Category: Chicken

Dumbass Gets Loaded, Pisses on Chicken in Supermarket!

Yard Bird

Best of Dumbass News

Grocery shoppers in Little Rock BEWARE! There’s a guy who could be in your local Kroger store pissing all over the Pilgrim’s Pride or Tyson chicken! What this dumbass has in mind by pissing on the chicken, I don’t know. But, I am relieved to know that he bypassed the T-bone steaks. If the dude had peed on the T-bones, I would become a vegetarian on the spot. Pissing on the yard bird, not so much. Anyway…

This dumbass went to a Kroger store (Kroger is a large grocery store company – ed.) in Little Rock as decided that he would “marinate” the yard birds with his tinkle. I know you’ll find this difficult to believe, but the dumbass was drunk! The Little Rock police got a call from Kroger’s saying that a man was being “verbally aggressive” with some of the employees. But, before the Law could get there the dumbass peed on over $500 worth of chicken. He also ate a large package of ham. I happen to know that the good people of Little Rock love their hogs, ooooooooooohhhhhhh pig soooooooo-eeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy! A little football lingo there.

So…the dumbass pisses on over $500 worth of chicken, eats a large package of ham and gets verbally aggressive with store employees. Enter the LRPD who quickly subdue the drunk dumbass and prepare to haul his ass to jail. Upon confronting the dumbass suspect, the police made this brilliant observation, “he was reported by officers to have been unsteady on his feet, smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes when they arrived on the scene.” What was their first clue? The cops left out the fact that the dumbass smelled of pig. Our dumbass was “charged with public intoxication, theft of property, and criminal mischief.” Criminal mischief? Does that mean he pissed all over the chicken? I really got nothin’ today, but I do hope that pissing on the yard bird isn’t one of the “special seasonings” in KFC. If it is, the dumbass and I gotta have a loooooooooonnnngggg talk. Not only is he pissing on my chicken, he’s breathing my air.

Dumbass.

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Nigerian Cocaine-Stuffed Chicken!

I am at the Age of Retirement. My retirement was thrust upon me due to some health issues that have reared their ugly heads over the last few years.

I have been fighting the Federal Gubmint for all the money I put into The System (Thanks, Liberal Assholes!) for over two years now. And I gotta tell you, I am not a hurry up and wait kind of guy. Part of my current situation is of my own doing, with no one or nothing else to blame but me. The rest of the blame lies squarely at the feet of the confiscatory Federal Gubmint that has way too much control over our daily lives, including our future as Old Farts. They took my money without my permission and gave it to other people thus putting me on the back burner and now I have had to hire an attorney to get my own damn money back. And after over 40 years of working, it is not a small amount of money. I won’t be rich by any means, but my family and I will live a much more comfortable lifestyle than we now enjoy once this whole charade is over and done with.

I tell you this because it ties in with today’s Dumbass News. How’s that? I could have followed the example set by a Nigerian fellow who had a plan to beat all plans for his pending retirement.

Let me splain.

Planning Ahead

Vincent Chegini Chinweuwa had a retirement plan that would set him up for life in his native Nigeria. It involved the humble roasted chicken. And cocaine. $150,000 worth of cocaine.

You see Vincent had struggled for six long years while living in Brazil with hopes of some day returning a wealthy man to his beloved Homeland, so he meticulously planned his return to Lagos. His scheme included buying cocaine so he could sell it back in Nigeria earning him a nifty profit and instant retirement.

“Stuffed” Yard Bird

Here’s where the roasted chickens come into play. Vincent had bought 2.6 kilos (that’s almost 6 pounds) of Brazilian toot and stuffed it into the yard birds asses hoping to sneak it past Nigerian Customs and realize his dreams of a life of luxury.

But, it didn’t work out.

Plan Gone Awry

Vincent got his coke OK and got it shoved up the roasted chickens asses. He encountered problems when he got to the airport in Lagos. It seems that during the six years that Vinny was in Brazil, Nigerian Customs Agents had undergone intensive training to be on the lookout for drug smugglers and that they had also gotten some more modern drug detection equipment to help them in their fight against narcotics trafficking.

Vince did not get the memo.

