The greatest asset this country has is its people.
Americans by nature are rugged individualists. Except for Obama voters. They are just stoopid fuckers. But, I digress.
Anyway, Americans in general will see a problem and instinctively look for a way to solve it. We see a need and seek a way to fulfill it.
In other words, we Americans are an industrious bunch. Again with the exception of O-bots, who are, generally speaking, a cabal of lazy motherfuckers. Now before you go postal on me because of my opinion about Obamatrons, I know that many of them are good, decent hard working folks. The fact remains, however, that they are good, decent, hard working stoopid fuckers. Again, I digress.
Overall though, Americans will see an opportunity and seize it.
Take dog poop for example.
Supply and Demand
A guy in Charlottesville, Virginia saw dog doo doo and turned it into gold by starting a bidness named Doody Calls. He, and forty franchisees in twenty-three states, go around picking up Bowser Bombs in dog parks and back yards all over the country. Who knew that Poodle Patties could be turned into gold?
Nekkididity also pays off. A motel owner in Florida was watching his bidness dwindle into near non-existence when he came up with a simple but brilliant way to turn things around. The miraculous solution that saved his motel? Nekkididity. He re-branded his motel as “clothing optional”. He’s now raking in the cheese.
Lubbock, Texas is a college town, home to Texas Tech University. This means that they are thousands of young, unmarried men. This, in turn, means that there are thousands of unkempt houses and apartments in Lubbock. College guys ain’t exactly known as Better Homes and Garden kind of guys. In other words, male college students are pigs when it comes to tidy homes. Seeing a bidness opportunity, a Smart Guy started a maid service. OK, what’s so brilliant about that? The brilliance lies in the fact that it is a Nekkid Maid Service! College Guys and Horny Old Bastards all around Lubbock jumped the Nekkid Maid Train like a duck on a June bug.
The point is: there was a call for dog shit picker uppers, nekkid motels and nekkid maids and some enterprising Americans answered it.
What a country!
Another Success Story?
Linda Walker of Portland, Oregon did a solid (for all the Yoopers in the Reading Audience, that means “a favor”) for a friend and turned it into a start up small bidness.
Linda’s friend was going on her honeymoon and needed someone to baby sit for her. Except the “baby sitting” wasn’t for a baby. It was for over two hundred chickens!
So what does Linda do? She starts her own Chicken Sitting bidness! Linda informs us that she has received over twenty inquiries into her Chicken Sittin’ gig.
I don’t now if Chicken Sitting is worth its weight in dog dookey or not, and it certainly ain’t as cool as nekkididity, but you gotta admit that Linda has hatched a unique idea.
Another benefit to chicken sitting is chicken shit. Lots of chicken shit.
Now that’s a bidness just waitin’ to happen.
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We are already one full week into 2012 and things around Dumbass News keep getting better and better, thanks to you, the Dumbasses of the World in 121 Dumbass Nations. I like the sound of that, Dumbass Nations. Has sort of a “band of brothers” feel to it. I am honored to be your Fearless Dumbass Leader, the Duke of Dumbass the Head Dumbass in Charge, the…OK, that’s enough of that.
Sorry, I lost my mind just for a moment.
Anyway, 2012 is shaping up to be by far, the best year ever for this blog and I am excited as a Dumbass Hobo in a likker store with a pocket full of cheese. For those of you in San Francisco, “cheese” is not what you guys find in your dirty Fruit of the Looms, it means “money” ya frakkin’ idjits. Speaking of cash flow, mine has slowed down to an ebb and your generous Dumbass Donation can be made through PayPal by clicking on the “Donate” button in the right sidebar. Any such gifts would be greatly appreciated. Dumbasses. 🙂
The 1st Week of 2012
We left 2011 behind in grand style as we paid homage to the best dumbasses last year had to offer. The explosion of dumbassery carried over into the New Year with the first few dumbasses of 2012.
So, let’s hop into the Dumbass Wayback Machine and take a look at this past week of the best dumbass news stories found anywhere in the World Wide Web.
The 1st Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Awards
For a complete look at the various “You Big Dummy” Award nominees and the winners in the different categories click this link. (After reading the story, scroll down below the post and look for “Newer Posts”, click there on every page and that will lead you to next Award Presentation. Just keep going until you get to the “You Big Dummy” winner)
The Oscars, Grammys and all those fake awards have nothing on the “Dummies”. Hey, we take this shit seriously, unlike those pussies at the other award shows. Our Dumbass of the Year candidates are selected and awarded based on the merits of their dumbassery. No politics involved. Unless it tweaks the Fwench and the homos and non-homos of San Francisco. I hate the Fwench and the jizz dumpsters in San Fran.
- Starting 2012 with a Threefer Dumbass Bonus! The three “Curious” Old Bastards in this story scream for the manly affections of the Twinkletoes Crowd in S.F. Truly sickening and truly dumbass. Ya gotta love it.
- The Pistola in Starbucks – Dumbass chick takes loaded gun to coffee shop. Gun discharges. Criminal procedures ensue.
- I’ll Take “I Got Fined $200 Large for Keeping Chickens in My Yard Because the City is Run By Bigots”, Alex – This one is a riot. The Dumbass in this tale of woe claims he is being singled out by City Officials because he is of Moroccan-Syrian extract. Did I mention that he is a Jew? To my knowledge, the fine dictators of Morocco and Syria would find great pleasure in BBQing this fucking idiot and using him for camel food simply because he is a Jew, and he claims prejudice in the F-L-A? I am almost 100% certain that the asshole is the only person of Arab heritage in Florida, so it must be bigotry. <—–That’s sarcasm, by the way. Read it and weep.
Now you can understand why I am so stoked about 2012. I am confident that the crop of Dumbasses in ’12 will be the Best Bunch Ever! Especially if they are butthurt Arabs, Fwench or homos in San Francissy. This year is gonna be great!
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