Category: Charles Bronson

One Legged Old Man Attacked With Cucumber!

I am taking a day or two off. Enjoy the Best of Dumbass News!

I am a firm believer in a theory that my Dad taught me when I was a very young dumbass. “Do it right the first time and you ain’t gotta do it again”. Dad was right. Too often today I see young folks doing a half ass job on some chore (my own children included) and then whadaya know (!), they end up re-doing it until it’s done right. Dumbasses. Now when I say “do it right the first time…” I am talking about criminals too. For instance, don’t take a knife to a gun fight. Or…if you’re gonna commit a crime and the punishment is jail time, do a crime that’s worthy of jail time! If you are gonna assault somebody, for example, do it right the first time.

Dumbass Assault Weapon

Let me splain.

Some dumbass broad from Florida was recently arrested for assaulting a one-legged old man in a HoverRound…with a cucumber salad! This is a piss poor way of committing an assault. Proper assault of a one-legged old man tools include baseball bats, tire irons, brass knuckles, etc. I personally prefer the Charles Bronson Method of Using a roll of quarters in a sock, but then again I am Old School when it comes to assault, especially on One Legged Old Men in a HoverRound. Notice that cucumber salad is nowhere to be found on that list. “Do it right the first time…” Do I have to teach you dumbasses everything?

Long story short, the stoopid bitch was charged with a couple of felonies and, if convicted, could face several years behind bars and a bright future as “fresh meat” in a state prison, where cucumber salads are in short supply, broom handles aren’t, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Who knows? We may even see this dipshit on late night Cinemax in one of those “Women in Chains” movies. But let’s all pray that we don’t.

If only she’d done “it right the first time”.

Dumbass.

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One Legged Old Man Attacked by Dumbass with Cucumber Salad!

Dumbass Assault Weapon

I am a firm believer in a theory that my Dad taught me when I was a very young dumbass. “Do it right the first time and you ain’t gotta do it again”. Dad was right. Too often today I see young folks doing a half ass job on some chore (my own children included) and then whadaya know (!), they end up re-doing it until it’s done right. Dumbasses. Now when I say “do it right the first time…” I am talking about criminals too. For instance, don’t take a knife to a gun fight. Or…if you’re gonna commit a crime and the punishment is jail time, do a crime that’s worthy of jail time! If you are gonna assault somebody, for example, do it right the first time. Let me splain.

Some dumbass broad from Florida was recently arrested for assaulting a one-legged old man in a HoverRound…with a cucumber salad! This is a piss poor way of committing an assault. Proper assault of a one-legged old man tools include baseball bats, tire irons, brass knuckles, etc. I personally prefer the Charles Bronson Method of Using a roll of quarters in a sock, but then again I am Old School when it comes to assault, especially on One Legged Old Men in a HoverRound. Notice that cucumber salad is nowhere to be found on that list. “Do it right the first time…” Do I have to teach you dumbasses everything?

Long story short, the stoopid bitch was charged with a couple of felonies and, if convicted, could face several years behind bars and a bright future as “fresh meat” in a state prison, where cucumber salads are in short supply, broom handles aren’t, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Who knows? We may even see this dipshit on late night Cinemax in one of those “Women in Chains” movies. But let’s all pray that we don’t.

If only she’d done “it right the first time”.

Dumbass.