Category: Chinese Food

Roadkill Restaurant!

Best of Dumbass News

You know how in any town of any size there are 134 Dine In/Take Out Chinese Restaurants to every citizen? I have, and I’m sure you have as well, wondered how they could serve an All You Can buffet fit for an Emperor for only $5.99.

Now we have an answer. And it ain’t purty.

Roadkill.

All Joking Aside…

I have often joked about the reason the prices are so low is that the owners of the restaurant, often immigrants to America and unfamiliar with our customs and laws, probably got the meat on the buffet from the local Animal Shelter. It’s worse than that, folks. Much worse.

CBS affiliate WYMT tells us about a Chinese restaurant in Williamsburg, Kentucky that went the extraa mile in feeding their customers. And by “extra mile” I mean to the nearest interstate highway. WYMT reports, “Two of the workers came in wheeling a garbage can and they had a box sitting on top of it. And hanging out of the garbage can, they were trying to be real quick with it. So that nobody could see it. But there was like a tail, and a foot and leg. Sticking out of the garbage can and they wheeled it straight back into the kitchen,” adds Hopkins. (ed.- “Hopkins” was a customer/witness to this mess)
Hopkins, who described the scene that left a trail of blood across the floor as ‘very disturbing,’ called the health department immediately.
An environmental health inspector, Paul Lawson, reportedly arrived at the Chinese restaurant after the complaint to find a dead deer in the restaurant’s kitchen.

The workers did this with customers in the dining room!

Woops!

What? No Possum?

Before reading the story, I was thinking that some Ma and Pa cafe had been caught serving possum or raccoon in their place. I never in a million years would have guessed it was a Chinese restaurant. We’re talking about Kentucky, not Cal-ee-forn-ya here.

What kills me is the fact that the two China Guys thought they could get away with wheeling the dead deer in the trash can through the dining area. With actual customers in there and everything. I would give a thousand bucks to have heard the hatching of this brilliant plan.

China Guy 1: Hey, Won Hung Lo! Let’s go on the north side of Interstate 75 and look for tomorrows buffet meet. I hear the truckers run over deer and possum there like crazy and just leave them laying on the roadside. Those ungrateful Imperialist Yankee Pigs!

China Guy 2: OK, Dum Phuk Er! Let’s go!

China Guy 1: When we get back to the restaurant, we must quickly wheel the roadkill in through the Dining Room Got It? Those Amerian Dogs will be too busy eating yesterday’s skunk, which they think is beef! Hahahahaha!

China Guy 2: You crack me up, Dum Phuk Er! Wait’ll they get a load of the “duck”!

China Guys 1 & 2: bwahahahahahahahaha !!!! 

Which brings me to a joke. How many Chinese restaurant owners does it take to make a lunch buffet? Two. One to watch out for traffic! bwahahahahahahahahaha I kill myself sometimes.

Penalty Box

You’d think that some major closure and/or fines would be imposed on the restaurant owners, right? Wrong. The WYMT report goes on, “The Red Flower Chinese Restaurant will not face any fines and will be able to reopen if they pass a secondary health inspection. The restaurant owner alleges that he was going to serve the deer to his family and not to customers.” 

Riiiiiiiiiiiighttt. And I am the fucking Tooth Fairy

Dumbasses.

(Image from WYMT.com)

Guy Steals Delivery Car, Finishes Deliveries, Goes to Jail

This past Friday political conservatives from all over the internet staged a “buycott” of Papa John’s Pizza. This was in response to political liberals’ boycott of Papa John’s because of the pizza giant’s plans to cut many full time employees’ hours to part time and to outright discharge other workers due to the looming implementation of Obamacare, or as I call it, “a big steaming pile of yak shit”.

Regardless of your position on the impending health care law, you have to admit that you have not yet heard of a single theft of a Papa John’s delivery guy’s automobile during this event. Even in Connecticut. Bipartisanship at its finest.

The same can not be said for a Chinese Food Delivery Guy in Connecticut.

GTA Gai Pan

Some poor schlub in Connecticut was going about his bidness of delivering Chinese food to the hungry folks of Hartford when he did something stoopid. The Schlub was making a delivery to Bristow Middle School. When he went inside to deliver the food, he left his car running! This was all the opportunity that Keith Hinds needed.

Keith jumped in the idling car and hauled ass. And by “hauled ass” I mean he went on to continuing to deliver the remaining orders on The Schlub’s route! He evidently intended to keep all the cash he was collecting from the deliveries.

