Category: British

UK Guy Goes Fishin’, Catches Diver by Scrotum!

Scrotum Fisherman

Best of Dumbass News 

The story I am about to enlighten you with is something very close to what happened to me once while fishing, so I totally believe in its veracity. Besides, the British newspaper The Telegraph wouldn’t lie to us, would they? Of course not! (coughbullshitcough)

It seems that this British Guy was fishing for mackerel in the surf of the Atlantic Ocean near Exmouth, England, when he got what he thought was the bite of a lifetime. Heart pounding at the mere thought of a giant catch, British Guy set the hook and fought the beast for must have seemed like an eternity. The catch then surfaced and British Guy’s pounding heart sank into his shorts, exposing something he would not expected in a million years. He had caught a …wait…for …it…scuba diver! I swear I am not making this up. Adding insult to injury, the diver was hooked in the balls! This gets even better. The diver’s girlfriend surfaced about this time and removed the fish hook from the guy’s nut sack, swam to shore and, according to the fishing British Guy, “nonchalantly handed the hook back to me and apologised.” bwahahahahahaha! That’s great stuff right there. Those whacky Brits are a laugh a minute, aren’t they? Stiff upper lip and all that. If a fisherman hooked me in the manhood, I come up with a spear gun and send him to his Reward. I’m just sayin’.

The dumbass in this story is the Scuba Diver. Why? He was supposed to have a little floating marker that showed divers were in the area. He didn’t. Dumbass. British Guy also had this to say, “My brother-in-law’s a diver and he said it served the bloke right – at the end of the day he could have ruined his kit (British for “nut sack”) or even worse.” Off the top of my head, I can’t think of many things worse than a 1/0 fish hook embedded in my scrotum, but I am sure that such things exist. Where? I don’t know, but they must exist and I do not want to know about them. Enough said.

The moral of this story is that when scuba diving the diver must let fishermen, boats, whatever, know that he is diving in the area. The diver should also, unlike the diver in the story, wear a protective cup over his junk just in case. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of nut sack.

Dumbass.

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Groom’s Stepmom Sends Bride-to-Be Nasty Email About Bride-to-Be!

The Supposed to be Happy Couple****

The scenario: your kid is a bout to get married to someone you don’t care about. You’re thinking, “This is the worst thing that my kid could possibly do. Marrying this lowlife son of a motherless goat is doomed to failure of the worst kind. She’ll probably end up as a coke-addicted stripper/hooker. What am I to do?” What would you do?

There are several ways to deal with this kind of thing and one them is to be a total asshole. That’s exactly how one lady handled it when she found out her stepson was going to marry a girl the the stepmpm was less than fond of. What did Stepmom do? She wrote the bride-to-be an email. A, shall we say, very rude email.

The Email

It just so happens that by employing my Super Google Fu, Dumbass News has obtain a copy of said email. OK. We actually found it on Yahoo News. You ain’t gonna believe this shit.

Here’s a copy of the email, unedited, from Yahoo News:

from: Carolyn Bourne
to: heidi withers
subject: your lack of manners

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early – you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

My Reply


First, let me state that Stepmom is from England. From this fact alone, we can establish that she’s a snooty bitch. So that’s a point against her right there.

Second, let state that she is the groom-to-be’s Stepmother, which in my view disqualifies her from making any public judgement about anyone in the wedding party to begin with.

Third, where is Dear Old Dad in this fiasco? Oh, yeah, he’s married to a Snooty British bitch, so he’s a pussy anyway. Have fun at the wedding, Dad.

Fourth, I would like to attend the wedding just to see what actually happens. Will there be a throwdown of epic proportions worthy of WWE recognition? Will the bride stuff the bridal bouquet up the stepmpm’s vaginal area instead of throwing it as tradition dictates? Will the groom tell the Dad to bend over and take it like a man like he’s been doing since he married the Snooty British Bitch? The possibilities are endless!

To the Snooty British Bitch

Personally, I issue an open invitation for the Snooty British Bitch to find a very large swamp donkey “truffle”  and suck it. You have no damn business writing such a vile screed to the bride to be. You, Snooty British Bitch are the one with the lack of manners here. The groom-to-be is not even your kid! He has a mother with whom I’m sure he has spoken. If the young man is old enough to get married, then he’s damn sure old enough to make mistake by marrying this young woman. If things are that bad with the bride-to-be, then it will all come out soon and divorce court will follow thereafter.

Just because you are a Snooty British Bitch I’d like to invite you to Maine where I can film you having a “crumpet” of great size stuff so far up your ass that it would take a Roto Rooter man to remove it. It would become a viral smash.

So, fuck you, Snooty British Bitch. England is that way ————–>

Dumbass.

****Photo from Yahoo News****

British Fisherman Catches 6 Foot, 200 Pounder, Then Releases It!

Scrotum Fisherman

The story I am about to enlighten you with is something very close to what happened to me once while fishing, so I totally believe in its veracity. Besides, the British newspaper The Telegraph wouldn’t lie to us, would they? Of course not! (coughbullshitcough)

It seems that this British Guy was fishing for mackerel in the surf of the Atlantic Ocean near Exmouth, England, when he got what he thought was the bite of a lifetime. Heart pounding at the mere thought of a giant catch, British Guy set the hook and fought the beast for must have seemed like an eternity. The catch then surfaced and British Guy’s pounding heart sank into his shorts, exposing something he would not expected in a million years. He had caught a …wait…for …it…scuba diver! I swear I am not making this up. Adding insult to injury, the diver was hooked in the balls! This gets even better. The diver’s girlfriend surfaced about this time and removed the fish hook from the guy’s nut sack, swam to shore and, according to the fishing British Guy, “nonchalantly handed the hook back to me and apologised.” bwahahahahahaha! That’s great stuff right there. Those whacky Brits are a laugh a minute, aren’t they? Stiff upper lip and all that. If a fisherman hooked me in the manhood, I come up with a spear gun and send him to his Reward. I’m just sayin’.

The dumbass in this story is the Scuba Diver. Why? He was supposed to have a little floating marker that showed divers were in the area. He didn’t. Dumbass. British Guy also had this to say, “My brother-in-law’s a diver and he said it served the bloke right – at the end of the day he could have ruined his kit (British for “nut sack”) or even worse.” Off the top of my head, I can’t think of many things worse than a 1/0 fish hook embedded in my scrotum, but I am sure that such things exist. Where? I don’t know, but they must exist and I do not want to know about them. Enough said.

The moral of this story is that when scuba diving the diver must let fishermen, boats, whatever, know that he is diving in the area. The diver should also, unlike the diver in the story, wear a protective cup over his junk just in case. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of nut sack.

Dumbass.