Category: Coffee

Dumbass News Birthday Bash Continues! The Readers’ Most Popular Posts

The Dumbass News Birthday Bash continues!

I was going over the blog stats looking for the most popular stories in its two year history so I could re-post them for the Birthday Bash. Of course the older posts are gonna have more views, but the sheer number of views for some of them caught me by surprise.

When I write something, I fully expect it to get a lot of eyeballs on it. But in the case of the most-read stories, some of the stories themselves garnered way more views than I thought they would. I mean, when I write about strippers (or boobs) that brings out the perverts en masse, as expected. Tattoos are also a very popular subject, pot is too, so it comes a no big shocker that stories about pot, strippers (or boobs) and tattoos rank very high on the Dumbass Reading List. Dumbass Newspaper Headlines do well too. Stories about make up do not. See where I’m comin’ from?

Therefore, it comes as no surprise that the stories that got the most attention over the last two years involve strippers (or boobs), tattoos, pot and Dumbass Newspaper Headlines

Here they are:

  • Java Jugs: Have a Coffee and a Lap Dance! – Buy a cup of coffee for twenty bucks and you get a lap dance Free!
  • The Return of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines!This feature is always very well-received by Dumbasses around the world. This early (2nd or 3rd?) edition of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines has been viewed almost 1000 times! Who knew?
  • A Guy Named Gus, His Ducks and Pot – This is the story of a French Guy who innocently feeds his ducks pot. They are very happy ducks. Gus has been read about nearly 1200 times! By stoned Dumbasses.
  • Tattoos Are Forever, Dumbass – I knew this one was gonna be a biggie, but not this big! Viewed nearly 2500 times, this is the tale of a radio station prank and a tattoo that went real wrong.

Those stories oughtta keep you busy and in stitches for a while. With a combined total of over 5000 views, these are the four most-viewed posts in the two year history of Dumbass News. With good reason. See for yourself.

Dumbass.

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Coffee and Lap Dances – Jugs & Java

Coffee? What Coffee?

The Crud ® that my wife was so gracious to pass on to me is kicking my ass. It hurts me just to use the keyboard, but I can’t leave you dumbasses to look this kind of stuff up on your own. Especially dumbassery like you are about to re-read. Married men who search for this kind of “entertainment” on the internet could end up as non-married men looking up this kind of “entertainment” on the internet. I can’t be held responsible for that. But I can recommend a good divorce attorney. I’m just sayin’
From September 9, 2011:

This country has gone to hell in a hand basket. The economy sucks, unemployment is over 9% and now the cops of Edmonds, Washington are busting baristas for flashing their boobs at customers. This is an outrage! It is every American woman’s God-given right to show her hammers to anyone at any time she wants to. It’s gotta be in the Constitution somewhere. Maybe the commerce clause? I have been a fan of knockers for a long time, so this hits me especially hard. I drink coffee on occasion, but I look at tatas every day of my life and have done so for over 50 years. I am not giving up leering at boobs for anybody or any reason!

Here’s the deal: The women in question work for a Starbuck’s-like place called Java Jugs in Edmonds. Irony anyone? Anyway, these broads have been serving more than double latte chocolate mocha espresso supreme with extra sugar and cream. Some customers buy “coffee” for as much as $20. In return they get a lap dance and a good look at some titties. For some odd reason the Police in Edmonds fail to see the benefits of such a “sale”. Did I mention that Java Jugs has a stripper pole inside the shop? Yup. A stripper pole. What good is a stripper pole going unused, just standing there waiting, nay, pleading, for some skank to git nekkid and reveal her assets to paying customers? None, I say!

Think about it. You stop at Dunkin Donuts and pay $5 for a cup of coffee and drive away with nothing but a $5 cup of coffee. Guys who stop at java Jugs come away with much more than just a lousy cup of coffee, they drive away with, er, um, inspiration. And memories of a well-formed set of sweater puppies. And the cops get all in a huff about it. Where’s there sense of live and let live? What do the Police have against boobies? I mean hell.

The Boob Squad of the Edmonds PD found out about this little enterprise and promptly sent over an undercover guy who witnessed what was going on for himself. He even got a lapdance or two or ten (one can never be too hasty when evaluating such a delicate case). After much evidence gathering, the cops wrote out a lot of citations to the sluts ladies working at Java Jugs and the owner of the erstwhile strip joint said that she would be nice and follow the laws as written. No more bare breasts at Java Jugs. sad, isn’t it?

By the way, the police will be keeping an eye peeled for more flashing of the racks at JJ”s. The lawmen also vow to keep doing “undercover” work to keep Java Jugs in compliance. I’ll bet. <snort>

Dumbasses.

Java Jugs: Have a Coffee and a Lapdance

Cofeee? Tea? Lapdance?

This country has gone to hell in a hand basket. The economy sucks, unemployment is over 9% and now the cops of Edmonds, Washington are busting baristas for flashing their boobs at customers. This is an outrage! It is every American woman’s God-given right to show her hammers to anyone at any time she wants to. It’s gotta be in the Constitution somewhere. Maybe the commerce clause? I have been a fan of knockers for a long time, so this hits me especially hard. I drink coffee on occasion, but I look at tatas every day of my life and have done so for over 50 years. I am not giving up leering at boobs for anybody or any reason!

Here’s the deal: The women in question work for a Starbuck’s-like place called Java Jugs in Edmonds. Irony anyone? Anyway, these broads have been serving more than double latte chocolate mocha espresso supreme with extra sugar and cream. Some customers buy “coffee” for as much as $20. In return they get a lap dance and a good look at some titties. For some odd reason the Police in Edmonds fail to see the benefits of such a “sale”. Did I mention that Java Jugs has a stripper pole inside the shop? Yup. A stripper pole. What good is a stripper pole going unused, just standing there waiting, nay, pleading, for some skank to git nekkid and reveal her assets to paying customers? None, I say!

Think about it. You stop at Dunkin Donuts and pay $5 for a cup of coffee and drive away with nothing but a $5 cup of coffee. Guys who stop at java Jugs come away with much more than just a lousy cup of coffee, they drive away with, er, um, inspiration. And memories of a well-formed set of sweater puppies. And the cops get all in a huff about it. Where’s there sense of live and let live? What do the Police have against boobies? I mean hell.

The Boob Squad of the Edmonds PD found out about this little enterprise and promptly sent over an undercover guy who witnessed what was going on for himself. He even got a lapdance or two or ten (one can never be too hasty when evaluating such a delicate case). After much evidence gathering, the cops wrote out a lot of citations to the sluts ladies working at Java Jugs and the owner of the erstwhile strip joint said that she would be nice and follow the laws as written. No more bare breasts at Java Jugs. sad, isn’t it?

By the way, the police will be keeping an eye peeled for more flashing of the racks at JJ”s. The lawmen also vow to keep doing “undercover” work to keep Java Jugs in compliance. I’ll bet. <snort>

Dumbasses.

UPDATE: From Beef Blogonoff in the comments.:
“As for the constitution I believe it’s …they are (well) endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights…(especially)the pursuit of (my)happiness.” bwahahahahahahaha!!!