Category: Coke

Traffic Stop Yields Drugs in Guy’s Prosthetic Leg and in Lady’s Hiney!

When it comes to stories about what lengths drug users and dealers go to to hide their stash, we’ve had some humdingers here on Dumbass News. A cursory search of the blog archives turns up several examples of the innovative methods tweakers employ when smuggling or simply concealing their narcotics:

  • A Nigerian guy living in Brazil planned for his retirement by sending nearly six pounds of cocaine to his native land in roasted chickens!
  • A couple of stoopid bitches were doin’ a solid for a boyfriend by trafficking more than a kilo of coke in their hair weaves! 
  • Fake boobs aren’t just for beauty pageant contestants and strippers any more. A Panamanian lady attempted to haul three pounds of blow into Barcelona in her breast implants! 
  • Not to be outdone, a guy named Dave was busted for having a mobile meth lab in his underwear!

These Dumbasses are pikers compared to the group of jizzwhistlers (thanks @ToddKincannon !) you will learn about today.

Brake Lights Ain’t All That Are Busted

Up the Ass & In the Leg

Four fine young Dumbasses were driving around in Charlotte County, Florida, minding their own bidness when a mean ole Charlotte County Sheriff’s Deputy pulled them over because the brake lights on their tan Hyundai were not working.

As per Standard Long Arm of the Law Operating Procedure, upon approaching the occupants of the
automobile, Deputy Dawg asked all four of the idjits in the car if they were in possession of guns, swords, stash, contraband or nuke-u-lar weapons. All four responded “negatory” and granted the cop permission to search the car.

This is OK if you have nothing to hide, but if you are holding illegal narcotics on your person, this can quickly, as they say, turn around and bite you in the ass. Such was the case when the Law asked one of the passengers if he had any drugs hidden in his prosthetic leg. He did.

It was at this point of the investigation that the fun began. If you were the Cops. The four suspects? Not so much.

Here a Drug, There a Drug, Everywhere a Drug Drug

Now the Fuzz has the right to really start a serious examination of not only the car, but the Four Dumbasses as well. 

The driver of the car, a woman, was found to be concealing a bag of some nasty shit (morphine and hydromorphine) in her bra. She also confessed to having a hydromorhine pill in her wallet laying on the front seat of the car. At this time, she performed the Old Fake-a-rooni Evasive Maneuver on the Deputy, raced over to her wallet, quickly grab said pill and swallowed it!

During a further inspection of the car, the cops found some other shit, including some hypodermic needles.

Then it happened.

The lady ‘fessed up and admitted that she had one more hypo hidden on her person.

In. Her. Ass.

Now, I’m not a user of illegal drugs, but if I were, and I learned that the needle I was about to use to main line some morphine had been hidden in some chick’s asshole, it is at this exact moment that I would become an ex-illegal drug user. Pronto. “Tainted” narcotics (see what I did there?) be damned.

It won’t be long now that the young lady’s ass will be used for more than concealing hypodermic needles. See: Lezbeans in Prison movies.

Dumbasses.

***Hat Tip Sun Sentinel and HuffPo***
***Photo From SunSentinel*** 

Newest Cocaine Smuggling Device: Hair Weaves!

Best of Dumbass News

You are about to read about what could be the Co-Dumbasses of the Year, which would be a first in the history of the Dumbass of the Year Awards.

While it is still too way too early to make a call on the winner of the 3rd Annual Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award, the two idjits in this story are the leaders in the clubhouse as of today.

Creatively Stoopid

We have covered all kinds of smuggling here at Dumbass News, from the guy who smuggled cocaine in roasted chickens, a Playboy Bunny who smuggles Canadians into the USA to a guy who tried to sneak some illegal cockroaches into the country, but we have never and I mean never had the honor on reporting on a Dumbass who tried to smuggle cocaine into the United States in a hair weave!

Today, we have the good fortune of telling you of TWO Dumbasses who thought bringing contraband onto US soil in hair weaves was a good idea!

No matter how idiotic the scheme, you gotta give these two an A+ for creativity.

