Category: Christmas Tree

Dumbass Steals Christmas Tree, Posts Details on Facebook

Confession is good for the Soul

Facebook. The dumbass gift that keeps on giving us dipshits that do dumbass things for the whole world to see. We have over the lifetime of this blog carried several stories about dumbasses on Facebook. For example, this one about a Florida couple who had some “domestic issues” when the lady changed her Facebook status. Hilarity and incarceration ensued. A-hab the A-rab named his newborn daughter “Facebook”. Really. Then yesterday we had the story of a dumbass bimbo who was “unfriended” on FB by her best friend. The bimbo then proceeded to set the best friend’s house on fire. The stoopid bitch is now in the Des Moines, Iowa Crossbar Hilton. Well, my un-friends, there’s another dumbass Facebook story that I feel I feel is worthy of its own page on Dumbass News. And it’s homegrown.

Mainely a Dumbass 

It is with great pride that I am able to bring you a dumbass on Facebook story that took place only 51.19 miles from where I sit right now, in the town of Falmouth, Maine. This is the biggest news to hit Falmouth since the traffic light went up the day before yesterday. Here’s the deal.


The Deal

An 18 year old dumbass, Tyler Winslow, of South Portland, Maine got a wild hair up his ass and decided to go to a Falmouth nursery to get a Christmas tree. Oh, he got a Christmas tree all right. He felled the tree with a 12 gauge shotgun! Tyler, which is a pussy name for a guy anyway, (he should have been named something manly like “Gus“) was on his way to committing the perfect shotgun-removed Christmas tree crime until he did something stoopid. Real stoopid. How stoopid? One word: Facebook. That’s how stoopid. The dumbass took pictures of the tree and told the world how he had gotten it by blasting away at it with a magic wand. Side note: “Magic wand is a slang word for shotgun. Here’s why: when wave a 12 gauge around in a crowd, people suddenly disappear.”

I think that Tyler TKWPNWSHBNG was overcome by his success, and forgot one minor detail about his caper. The Police also read Facebook. They did. He got busted and is now gonna spend his 19th birthday (his B-day is on Christmas Eve!) in jail. Now, that’s what I call Justice. This episode just goes to show that if you have a pussy name, steal a Christmas tree and put proof of your exploits on Facebook, you get what you deserve. On the other hand, since the nimrod’s birthday is Christmas Eve, maybe someone can slip a file into his Christmas stocking. Naaaah. They’d prolly just post about it on Facebook.

Dumbasses.

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