Category: Dayton

The Dumbass Bank Robber and the Getaway Bus

Lousy Getaway Car

I know that no member of this blog has any sort of legal woes in his or her past. After all, you are dumbasses and dumbasses never have run ins with the law. Can you believe that I wrote that with a straight face? Let’s say for the sake of argument that you were the mastermind of a planned bank robbery. Assuming that you actually went into the bank, handed the teller a note demanding money and she complied and you haul ass out the door. What’s the next logical step in this plan? Yes! Making a clean getaway! Hopefully in a very fast getaway car. Believe it or not, a dumbass crook in Dayton, Ohio pulled off the bank robbery and was making a … s…l…o…w getaway. Let me splain.

Dumbass bank robber, Lonnie Johnson, is the above-mentioned crook in Dayton. he made the heist, ran outside, went down the street two blocks from the bank and wait…for…it…stood in line to board a bus!!! The bus came Lonnie got on it and he was home free! Not really, I made that home free part up. In the meantime, the cops had arrived at the bank and interviewed some people and some of them witnessed Lonnie board the bus. At this point, the police obtained information on the bus’ route and simply followed the route , caught up with the bus and  arrested Lonnie while he was still in his seat. What a dumbass.

Not that I am planning a career change to become a bank robber, but as a public service to any and all bank robbers reading this blog, I feel obligated to point out some flaws in Lonnie’s attempted robbery. First of all, if you plan on fleeing on foot for any portion of your getaway, it would be much better if you ran for more than two blocks from the bank. Second, don’t stop and wait for a bus! It is a well-known fact that 99% of all the best bank robbers use really fast cars or maybe even motorcycles to effect a successful, at least in the beginning of the getaway process, escape from the authorities. Public transportation is notoriously slow and not on schedule and this will hamper even your best efforts to give the heat the slip, leading to a long period of incarceration at the nearest Federal Prison, maybe even with our man Lonnie. Dumbass.

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