Doing a Boyfriend a Favor

From HuffPoThat’s the hair-raising accusation that has Kiana Howell and Makeeba Graham tangled up in a criminal case. The two women were arrested early Sunday morning at JFK Airport in New York after their extra-tall hair weaves raised the suspicions of guards.
Howell and Graham had just arrived from the South American country of Guyana and caught the attention of officials when they started wigging out as they approached customs, the New York Post reported.
Officers started sniffing around and, upon closer inspection, discovered more than two pounds of cocaine woven into the two women’s hairdos, according to The Smoking Gun.
Officials said Howell and Graham concealed the cocaine in form-fitting plastic bags on their scalps. Howell allegedly had 35.1 ounces of nose candy hidden under her hair weave, while Graham is accused of hiding 36.9 ounces beneath hers, UPI reported. 

Kiana Howell Makeeba Brown
Kiana, the bitch who looks like Flip Wilson, said, of course, that she had no idea what was in the packages, but she was just doin’ a solid for her Guyanan boyfriend. And $7500. Yep. Not much says “I didn’t know what was in there” like being paid seven and a half large for being the courier of a package with two pounds “unknown contents”. On your fucking skull! Nothing suspicious there. Move along.

I shave my head so I have no hair up there, but I gotta a feeling that if I put on a wig that weighed two pounds, I just might say to myself, “Self, something is screwy here”.

But that’s just me.

Not Kiana and Makeeba. And by the way, who the hell in their right mind names their kid “Makeeba”? Oh, yeah. A coke head that’s who.

Dumbasses.

The Old "Smuggle the Cocaine in the Hair Weave" Trick

You are about to read about what could be the Co-Dumbasses of the Year, which would be a first in the history of the Dumbass of the Year Awards.

While it is still too way too early to make a call on the winner of the 3rd Annual Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award, the two idjits in this story are the leaders in the clubhouse as of today.

Creatively Stoopid

We have covered all kinds of smuggling here at Dumbass News, from the guy who smuggled cocaine in roasted chickens, a Playboy Bunny who smuggles Canadians into the USA to a guy who tried to sneak some illegal cockroaches into the country, but we have never and I mean never had the honor on reporting on a Dumbass who tried to smuggle cocaine into the United States in a hair weave!

Today, we have the good fortune of telling you of TWO Dumbasses who thought bringing contraband onto US soil in hair weaves was a good idea!

No matter how idiotic the scheme, you gotta give these two an A+ for creativity.

Doing a Boyfriend a Favor

From HuffPo, That’s the hair-raising accusation that has Kiana Howell and Makeeba Graham tangled up in a criminal case. The two women were arrested early Sunday morning at JFK Airport in New York after their extra-tall hair weaves raised the suspicions of guards.
Howell and Graham had just arrived from the South American country of Guyana and caught the attention of officials when they started wigging out as they approached customs, the New York Post reported.
Officers started sniffing around and, upon closer inspection, discovered more than two pounds of cocaine woven into the two women’s hairdos, according to The Smoking Gun.
Officials said Howell and Graham concealed the cocaine in form-fitting plastic bags on their scalps. Howell allegedly had 35.1 ounces of nose candy hidden under her hair weave, while Graham is accused of hiding 36.9 ounces beneath hers, UPI reported. 

Kiana Howell Makeeba Brown
Kiana, the bitch who looks like Flip Wilson, said, of course, that she had no idea what was in the packages, but she was just doin’ a solid for her Guyanan boyfriend. And $7500. Yep. Not much says “I didn’t know what was in there” like being paid seven and a half large for being the courier of a package with two pounds “unknown contents”. On your fucking skull! Nothing suspicious there. Move along.

I shave my head so I have no hair up there, but I gotta a feeling that if I put on a wig that weighed two pounds, I just might say to myself, “Self, something is screwy here”.

But that’s just me.

Not Kiana and Makeeba. And by the way, who the hell in their right mind names their kid “Makeeba”? Oh, yeah. A coke head that’s who.

Dumbasses.