|The Dummy Award|
T minus 15 days til you-know-what and I can feel the tension and despair setting in in Dumbassville. As your
Fearless Leader Head Dumbass and Mayor of the Big D, I urge patience and calm during the next couple of weeks. Chaos and anarchy will not stand in Dumbassville! I say to you, fellow Dumbassvillains, look forward to the smiles that will practically be painted on children’s faces. And that’s exactly what we do here at the Dumbass Dome. We paint a smile on our kids’ faces because they, like all kids, are ungrateful little fuckers so happy to get all the loot they do. I mean who wouldn’t be? I’d shit my pants if some fat guy in a red suit left me a new Corvette on Christmas Eve.
In closing let me say, love your children now for they grow up
not fast enough too fast. Thank God! When my young ones (9 & 4) reach the age of eighteen, their now legally-an-adult asses are gone! By the time that happens I’ll be 65 years old and it’s only right that they start buyin’ shit for me! Like a new HoverRound I can take to the Grand Canyon like those two old bitties in the TV commercial. After all, I am leaving them a legacy few Fathers can pass on to their kids. The Legacy of Dumbnass.
Merry Christmas….I gottta go shopping.
Here’s some crap for you to read for today. That is if you can read. I don’t put up pretty pictures. So put your Public School Education to use. Your parents paid good money (taxes) for you to grow up to be a Dumbass.
- Fat Guy Sues White Castle – This could earn White Castle the Dumbass Business of the Year Award, The Dummy. They should be proud. Morons.
- Dumbass Psychic Should Have Seen This Coming – How you spend your hard earned money is your business, but only a Super Dumbass would spend it on a “psychic” reading. As my late Father used to say: that’s just feedin’ the monkey to watch him shit. Wiser words were never spoken.
- Man Shoots Himself in Weenie – Ouch.
That’s quite a collection of Dumbass Literary Masterpieces for your reading pleasure, but it is an honor, nay, my duty(!), to use the prose of Shakespeare, the drama of Hitchcock and mental illness to make you aware of what’s going on in this cold, cruel world.