Category: Canadians

Global Warming Causes Mental Illness, Wacky Canadians & 4 Pissed Off Women

A Dumbass Salute to You!

Best of Dumbass News 

 
Thank you Dumbasses in 142 (now152- ed)countries around the world for making the last two weeks the best ever for Dumbass News! I truly believe that because you are a tasteless bastard living in your mother’s basement, or you are a fucking alcohol addled hobo getting free WiFi from the library located near your cardboard box “shelter”, it is you that has put this blog in its current bottom feeding almost lofty status. Then again, it is my brilliant, incisive observations, or as my late Dad used to say, bullshit, that brings us all together. On the other hand, your continued support has proven to me that you are an honest-to-God mentally defective degenerate. I say that with love, so hit the Tip Jar (the “Donate” button) in the top right sidebar. I need the money. Shoot me some cheese dammit.

Enough with the touchy, feely shit. Let’s get down to bidness.

Bidness

As usual for a weekend, here are some oldies but goodies that you or, more likely, the thousands of new Dumbasses that haven’t had a chance to read, in which case you either can’t read or you are too lazy to find the stories on your own.

One more thing…here’s a Special Dumbass Shout Out to Brenda somewhere in Arkansas. She and I had a nice email exchange regarding a question about one of my posts. Judging by the way Brenda writes and some of the things she wrote in our email conversation, she is definitely Dumbass Worthy. Ooooooooooooooooooooooo pig sooey!!!!!!!

Dumbass News Trifecta!

A Dumbass Salute to You!

Thank you Dumbasses in 142 countries around the world for making the last two weeks the best ever for Dumbass News! I truly believe that because you are a tasteless bastard living in your mother’s basement, or you are a fucking alcohol addled hobo getting free WiFi from the library located near your cardboard box “shelter”, it is you that has put this blog in its current bottom feeding almost lofty status. Then again, it is my brilliant, incisive observations, or as my late Dad used to say, bullshit, that brings us all together. On the other hand, your continued support has proven to me that you are an honest-to-God mentally defective degenerate. I say that with love, so hit the Tip Jar (the “Donate” button) in the top right sidebar. I need the money. Shoot me some cheese dammit.

Enough with the touchy, feely shit. Let’s get down to bidness.

Bidness

As usual for a weekend, here are some oldies but goodies that you or, more likely, the thousands of new Dumbasses that haven’t had a chance to read, in which case you either can’t read or you are too lazy to find the stories on your own.

One more thing…here’s a Special Dumbass Shout Out to Brenda somewhere in Arkansas. She and I had a nice email exchange regarding a question about one of my posts. Judging by the way Brenda writes and some of the things she wrote in our email conversation, she is definitely Dumbass Worthy. Ooooooooooooooooooooooo pig sooey!!!!!!!

Dumbass Week in Review – How I Survived a Coup d’ Blog!

The Dumbass Horde Battle Flag – Never Surrender!

This was one weird ass week at Dumbass News. Things just seemed about a half a second out of sync with real time. Was it only me who felt that way? 

Other than being one step short of a Texas Two Step, this week was indeed quite different from your “normal” week at Dumbass News. bwahahahahahahahahahaha! I just made a funny! I used the words “normal”  and Dumbass News in the same sentence! har har har! And it’s now stuck in the ether forever! GUFFAW!!!

Sorry, I lost my mind just for a moment. 


That’s normal for me. 


THIS WEEK’S DUMBASSERY

The week started off innocently enough with a simple, heartfelt Happy Mothers Day from me, Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde. Then was the story of some Dumbass down in Texas trying to
rob a Police Station! The stoopid fuck is lucky that once the cops stopped laughing at him that they didn’t have an “accidental” shooting in which he was the shoot-ee, or as the Cops in Texas called guys like this, “Target Practice”.

Then was a Grammy-deserving performance by a guy busted for DUI. His stage was the back seat of a Police Cruiser! Dumbass News has video.

THEN THINGS GOT STRANGE

See what I mean? Nothing out of the ordinary…until I posted THIS Guest Post from a Canuckistani code named “Drive Thru Guy”. DTG is a new blogger, about a month and a half into his blogging career and he has already garnered quite a following, so I thought that it would be nice and neighborly to steal some of his readers invite him to do a Guest Post on Dumbass News. The young man is a good writer and I was hoping to, as was done for me by some veteran bloggers when I first started writing about Dumbasses, steer some of you to his blog, lifeinthedrivethru. This was a popular post. Very popular.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks!

Drive Thru Guy had sent his minions to my blog, Dumbass News, in order to overthrow me, the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde! Treason! Sedition, I tell you! The situation was so dire that I almost declared Blogging Martial Law. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

So, I wrote down my thoughts on being the victim of a coup d’ blog. It was the most chilling moment of my blogging “career”.

But DTG is Canadian, which is close to being Fwench, so the only weapon he brought to a Blog Fight was a white surrender flag.

I MADE THAT PART UP

But seriously, folks….It was a great pleasure (and worth a few extra page views, hahahahahaha) to have Drive Thru Guy share his view of the Dumbasses he sees every day while simply doing his job manning the drive thru window at a fast food joint in Eastern Canadia. I’m tellin’ you that hungry Dumbasses are mother fuckers. Just ask DTG.

Anyway, thanks to Drive Thru Guy and his readers, some of whom who actually came back for more Dumbass News after reading his Guest Post, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that his customers, like mine, are nothing more than a blithering, slobbering, knuckle dragging horde of people I am happy to Fearlessly Lead.

Dumbasses.

Climate Change, Beer, Pot , Dumbass Brit and Pig Sooey All in One Post!

New Reader from Arkansas

Thank you Dumbasses in 117 countries around the world for making the last two weeks the best ever for Dumbass News! I truly believe that because you are a tasteless bastard living in your mother’s basement, or you are a fucking alcohol addled hobo getting free wifi from the library located near your cardboard box “shelter”, it is you that has put this blog in its current bottom feeding almost lofty status. Then again, it is my brilliant, incisive observations, or as my late Dad used to say, bullshit, that brings us all together. On the hand, your continued support has proven to me that you are an honest-to-God mentally defective degenerate. I say that with love, so hit the fucking Tip Jar (the “Donate” button) in the top right sidebar. I need the money. Shoot me some cheese dammit.

Enough with the touchy, feely shit. Let’s get down to bidness.

Bidness

As usual for a weekend, here are some oldies but goodies that you or, more likely, the thousands of new Dumbasses that haven’t had a chance to read, in which case you either can’t read or you are too lazy to find the stories on your own.

One more thing…here’s a Special Dumbass Shout Out to Brenda somewhere in Arkansas. She and I had a nice email exchange regarding a question about one of my posts. Judging by the way Brenda writes and some of the things she wrote in our email conversation, she is definitely Dumbass Worthy. Ooooooooooooooooooooooo pig sooey!!!!!!!

Dumbass.