The cops were called and the restaurant also called the remaining customers on the route notifying them about what had happened. It was then that one of the customers reported to the restaurant that his food had already been delivered! By the car thief! At this point the jig was up.

The cops easily located Hinds and put him under arrest.

Upon taking him into custody, you’ll never in a gazillion years believe what the cops found in Keith Hinds’ possession. Drugs – a joint and an anti-psychotic. Oh, yeah, and a crack pipe. Knock me over with a feather.

Election turmoil with possible voter fraud, the death of Twinkies and now this.

Our country is doomed.

Dumbasses.

In Case You Missed It: Dine In/Take Out Roadkill

You know how in any town of any size there are 134 Dine In/Take Out Chinese Restaurants to every citizen? I have, and I’m sure you have as well, wondered how they could serve an All You Can buffet fit for an Emperor for only $5.99.

Now we have an answer. And it ain’t purty.

Roadkill.

All Joking Aside…

I have often joked about the reason the prices are so low is that the owners of the restaurant, often immigrants to America and unfamiliar with our customs and laws, probably got the meat on the buffet from the local Animal Shelter. It’s worse than that, folks. Much worse.

CBS affiliate WYMT tells us about a Chinese restaurant in Williamsburg, Kentucky that went the extraa mile in feeding their customers. And by “extra mile” I mean to the nearest interstate highway. WYMT reports, “Two of the workers came in wheeling a garbage can and they had a box sitting on top of it. And hanging out of the garbage can, they were trying to be real quick with it. So that nobody could see it. But there was like a tail, and a foot and leg. Sticking out of the garbage can and they wheeled it straight back into the kitchen,” adds Hopkins. (ed.- “Hopkins” was a customer/witness to this mess)
Hopkins, who described the scene that left a trail of blood across the floor as ‘very disturbing,’ called the health department immediately.
An environmental health inspector, Paul Lawson, reportedly arrived at the Chinese restaurant after the complaint to find a dead deer in the restaurant’s kitchen.

The workers did this with customers in the dining room!

Woops!

What? No Possum?

Before reading the story, I was thinking that some Ma and Pa cafe had been caught serving possum or raccoon in their place. I never in a million years would have guessed it was a Chinese restaurant. We’re talking about Kentucky, not Cal-ee-forn-ya here.

What kills me is the fact that the two China Guys thought they could get away with wheeling the dead deer in the trash can through the dining area. With actual customers in there and everything. I would give a thousand bucks to have heard the hatching of this brilliant plan.

China Guy 1: Hey, Won Hung Lo! Let’s go on the north side of Interstate 75 and look for tomorrows buffet meet. I hear the truckers run over deer and possum there like crazy and just leave them laying on the roadside. Those ungrateful Imperialist Yankee Pigs!

China Guy 2: OK, Dum Phuk Er! Let’s go!

China Guy 1: When we get back to the restaurant, we must quickly wheel the roadkill in through the Dining Room Got It? Those Amerian Dogs will be too busy eating yesterday’s skunk, which they think is beef! Hahahahaha!

China Guy 2: You crack me up, Dum Phuk Er! Wait’ll they get a load of the “duck”!

China Guys 1 & 2: bwahahahahahahahaha !!!! 

Which brings me to a joke. How many Chinese restaurant owners does it take to make a lunch buffet? Two. One to watch out for traffic! bwahahahahahahahahaha I kill myself sometimes.

Penalty Box

You’d think that some major closure and/or fines would be imposed on the restaurant owners, right? Wrong. The WYMT report goes on, “The Red Flower Chinese Restaurant will not face any fines and will be able to reopen if they pass a secondary health inspection. The restaurant owner alleges that he was going to serve the deer to his family and not to customers.” 

Riiiiiiiiiiiighttt. And I am the fucking Tooth Fairy

Dumbasses.

(Image from WYMT.com)

Dine In/Take Out Chinese Roadkill Buffet

You know how in any town of any size there are 134 Dine In/Take Out Chinese Restaurants to every citizen? I have, and I’m sure you have as well, wondered how they could serve an All You Can buffet fit for an Emperor for only $5.99.

Now we have an answer. And it ain’t purty.

Roadkill.

All Joking Aside…

I have often joked about the reason the prices are so low is that the owners of the restaurant, often immigrants to America and unfamiliar with our customs and laws, probably got the meat on the buffet from the local Animal Shelter. It’s worse than that, folks. Much worse.

