Today’s post is more of a civic duty and/or Public Service Announcement than a dumbass “news” feature. I couldn’t live with myself if I failed to bring it to your attention. That’s just how I roll.
Cicero, Illinois is where our story takes place. Cicero is a town of about 6000 just outside Chicago. Like every city or town in the USA, Cicero has its problems with crime. Take Wilfredo Gonzales, for instance. Please!
Wilfredo is a local repairman who was doing some remodeling for a Cicero couple. All was going well until Wilfredo asked to use the bathroom. He went to the can and then the lady homeowner went into the bathroom and noticed her diamond ring was missing. A valuable diamond ring in the bathroom? With a stranger in the house even? That’s dumbass in and of itself, but it’s also another story for another day. Anyway, The lady notices that the ring is missing and goes to tell her husband about it. The husband confronts Wilfredo who says “No speaky da English.” Actually, Wilfredo denied stealing the ring. and eventually got into a scuffle with the husband. As the husband and Willie were wrestling around, Willie pulls the ring out of his pocket and swallows it! Willie is a pendejo (Spanish for “dumbass”). Thinking by swallowing the ring that he can get away with felony theft, Wilfredo forgot one very important function of the human body – this too shall pass. He also forgot one more very important word from medical community – X- ray. X-rays indeed showed that Wilfredo had eaten the ring.
This line appeared in the UPI article: “Cicero police recovered the ring — but didn’t say how they did it, the Tribune reported.” The Tribune is loaded with dumbasses so this makes perfect sense. The law or the hospital fed ole Willie Boy some fiber and that diamond ring probably felt like a a ball of dull razor blades going through his poop chute. bwahahahaha Willie, next time try the “No speaky da English” bit. It’s more beliveable.