|His Face Beat the Hell Out of a Frying Pan|
Dumbass crooks and Old Southerners don’t mix, especially if a dumbass crook tries to bust into an Old Southerner’s house. I just happen to have such a story for you today, so what are we waitin’ for?
There’s this dumbass thief in Florida who this that Old Farts are easy marks for his eee-vil intentions. (That’s the eee-vil intentions of the dumbass, not the old guy) This particular dumbass barked up the wrong tree when he decided to jack with 81 year old Bobby Smith of Jacksonville. let me splain.
Mr. Smith was outside doing some gardening when his housekeeper told him that there was an intruder in the house. Mr. Smith then went inside to see what was up when he encountered the dumbass in question. The dumbass then attempted to relieve Mr. Smith of his wallet. This was a stupid move by our dumbass. Mr. Smith grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on in order to defend himself and his property – a frying pan full of fried potatoes. Next thing you know, WHAM! Right in the fucking kisser. It was at this point that the dumbass crook lost his desire to commit a felony against Bobby Smith. Another incentive to change his plans from robbery to gettin’ the hell away from Bobby Smith came in the form of the dumbass’ teeth rolling like chiclets on Mr. Smith’s kitchen floor. Inflicting further humiliation upon a dumbass criminal who got his ass kicked by an 81 year old man with a frying pan, Bobby Smith also picked up a nearby pitch fork and shishkabobbed the fleeing
pussy dumbass and left him bleeding like a stuck pig. bwahahahahaha!
The cops caught the dumbass a short time later, arrested him and put him the Womens’ Geriatric Justice Center where, to this very day, Little Old Ladies beat him senseless with support hose and granny panties. OK, I made that part up. But it doesn’t negate the fact that he got his gazebos handed to him by Bobby Smith.
Old Southerner – 1
Crook – 0