|Lookin’ Out My Front Door|
As I sit here writing this, a blizzard rages outside. Check out the photo at the right. I took it at 8:00AM EST. And just think we’ve only got about eight more hours of this!
Damn, I miss Texas.
I have a confession to make. I am a Gizmo-holic. Yes, I have traveled the rough and treacherous technological road to Gizmo-holism. I love gizmos and gadgets. Desktop computers, laptop computers, iPads, GPS and all the cool little gizmo enhancers that go with them. I do not yet own all these electronic wonders. I will soon, though. Count on it.
I do have a problem, however, with cell phones. While in many instances cell phones prove to be life savers and just plain old handy. But, I do not like them very much. One of the most popular features of today’s cell phones is the ability to text a friend or family member. I am still trying to figure out why you would text someone when right there in your greedy capitalist pig hand is a $500 cell phone – a cell phone hundreds of times more powerful than the first computers! A phone to me means a phone call! Fuck texting. Use the damn phone for what it is made for – making phone calls! Do I have to teach you dumbasses everything? Good Gawd, y’all.
Now, having said all that shit, I have written a few posts on dumbasses with cell phones who end up, shall we say, fucked. To see what I mean look here and here, and you’ll find dumbasses and their cell phones are not a particularly good combination. Well, guess what? I have come across another dumbass-with-a-cell-phone texting instead of making a phone call story. Go figger.
There’s this chick named Amy who like millions of other Americans has a cell phone. And like millions of other Americans she texts her friends, family and business associates. Of course, by “business associates”, I mean people to sell narcotics to. In a situation like this, texting is a real dumbfuck thing to do, but, being a mental midget, Amy texts her customers to meet her at Place A to pick up some stash. What Amy forgets is that if you text your “come buy drugs from me” message to the wrong number, the text is still there for the receiving party to read. A text of this nature in the “wrong” hands could be bad news for Amy. And it was. She sent her text meassage to a cop! Well, the cop’s face lit up like a fat kid at Chuck E. Cheese when he saw the text. Long story short, Amy got busted and now shares a cell (<— I made a funny) at the State Hilton with Marlene “Butch” Abernathy, the 3 Time defending Toughest Lesbian in the State Hilton award winner. Amy can look forward to fun and games with the other “girls” and probably write a book and go on Dr. Phil and become a millionaire ex-con bimbo. or a Cinemax at Night soft porn star recounting her days as a sex toy to a 6’3″ Lesbian in State Prison. Sick ain’t it?
I am jealous.
I am a technology nut. I love gizmos and gadgets – cell phones, GPS, audio equipment, the new high tech TVs, software and of course, computers and the peripherals that go with them . I am not an expert on electronic playthings by any stretch of the imagination, but I can get around them pretty good.
As much as I love to jack around with expensive electronics, I have a pet peeve about cell phones. Texting. I see absolutely no value in texting unless you are bored with the sermon at Church or in a public library, then all bets are off. I wouldn’t text in Church, however, because the Lord can kick your ass in mysterious ways. In the library, even the Man Upstairs doesn’t care.
On December 17, 2010 I wrote about my experience with a strange text message on my new cell phone. Here’s the deal: ” Come on over. I have the dope and it’s some good shit. And we’ve got lots of it.” I thought to myself that having this text on my cell phone record might not be a very good thing. Long story short, I called the cops they were very familiar with Shawn, so they took all the info they needed and left. To this day, I have heard nothing else about this incident. But, I’d be willing to bet that Shawn is not a happy dumbass at this moment.”
I still don’t know what happened after that.
A couple of months later I wrote about a web site called Texts From Last Night . TFLN has some hilarious texts made by dumbasses from every spectrum of the Dumbass Horde. One outstanding example of what people actually text their friends about is this beauty:
Dumbass Text of the Day
A guy in Edmonds, Washington was on the run from the law and the two felony arrest warrants that were issued for him. Nothing really new there. Jason Wrenchy thought he was successful in evading the cops. Then he sent a text. To a cop. Hilarity ensued.
Long story short…the policeman that got the text didn’t recognize the phone number it came from, so he decided to run it through the Police Computer to see to whom the number belonged. Yep. Jason Wrenchy. After discovering this information, the cop did some serious police work. He sent Brother Jason a text under an assumed name and arranged a meeting. Not knowing he was communicating with a cop, Jason willingly supplied his address.
Game over for Jason. He has since been housed courtesy of the State of Washington at the Penitentiary for the Criminally Dumbass. He has also changed his name to “June” and enjoys taking it up the ole Hershey Highway from other inmates with handles like “Spike” and “The Hammer” These days Jason/June doesn’t fart he “poofs” if you know what I mean and I think you do.
All this over a stoopid frakkin’ text message.
C U L8R.