Category: Burglary

Gun Control: Good Guy Controls Gun, Bad Guy Goes to Jail

Until last week, James Gerow was just a guy living in Springtown, Texas, a small town northwest of Fort Worth.

Enter Christopher Lance Moore. Make that “break and enter” Christopher Lance Moore.

The Burglary 

Lance Moore, Dipshit

This past Tuesday, James was sound asleep only to be awakened by some late night noise in his house. Upon awakening, James was confronted by a man in a hoodie. This man, Christopher Lance Moore, was an uninvited guest in the Gerow home.

This is when James grabbed his gun. This is also when Christopher Lance Moore ran like somebody stuck a rocket up his ass.

The Chase

James Gerow, Good Guy & Gun Control Expert

With gun in hand, Gerow convinced the man to drop his keys. He told his wife to call 911 and waited for deputies to arrive.
“I pointed the gun at him and asked him who he is and what the hell he was doing in my house,” Gerow said. “He said his name was Lance, and I said, ‘Lance, what the hell are you doing in my house?’
“And he said, ‘unlucky.’ Just unlucky.”

So here’s Lance in his truck with no keys and a pissed off Texan pointing a large caliber handgun at him. What does Lance do now? Naturally he calls 9-1-1! “I’m out in the country somewhere and some guy’s got a gun on me,” he said on the call. Later when being questioned by Parker County Sheriff’s Deputies, Lance admitted to having “bad intentions”.

Christopher Lance Moore has been charged with burglary of a habitation with bad intentions, his future as a Prison Bitch secure.

Gun Control 

Yes, Gun Control. It was James Gerow’s control of a bad ass pistol that that prevented Christopher Lance Moore’s “bad intentions” from turning into something potentially tragic for James Gerow and his family.

What say you, Bob Costas? Buehler? Anyone?

Oh, yeah…one more minor point: Christopher Lance Moore should thank God every day for the rest of his miserable life that James Gerow did not blow his sorry ass to Kingdom Come, which he could have easily and legally done.

Gun Control at its finest, Lance.

Dumbass.

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One Man, Two Times the Dumbass!

Former Dumbass Burgler, Now a Dumbass Prison Bitch
Persistence overcomes resistance, but persistence does not overcome dumbass. And the story of today’s dumbass further proves that the dumbass is a mighty powerful force in those who are eat up with it.

For the tale of our Dumbass of the Day, we travel to Bolingbrook, Illinois, where we meet up with Robert Osewski, thief on probation and about as useful as tits on a boar hog. You see…on May 28, 2009, Robert the Thieving Dumbass broke into a local residence and stole a bunch of stuff and by stuff I mean a Wii, Xbox, jewelry, stocks and bonds and fifty bucks in change totaling over $20 Large, $20,000. Robert was later arrested, tried, convicted and placed on probation. Probation? For stealing $20,000 worth of stuff? The judge in this case has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt (a little legal lingo there) that he is a dumbass in robes and doesn’t deserve to sit on the bench for which he was entrusted. But I digress.

Back to Robert the Thieving Dumbass. Robert is on probation now and he decides to pull off another burglary. That, in and of itself, is a dumbass thing to do, but our man Robert does the Daily Double of Dumbassery. The burglary he has planned is for….wait… for…. it….the same house that he robbed before! It takes a special kind of dumbass to do what Robert is about to do. When I say “special kind of dumbass”, I don’t mean exemplary, I mean dumb as a box of hammers. Robert failed to see the stupidity of his idea, so he went right ahead and busted in and stole from the same house he had hit a while back. That’s pretty damn stoopid right there, but Robert went above and beyond the call of dumbassery. He brought along a helper, sort of an Apprentice Dumbass, to help him out. Another dumbass move. Oh, but it gets better still! Robert and his Apprentice Dumbass broke into the same house that Robert robbed before, mind you, and stole the same stuff he had stolen before! Does this man’s dumbass know no limit?

The Bolingbrook Cops, not dumbasses at all, quickly saw the link between this burglary and the one Robert was convicted of in 2009. Robert the Thieving Dumbass and his Apprentice Dumbass were arrested and immediately placed in the custody of the Bolingbrook House For the Criminally Dumbass. OK, I made that part up, but the two dumbasses were arrested and taken to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I’m sure it won’t be long until Robert the Thieving Dumbass becomes Robert the Prison Bitch Dumbass and his partner in crime will be an Apprentice Prison Bitch to a loving inmate partner. Frakkin’ dumbasses.

From Burglar to Bitch – The Story of Robert

Former Dumbass Burgler, Now a Dumbass Prison Bitch

Persistence overcomes resistance, but persistence does not overcome dumbass. And the story of today’s dumbass further proves that the dumbass is a mighty powerful force in those who are eat up with it.

For the tale of our Dumbass of the Day, we travel to Bolingbrook, Illinois, where we meet up with Robert Osewski, thief on probation and about as useful as tits on a boar hog. You see…on May 28, 2009, Robert the Thieving Dumbass broke into a local residence and stole a bunch of stuff and by stuff I mean a Wii, Xbox, jewelry, stocks and bonds and fifty bucks in changewith his loot totaling over $20 Large, $20,000. Robert was later arrested, tried, convicted and placed on probation. Probation? For stealing $20,000 worth of stuff? The judge in this case has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt (a little legal lingo there) that he is a dumbass in robes and doesn’t deserve to sit on the bench for which he was entrusted. But I digress. 
Back to Robert the Thieving Dumbass. Robert is on probation now and he decides to pull off another burglary. That, in and of itself, is a dumbass thing to do, but our man Robert does the Daily Double of Dumbassery. The burglary he has planned is for….wait… for…. it….the same house that he robbed before! It takes a special kind of dumbass to do what Robert is about to do. When I say “special kind of dumbass”, I don’t mean exemplary, I mean dumb as a box of hammers. Robert failed to see the stupidity of his idea, so he went right ahead and busted in and stole from the same house he had hit a while back. That’s pretty damn stoopid right there, but Robert went above and beyond the call of dumbassery. He brought along a helper, sort of an Apprentice Dumbass, to help him out. Another dumbass move. Oh, but it gets better still! Robert and his Apprentice Dumbass broke into the same house that Robert robbed before, mind you, and stole the same stuff he had stolen before! Does this man’s dumbass know no limit? 
The Bolingbrook Cops, not dumbasses at all, quickly saw the link between this burglary and the one Robert was convicted of in 2009. Robert the Thieving Dumbass and his Apprentice Dumbass were arrested and immediately placed in the custody of the Bolingbrook House For the Criminally Dumbass. OK, I made that part up, but the two dumbasses were arrested and taken to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. 
I’m sure it won’t be long until Robert the Thieving Dumbass becomes Robert the Prison Bitch Dumbass and his partner in crime will be an Apprentice Prison Bitch to a loving inmate partner. Frakkin’ dumbasses.