|The Greatest Dumbass Ever!|
As we begin this week’s look back into Dumbass News History, I’d first like to salute perhaps The Greatest Dumbass of Them All. He was born Jerome Lester Horvitz in New York on October 22, 1903. He was the youngest of four (or five, I forget, but so the fuck what) brothers. His older siblings included Moses and Samuel, who would also become two of the Greatest Dumbasses of All Time. Some combination of Jerome, Moses and Samuel have been entertaining men and children, but I repeat myself, for nearly 80 years. Their brand of comedy revolutionized the way we laugh at things. An eye poke here, a boink on top of the head there and, along with Lawrence Feinstein of Philadelphia, some of the most hilarious comedy in the history of mankind were their trademarks. My favorite of these three was Jerome. I’ll stop here because, if you haven’t already, you’ll guess that I am telling you of Curly Howard. yes, that Curly Howard. His brothers were Samuel (Shemp) and Moses (Moe). And as the late Paul Harvey said so many times over the years…Now you know the … of the story. Happy Birthday, Curly! The Greatest Stooge and the Greatest Dumbass. Check out this clip from 1936’s Disorder in the Court. Be sure to catch the part with Curly getting on the witness stand. After lterally seeing this hundreds of times over the last 50 plus years, I still fall out when I see it. Pure genius. Nyuk. Nyuk. Nyuk.
Not nearly as funny as Curly, but still pr damn humorous is a look at some of the columns that have been reader favorites over the last year’s worth of Dumbass News. Today’s theme; Fish.
- PETA and the Dancing Shrimp – I love to tweak liberal sissies and there are no better liberal sissies to tweak than the self-righteous assholes at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I do so in this post. Now I am off to eat some inhumanely killed beef. Medium rare.
- Dumbass Shows “Tackle Box” While Fishing – the problem with this guy is his worm. a measly 4 incher. Must be fishing for perch. Dumbass.
- Brit Catches 6 Foot, 200 Pounder, Then Releases It! – you have got to read this to believe it! Frakkin’ flat funny!
That’s your Dumbass Seafood Menu for today, so sit back. relax and curse and laugh with much gusto at these dumbasses. It’ll make you feel better. Guaranteed.
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WARNING: SOME READERS MAY FIND THE FOLLOWING STORY TOO GRAPHIC!
Let me state this up front. I think the vast majority of people who are members of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) are dumbasses. Having said that, I know there are people in the organization who truly believe in PETA’s mission of stopping animal cruelty, and they do so legally and non-violently. I agree with these people 100%. Anybody who deliberately abuses an animal through acts of violence, starvation, neglect or whatever, should be punished to the full extent of the law. I am not talking about hunting or fishing, as the overwhelming number of these sportsmen obey applicable rules and regulations regarding their harvesting of animals or fish. Those outdoorsmen who do break the rules and regs concerning their sport, should also be punished according to the law. Now that that has been cleared up…
PETA has proven many times in the past to be a bunch of hypocritical dumbasses. Just click the previous link for stories regarding unlawful and sometimes violent behavior perpetrated by its members. And that link is the result of just one simple bing search. I won’t go into detail here, so just take a minute to see for yourself at the link. Well, it looks like the dumbasses at PETA are at it again. They have found something else to exercise control over, and make no mistake PETA is all about controlling the behavior of others because anyone that disagrees with them is a target of ridicule and scorn, or worse. Here’s the deal: this restaurant in California (go figure) has an item on their menu called “dancing shrimp” and Aol News says, “The “dancing prawn” dish features live prawns with their shells ripped off. When diners squeeze the lemon, the prawns react as you might in that situation: with a great big “ouch” reflex.” In other words, shrimp feel pain and PETA wants the “dancing shrimp” off the menu. Point number one; anybody who eats a live shrimp is a dumbass. Point number two: why the hell is it any of PETA’s business if this place serves “dancing shrimp” or not? Now, if the restaurant served, say, kittens in this manner, I’d side with PETA in a heartbeat. But we are talking shrimp here! Again, I wouldn’t eat a live shrimp to save my Mama’s life and people who do are a screwed up bunch. But PETA puts their nose in a small businessman’s business, screams , hollers and Lord knows what else and he caves in like a sand tunnel. What option does have? He’s just one guy with one restaurant and PETA is a big organization with tons of money from like-minded dumbasses who “care” for the shrimp. Hey, PETA! Do unborn babies feel pain, too? If you are satisfied that they do, do you wanna save them, too? Just askin’. Dumbasses.