It was on this date in 1977, The King died. yes, on Augusta 16, 1977 Elvis Presley was found dead in the bathroom of his beloved Graceland mansion.
I still remember when I found out this sad news about the King. Elvis had to be the coolest guy to ever live. renting out movie theaters and amusement parks just so he could enjoy a “normal” life away from being the King of Rock n Roll. He did all this not only for himself, but for his what was called his Memphis Mafia, those friends closest to him and their families.
But this post is to bury Elvis not praise him. Since The Coolest Guy Ever died while on his Throne, I wanted to commemorate this auspicious occasion with a story of the same nature. A story of a Dumbass in the People’s Republic of Boulder who didn’t die taking a shit, but who was busted for being a Peeping Tom with port-o-potties being his venue of choice.
Port-o-Potties, the Bain of Mankind
I have written stories about Dumbasses and Port-o-Potties before. Like this one about a guy who enjoys doo doo diving in them. And this tale of a guy who got hammered then got locked in a Port-o-Potty overnight. Ain’t that some shit?
|The Potty Peeper & His Shit Lawyer***|
Now comes the story of some Dumbass who made peep holes in port-o-potties being used at a yoga festival! This jackass got kicks on Route 66 by looking at wimmin peeing and pooping (wimmin poop they don’t shit) in between yoga routines. Ain’t that some shit?
What the hell kind of fetish is it that a man gets his jollies by watching wimmin use the head? While he is up to his waist in waste inside the tank of the toilet! If some dumbass were so inclined to do something like this, wouldn’t it be more “practical” to peep into the dressing room area? Nekkid wimmin vs pooping wimmin is a no brainer in my book, but I have absolutely no desire to be a Peeping Tom. Except when Mrs. Fearless Leader and I play our “little game” on Saturday nights.
But I digress.
Naturally, I have some questions and it is incumbent upon me as your Saturday Night Freakapalooza Fearless Leader to bring these querries to the forefront.
- Where is the outcry from the fine Liberal Pansies of Boulder for port-o-potty control? Let the federal Gubmint regulate the manufacture and sale of port-o-potties across this land! Why not? You Commie Pussies want the gubmint to run your life from cradle to grave, why not let have at portable shitters as well?
- How does a guy create peep holes in numerous potties on the go (hahahahaha I made a funny) and not get noticed?
- Why in Gawd’s name would a guy want create peep holes in numerous potties on the go in the first place?
- Peeping from tank itself ? Enough said.
- Why isn’t this Dumbass in a mental institution somewhere?
- Elvis still dead. Unless he is still living a hermit’s existence in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Is K-town on the UP of Michigan? If so, does that make the King of Rock n Roll a Yooper?
***From the Boulder Daily Camera***
When I say this job is easy, I didn’t know it would ever be this easy. Below you find a sampling of 25 flat funny newspaper headlines I came across on BuzzFeed.com. If you are in a location like work where laughing your ass off out loud would be, shall we say, “distracting”, go to the toilet for a minute to read this post. If you are ROFFLMFAO in the can, your co-workers will think you are either on your cell phone (good) or slappin’ the monkey. (bad). Regardless get ready for more shamelessly copied and pasted from BuzzFeed.com.
Remember, these are actual newspaper headlines from all around the country.
Two things. 1) Dad has a smile on his face. 2) Judging by the size of Susie’s mouth, she wants to congratulate Dear Old Dad. I’m just sayin’.
Obviously that improvement hasn’t made it into headline writing. Notice the byline? It’s the Associated Press. “Nuff said.
Obama’s package is big enough to have screwed the whole damn country. I’m turned off, too. One good thing though, Obama ain’t got any balls.
The Lady is a Tramp.
I know this to be true as I have faced many obstables in my life which led me to step in many steaming piles of horse shiite.
A lot of hookers play with Tiger’s balls, too, Fearless Leader says.
Many a man has hurt his wang while going deep.
Where do you expect it go? AlAnon?
The Nationagsujw;efuq Football Leanjweivfjvqwjevv9
I have been to Boulder hundreds of times and am still amazed at what the women grow and where they grow it.
What can I say?
More Dead Ahead
I left out a few good ones for the sake of brevity, but you can see the rest of the Dumbass Headlines that are paired with these at BuzzFeed.
And if you should make the headlines, I hope it’s for doing something extremely stoopid. 🙂
Dumbass News Extra!
Dumbass News Headlines is always a popular feature here on the blog. And since we are growing in popularity at such a rapid pace, I decided to throw in a few of the prvious Dumbass News Headlines posts from the first 22 months in the life of Dumbass News.
Here’s a list of links to more Dumbass News Headlines: