Category: Cops

My Dumbass Dliemma, The Fwench, Utah Dumbasses & 9-1-1 Dumbassery

I Have Been to the Mountain Top!

Fellow Dumbasses, I need you today like I’ve never needed you before. I guess that’s because I’ve never needed you before. Literary Brilliance Note: The first two sentences of this post were put there to “hook” you into reading further. That’s why it is called a “hook”. See? It worked.You’re still here, ain’t you? Just like a hungry catfish that can’t resist that big ass hunk of smelly, juicy chicken live on a 3/0 fishing hook, I have reeled you in. Damn, I’m good!

My Dilemma 


I am facing something that I suppose that every world famous, adualted, idolized two bit blogger like me encounters every once in a while. You see, when you’re at the top your blogging game a retired middle aged piss ant “wirier” like me, there will come a time when it’s almost impossible to live up stay in the cesspool of daily blogging. Sometimes the Blogging gods look down upon you with pity and bless you with a week’s worth of material that is divinely inspired – like last week. The problem is how in the name of all that is Holy do you follow up such sagacity without taking a dramatic plunge back into the depths of internet darkness? That’s the difficulty I confronted this week. How could I not crash and burn???!!!


On a Roll

I don’t know how it happened but it happened. Another Dumbass Week of outstanding dumbassery inj the shadow of the Dumbassery before it, and I pulled it off with aplomb, never once intimidated by the mission before me. It? “It” is following up last week’s masterpieces with equally hypnotic screeds thus preventing that “falling off a cliff” feeling that so often follows such classic works. When you are in the pits, the fall ain’t so bad, but when you are at the apex of blogging brilliance as I was last week, the long, frightening descent to oblivion gives one an emotion of desperation exceeded only by the thoughts of the sudden stop at the end of the seemingly never ending dive.

Dumbassery for the Ages

Alas, next week will present me with a whole new set of tribulations to conquer. The coming days can wait, however, as I bask in the warm glow of my achievements of yesterweek.

Speaking of yesterweek, I just happened to have saved for posterity the timeless musings of your Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde with your children and grand children in mind. Some day the little bastiges tykes will grow up and read the heartwarming prose of their ancestors. When that melancholy moment embraces them, a tear will well up in their eyes, memories of long ago suddenly rushing through their minds, an inaudible whisper will caress their lips as it flows to the ears of the Almighty (or one of his sidekicks)…..”Damn. Dad sure was a Dumbass.” <sniffle>

The Timelessness of Excellence

As type through the mistiness of tears blurring my vision, tearsinspired by the bullshit tenderness, as presented above,of what is yet to come, I impart to you the glue that holds us all together, that all encompassing power that is Dumbassery.

  • Learning from the Fwench – Two words I never thought I’d put in the same sentence. “Learn” and “Fwench”. Raise the Fwench National Flag! The solid white one. The end is nigh.Sacre bleu!
  • Utah and Moonbats – Two more words I would have bet my gazebos on that I would never put in the same sentence. “Moonbats” and “Utah”. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are mounting up for a ride.
  • 9-1-1: Hotline to an Ass Kickin’ – Hello, Police? Would you be so kind as to stop by my place? I need a good ass kickin’. And a few felonies.” The cops are quick to oblige requests like this one. 

I told you. Dumabssery that evokes emotion, thought and projectile puking. 

Adieu, You Cop Fightin’ Fwench Cougars and…

Dumbasses.

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South Smoke Shop – One word. Cigars. “nuff said.

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Ass Tasing Cops!

Ass Tickler

Cops have one of the toughest jobs in the world. So a little workplace levity to ease the tension that police officers face every day doesn’t seem like a bad idea. That is, until a dumbass cop tasers the ass of a female colleague. At this point, a little workplace levity becomes a little workplace sexual harassment, or at the very least a dumbass idea when the workplace is Police Headquarters!

Here’s the deal: a lady cop goes over to a male colleague and shows him something on her iPod. He then pulls out his taser (thank, God that’s all he pulled out) and started chasing the lady cop around the police department building and the dumbass tases his female co-worker in her ass! That’s his first problem. his second problem is the fact that the police department has video cameras in every possible place! His third problem is that there are several fellow police officers witnessing this whole ass-tasing! The guy cop’s next problem is that the local media are on this story like a duck on a June bug, which leads to the guy’s next problem – Lt. Rich Gibbons, who, despite the fact that he is an accomplished Sheriff’s Deputy, he is also a dumbass. While being interviewed about the incident by a local TV station, Lt. Gibbons said (this is an exact quote) “It wasn’t done as a malicious act, but it was horseplay utilizing a Taser.” What.The Frak.? “Horseplay utilizing a taser”? It is my understanding that all police officers go through taser training which includes having the taser used on their own selves. It is also my understanding that a taser dispenses an electric shock of about 50,000 volts! Now, it may just be me, but if I were to be hit with 50,000 volts, my gazebos would would somehow go back to from whence they came, and I would have to change my name to Tobina. thanks, but no thanks. Lt. Gibbons then chimes in with this classic, “My reaction is that it’s not tolerable” because it’s on taxpayer time. That utterance in and of itself leads us in new direction of dumbassery, but that’s for another time.

Again, let me say that I have done a lot of work with police departments all over the state of Texas as a media guy back in the day, and I have nothing but the greatest respect and admiration for an often thankless but dangerous job that they do. That said, I am only highlighting this one incident, in which a lone cop acts like a dumbass. My advice to the dumbass cop with the tasering the ass fetish, next time man up and show her your night stick. Dumbass.

Dumbass Cop Tasers Female Cop’s Ass…At The Police Dept.!

Cops have one of the toughest jobs in the world. So a little workplace levity to ease the tension that police officers face every day doesn’t seem like a bad idea. That is, until a dumbass cop tasers the ass of a female colleague. At this point, a little workplace levity becomes a little workplace sexual harassment, or at the very least a dumbass idea when the workplace is Police Headquarters!

Here’s the deal: a lady cop goes over to a male colleague and shows him something on her iPod. He then pulls out his taser (thank, God that’s all he pulled out) and started chasing the lady cop around the police department building and the dumbass tases his female co-worker in her ass! That’s his first problem. his second problem is the fact that the police department has video cameras in every possible place! His third problem is that there are several fellow police officers witnessing this whole ass-tasing! The guy cop’s next problem is that the local media are on this story like a duck on a June bug, which leads to the guy’s next problem – Lt. Rich Gibbons, who, despite the fact that he is an accomplished Sheriff’s Deputy, he is also a dumbass. While being interviewed about the incident by a local TV station, Lt. Gibbons said (this is an exact quote) “It wasn’t done as a malicious act, but it was horseplay utilizing a Taser.” What.The Frak.? “Horseplay utilizing a taser”? It is my understanding that all police officers go through taser training which includes having the taser used on their own selves. It is also my understanding that a taser dispenses an electric shock of about 50,000 volts! Now, it may just be me, but if I were to be hit with 50,000 volts, my gazebos would would somehow go back to from whence they came, and I would have to change my name to Tobina. thanks, but no thanks. Lt. Gibbons then chimes in with this classic, “My reaction is that it’s not tolerable” because it’s on taxpayer time. That utterance in and of itself leads us in new direction of dumbassery, but that’s for another time.

Again, let me say that I have done a lot of work with police departments all over the state of Texas as a media guy back in the day, and I have nothing but the greatest respect and admiration for an often thankless but dangerous job that they do. That said, I am only highlighting this one incident, in which a lone cop acts like a dumbass. My advice to the dumbass cop with the tasering the ass fetish, next time man up and show her your night stick. Dumbass.