Category: Bird Cage Liners

Dumbass Newspaper Headlines!

Dumbass Headlines

Something we haven’t done in a while is Dumbass Newspaper Headlines, so I figured today would be a good day to do them. My source is littlecalamity.tripod.com and they do not specify from which newspaper these headlines come, so I have no way of giving credit where credit is due. I shall, however, steal use them and make the funny.

  • 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves – God knows what they would have won if they had thunder thighs
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft – Note to astronaut: No red beans and cornbread just before next liftoff. I’m just sayin’.
  • Big Ugly Woman Wins Beauty Pageant (Newspaper in town of Big Ugly, WV) – Good thing the town ain’t named Big Ass.
  • Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case- And I thought an 8 x 12 foot cell was small.
  • Include your Children When Baking Cookies- Children add texture to the cookies.
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant- That’s one way to save on court costs.
  • Lack of brains hinders research Must be the same dumbasses who believe in global warming.
  • Miners Refuse to Work After Death – That’s a very effective retirement plan.
  • Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped – And from what I understand, she likes it too.

There ya go. Those are just a few of the headlines from bird cage liners from all around the country. You can now understand why print newspapers are going out of business faster than shit through a goose. That leaves us with only one thing to say.

Dumbasses.

Advertisements