He got busted and is now awaiting trial while in an Ultra-Modern Nigerian Prison. And by “ultra-modern” I of course mean rat-infested, urine-soaked, disease-ridden hell hole. You know, like Detroit.

This is what happens when one tries to skirt the rules when reaching retirement age. After learning of Vince’s plight, I have determined that I still loathe Gubmint Intrusion into my life and that hiring a lawyer to handle my case was not as big a pain in the ass as spending my Golden Years in an Ultra-Modern Nigerian Prison for smuggling nearly six pounds of blow into the country. Besides, I am a White Guy and I would guess that White Guys are at a “premium” in an Ultra-Modern Nigerian Prison. By “premium”, I of course mean “prison bitches”. I am a lot of things, some of them not so good, but “prison bitch” ain’t one of ’em.

I’ll leave the prison bitchery to Vincent Takesomeballs Tothechinweuwa.

I would, however, like a nice juicy piece of roasted chicken. Hold the coke.

Dumbass.

Drunk Dumbass Pisses on Chicken in Supermarket!

Marinated in Piss

Grocery shoppers in Little Rock BEWARE! There’s a guy who could be in your local Kroger store pissing all over the Pilgrim’s Pride or Tyson chicken! What this dumbass has in mind by pissing on the chicken, I don’t know. But, I am relieved to know that he bypassed the T-bone steaks. If the dude had peed on the T-bones, I would become a vegetarian on the spot. Pissing on the yard bird, not so much. Anyway…

This dumbass went to a Kroger store (Kroger is a large grocery store company – ed.) in Little Rock as decided that he would “marinate” the yard birds with his tinkle. I know you’ll find this difficult to believe, but the dumbass was drunk! The Little Rock police got a call from Kroger’s saying that a man was being “verbally aggressive” with some of the employees. But, before the Law could get there the dumbass peed on over $500 worth of chicken. He also ate a large package of ham. I happen to know that the good people of Little Rock love their hogs, ooooooooooohhhhhhh pig soooooooo-eeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy! A little football lingo there.

So…the dumbass pisses on over $500 worth of chicken, eats a large package of ham and gets verbally aggressive with store employees. Enter the LRPD who quickly subdue the drunk dumbass and prepare to haul his ass to jail. Upon confronting the dumbass suspect, the police made this brilliant observation, “he was reported by officers to have been unsteady on his feet, smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes

Dumbass Pisses On Chicken in Kroger Store!

Yard Bird

Grocery shoppers in Little Rock BEWARE! There’s a guy who could be in your local Kroger store pissing all over the Pilgrim’s Pride or Tyson chicken! What this dumbass has in mind by pissing on the chicken, I don’t know. But, I am relieved to know that he bypassed the T-bone steaks. If the dude had peed on the T-bones, I would become a vegetarian on the spot. Pissing on the yard bird, not so much. Anyway…

This dumbass went to a Kroger store (Kroger is a large grocery store company – ed.) in Little Rock as decided that he would “marinate” the yard birds with his tinkle. I know you’ll find this difficult to believe, but the dumbass was drunk! The Little Rock police got a call from Kroger’s saying that a man was being “verbally aggressive” with some of the employees. But, before the Law could get there the dumbass peed on over $500 worth of chicken. He also ate a large package of ham. I happen to know that the good people of Little Rock love their hogs, ooooooooooohhhhhhh pig soooooooo-eeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy! A little football lingo there.

So…the dumbass pisses on over $500 worth of chicken, eats a large package of ham and gets verbally aggressive with store employees. Enter the LRPD who quickly subdue the drunk dumbass and prepare to haul his ass to jail. Upon confronting the dumbass suspect, the police made this brilliant observation, “he was reported by officers to have been unsteady on his feet, smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes when they arrived on the scene.” What was their first clue? The cops left out the fact that the dumbass smelled of pig. Our dumbass was “charged with public intoxication, theft of property, and criminal mischief.” Criminal mischief? Does that mean he pissed all over the chicken? I really got nothin’ today, but I do hope that pissing on the yard bird isn’t one of the “special seasonings” in KFC. If it is, the dumbass and I gotta have a loooooooooonnnngggg talk. Not only is he pissing on my chicken, he’s breathing my air. Dumbass.