CBS affiliate WYMT tells us about a Chinese restaurant in Williamsburg, Kentucky that went the extraa mile in feeding their customers. And by “extra mile” I mean to the nearest interstate highway. WYMT reports, “Two of the workers came in wheeling a garbage can and they had a box sitting on top of it. And hanging out of the garbage can, they were trying to be real quick with it. So that nobody could see it. But there was like a tail, and a foot and leg. Sticking out of the garbage can and they wheeled it straight back into the kitchen,” adds Hopkins. (ed.- “Hopkins” was a customer/witness to this mess)
Hopkins, who described the scene that left a trail of blood across the floor as ‘very disturbing,’ called the health department immediately.
An environmental health inspector, Paul Lawson, reportedly arrived at the Chinese restaurant after the complaint to find a dead deer in the restaurant’s kitchen.

The workers did this with customers in the dining room!

Woops!

What? No Possum?

Before reading the story, I was thinking that some Ma and Pa cafe had been caught serving possum or raccoon in their place. I never in a million years would have guessed it was a Chinese restaurant. We’re talking about Kentucky, not Cal-ee-forn-ya here.

What kills me is the fact that the two China Guys thought they could get away with wheeling the dead deer in the trash can through the dining area. With actual customers in there and everything. I would give a thousand bucks to have heard the hatching of this brilliant plan.

China Guy 1: Hey, Won Hung Lo! Let’s go on the north side of Interstate 75 and look for tomorrows buffet meet. I hear the truckers run over deer and possum there like crazy and just leave them laying on the roadside. Those ungrateful Imperialist Yankee Pigs!

China Guy 2: OK, Dum Phuk Er! Let’s go!

China Guy 1: When we get back to the restaurant, we must quickly wheel the roadkill in through the Dining Room Got It? Those Amerian Dogs will be too busy eating yesterday’s skunk, which they think is beef! Hahahahaha!

China Guy 2: You crack me up, Dum Phuk Er! Wait’ll they get a load of the “duck”!

China Guys 1 & 2: bwahahahahahahahaha !!!! 

Which brings me to a joke. How many Chinese restaurant owners does it take to make a lunch buffet? Two. One to watch out for traffic! bwahahahahahahahahaha I kill myself sometimes.

Penalty Box 

You’d think that some major closure and/or fines would be imposed on the restaurant owners, right? Wrong. The WYMT report goes on, “The Red Flower Chinese Restaurant will not face any fines and will be able to reopen if they pass a secondary health inspection. The restaurant owner alleges that he was going to serve the deer to his family and not to customers.” 

Riiiiiiiiiiiighttt. And I am the fucking Tooth Fairy

Dumbasses.

(Image from WYMT.com)

Dumb Mass Hole

There’s an old adage that says, “the criminal always returns to the scene of the crime”. I would amend that saying to, “a dumbass criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.” Or in the case of today’s Dumbass of the Day, a Dumb Mass Criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.

In Springfield, Massachusetts, a dumbass named Edward Blatch, and one of his buddies called in to Fu Wong’s for some Chinese food for delivery. So the Chinese delivery guy arrives at Ed’s house with the food order. Ed and his dumbass buddy decide that they wanted more than a little Egg Fu Yung and pork fried rice, so the two dumbasses point a shotgun at the delivery guy and proceed to rob him of his cash, cell phone, bluetooth device and car keys. This is where your everyday normal dumbass ends his interaction with his victim. But good old Ed is a dumbass deluxe.

Ed and his partner in crime smoked a couple of bong hits, got the munchies and decided to go out to eat some Chinese food at you guessed it, Fu Wong’s! We are on the edge of Uncharted Dumbassery here, but Ed’s just the kind of dumbass to push the envelope of dumbassery to the point of insanity. As fate would have it, the driver who was the victim of Ed’s criminal impulses, was working that very day. Finally, justice would be served (pun intended). Delivery guy recognized Ed and his accomplice and went on tell his co-workers that the guys who robbed him were in the dining room. If Fu Wong’s is like most other Chinese food joints, all the employees are of the Asian persuasion. And they know how to use a knife in the kitchen, therefore a man’s gazebos would be easy to turn into a new buffet item. Anyway, all these Asian fuckers surround Ed and his buddy and call the police, to whom Ed and his dumbass buddy were delivered. <——I made a funny.

Ed and the other dumbass are now guests of the state for a few years, where Ed will have his “egg” “fu yung’ed” on a daily basis. Ed, next time head for McDonalds and leave the shotgun home. Dumbass.