Category: Coast

Another "Dummy" Nominee! 5 Day Cell Phone Guy!

Not for Dumbasses

This time of year always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. That’s because I eat a lot of Meskin food during the Holiday Season. Do you realize what a ton of jalapenos and onions will do to your intestinal tract? Two words: Ass. Explosions. ‘Nuff said. 

On the real side, I really do enjoy the latter part of December. Not because of the Christmas thing and all that, but because it’s the time of year that we at Dumbass News get to look back over the 300+ posts from 2011 and determine who wins the most sought after  prize in the History of the Internet ©. The “Dummy”! 

Yes, friends, I have so much time on my hands that I can actually look through over 300 posts from this year and pick out a handful that are “Dummy”-worthy. Is that sad or what? Now, if each of you were to hit the ole “Donate” button in the right sidebar with a five spot once a month, my lifestyle would improve so I could get off my ass and waste a shitload of money at the strip club take my wife and kids out to eat once in a while. Regardless, I shall sally forth in the great name and cause of dumbassery, exposing the truly demented things that Dumbasses from every nook and cranny of this planet do on a daily basis. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. 

Gilligan’s Island Dumbass  

I have posted this one story numerous times throughout the year and it has been a hit every. single. time. It’s that good. It’s about a guy who took a quick trip to an island just off the California coast just to get away from it all. Like millions of other people, the guy took his cell phone along for the ride. Then he got stranded and a major case of the Dumbass set in. Here’s the story in its entirety.

See what I mean? When the Dumbass hits, it knows no limits to the idiocy it heaps on its innocent, but fucking stoopid, victims.

Our Third Nominee  

Any human being with an ounce of brain power that can do something that damn dumb is a perfect candidate for the 2nd Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Award. Hence, this dumbass is our third nominee for this most-cherished of prizes. Let’s just hope the guy doesn’t get lost on the way to the award ceremonies. He might have to call in using his iPhone. And we don’t have five days to wait on this sorry nitwit.

Not for Dumbasses either.

Dumbass.