Category: Birds

Parrot Flees Owner, Searches for Strip Clubs

Parrot in the Jungles of Brazil & Shit

Have you ever been around a parrot? I have, and let me tell you that they are magnificent birds. They are also very expensive birds. I once worked at a pet store (great job, Yankee bosses) and we were selling a 4 year old Amazon parrot for about $2000. I know they can be bought cheaper than that, but this bird was from the jungles of Brazil or some shit. I think her name was “Cheyenne” or some hippie shit (the Yankee bosses were old hippies), but, man, was this bird incredible. This guy in New York City had an Amazon parrot too. Until he took it out for a bike ride!

Bye Bye, Birdie

Now that I’ve quit laughing, I can go on with this story. This NYC guy, Allen, went for a bicycle ride around the Big Apple one day and thought, “I have a great idea! I’ll take my $2000 Amazon parrot straight from the jungles of Brazil and shit, for a bike ride! He can sit on my shoulder as I pedal around the largest city in the country showing eight million people what a dumbass I am. What fun!” What a mistake. Allen goes on with his plan, tales the bird, straight from the jungles of Brazil and shit, bike riding while he (the bird) was sitting on Allen’s shoulder. Then the parrot remembered that he was from the jungles of Brazil and shit and starts to get homesick. He (the bird) also remembers the good old days of flyong around the jungles of Brazil and shit chasing the hot parrot babes and visiting Parrot Strip Clubs and shit. So his instincts take ove and guess what? Yup.The bird said, “Allen you’re an idiot for bringing a once-wild bird, untethered, outside. I bid you an A.M.F.” For those of you in OcupyMyAss movements around the USA, that means Adios Mother Fucker.

Futility

The bird flew the coop and what does Allen do? He goes all over NYC hunting for the damned parrot. Face it, chump, you are out one bird and and two large. You are also a dumbass. I don’t care how tame you think a wild animal is, one day the beast’s instincts will take over, and no matter how trained you think he is, you can not un-do what has been bred into that particular species for thousands or even millions of years. So, Allen’s bird split. That’s what parrots from the jungles of Brazil and shit do.

Free as a Bird 

Also by blowin’ the scene with Allen, the bird proved smarter than the man, which in Allen’s case wasn’t any major deal. The parrot’s out looking for Parrot Strip Clubs and the NYC equivalent of a jungle (The Bronx, maybe?) and Allen is at home curled up in the fetal position contemplating buying a goldfish. Let’s hope he doesn’t take the fish bike riding too.

Dumbass.