2012 with a Threefer Dumbass Bonus! The three “Curious” Old Bastards in this story scream for the manly affections of the Twinkletoes Crowd in S.F. Truly sickening and truly dumbass. Ya gotta love it.
  • The Pistola in Starbucks – Dumbass chick takes loaded gun to coffee shop. Gun discharges. Criminal procedures ensue.
  • I’ll Take “I Got Fined $200 Large for Keeping Chickens in My Yard Because the City is Run By Bigots”, Alex – This one is a riot. The Dumbass in this tale of woe claims he is being singled out by City Officials because he is of Moroccan-Syrian extract. Did I mention that he is a Jew? To my knowledge, the fine dictators of Morocco and Syria would find great pleasure in BBQing this fucking idiot and using him for camel food simply because he is a Jew, and he claims prejudice in the F-L-A? I am almost 100% certain that the asshole is the only person of Arab heritage in Florida, so it must be bigotry. <—–That’s sarcasm, by the way. Read it and weep.

Now you can understand why I am so stoked about 2012. I am confident that the crop of Dumbasses in ’12 will be the Best Bunch Ever! Especially if they are butthurt Arabs, Fwench or homos in San Francissy. This year is gonna be great!

Dumbasses.

***See Copyright in Image***

Dumbasses Still Label Ethnic Groups, Dumbassery Ensues

Americans

I read an article today that took all of five words to actually make me stop reading and check the calendar to see what year and century we are actually living in. Sure enough, the calendar read December 14, 2010, although some people, meaning Liberals, would have you believe otherwise. According to these dumbasses, we are still living in the South in 1930.  (I’ll post another piece some day on the treatment Liberals and Yankees give the South. Let me tell you right now, it won’t be pretty) I am gonna copy and paste the first two lines of the offending article on AOL news written by some dumb fuck from the Associated Press.

First, the headline. “Black segregation in US drops to lowest in century”. I ain’t makin’ this shit up. Being the skeptic I am, two Dallas-sized red flags came up immediately. One red flag is “Associated Press”, a group who long ago gave up any pretense of being an impartial news organization. The other red flag is the headline. You’ll have to take my word on this, but I have read no further into the article than that. However, I glanced at it looking for an author’s name and I did notice the words “Hispanic”, “West” and “South”. What it says after that, I have no idea. I instinctively know that the South will be portrayed in a less than complimentary manner and that white guys are to blame. Those may not be the exact words of the story, but I’ll bet you a nickel that those points will be made in some “code” words. I am now gonna read the entire piece and I’ll get right back to you.

I didn’t make it to the end of the story, I just got in a couple of paragraphs before I read on. According the dumbass author of this shit, the numbers used in the writing of the AP story come from the US Census Bureau. Fair enough. The Census Bureau is a great place to get such information. The following paragraph quotes some dumbass from the Brookings Institute, which is not exactly a hot bed of Conservative thinkers. Oh, hell, I’ll just say it! It’s Liberal Septic Think tank. Here’s what the dumbass from the Brookings Institute had to say, “It’s taken a Civil Rights movement and several generations to yield noticeable segregation declines for blacks,” said William H. Frey, a demographer at the Brookings Institution who reviewed the census data. “But the still-high levels of black segregation in some areas, coupled with uneven clustering patterns for Hispanics, suggest that the idea of a post-racial America has a way to go.” What. The. Fuck? Here are my thoughts on this matter. First, to Mr. Frey, fuck you, asshole! Moving on, I am from Texas. In Texas, I have personally seen black men dating or married to WHITE women! In Texas! We must have run out of hanging trees or I didn’t get my KKK membership invitation. Asswipe. One of my best friends back home is a NEGRO! Or is it black man? Or African American? One of my sisiters married a black guy.  My family accepted him as a member of our family, not as some hyphenated tool of a bunch of dumbasses who wanted him to be hyphenated. You tell me? Who are the bigots? My family who accepted this man into our family or Liberals who see a hyphenated man who is the victim of white racists? See what I mean?

I’ll tell you what, the Liberals have given people of African descent so damn many race-identifying names, that I don’t know which one to use. That’s how these dumbass dickweeds (Liberals, not Negroes) operate. Instead of everybody being Americans, Liberals assign some dumbass name with a hyphen on each ethnic group, (except white guys, we are still called white guys but much more derision than in the past) in order to keep folks of different skin colors feeling as if one group might contract some disease by simply being near the other group. They pigeon hole people as this or that effectively dividing us into imaginary groups, instead of trying to unite us as one people – Americans.

I’m going to rebut every single minute point in the article. That would take all night. The main gist of the thing is that whites, blacks and Hispanics tend to live in an area where their neighbors look like them. That’s a shocker, ain’t it?  We have about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. Knowing that, let me ask you this. If you were to enter the US and had no working knowledge of the language, little idea of how our society operates from day to day and you don’t have documents that show you to be here legally, where would you move to? YES! You’d move to a place where people looked like you and spoke your native language. These people have little choice in the matter. As for citizens of this country, millions of neighborhoods in all sections of the US are populated with persons of all backgrounds and ethnicity. Just take a ride around your town and find out for yourself. Everybody in the United States of America has an equal shot at success and a comfortable lifestyle and brighter future for their kids. I’m not saying that bigotry doesn’t exist, it clearly does, but it’s nowhere near as widespread as Liberals and other leftist dumbasses would have you believe. I’m saying that if someone has the strength of character and the will to succeed, anyone can do it, despite the roadblocks laid out in front of them. It may be a bumpy ride along the way, but like my Mama said, “sometimes life is that way”. That’s what’s known as the Promise of America. And the Promise of America is blind to skin color.

Not until people like the dumbass that wrote the article for the AP and race baiters like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton finally fade off into the sunset or by some miracle, see the error in their dumbass ways, will this country ever see the end of bigotry. Dumbasses.

If you want to, you can read this bullshit in its totality here. If you’ve eaten recently, let your food digest if you don’t want to taste it twice. Just sayin’.