Category: Dead Guy

Nekkid Golfers, Mice-a-Roni & Dead Guy Dots The "I" at Ohio State

Mice-a-Roni

Best of Dumbass News

 
‘Tis the Sabbath and it’s gonna be a busy one here at the Dumbass Dome. Believe it or not, I am gonna do some gardening, indoors of course. For new readers, I live in Maine therefore November is not the best time to grow shit. Being the mule headed sumbitch I am, I like to try to do shit under adverse conditions just to see if I can make it work. I will make it work. Hence, gardening in November in Maine. I will prolly plant some cool weather stuff like lettuce. I would try to grow some warm weather crops, but my wife is a native Mainer and likes the house kept colder than a well digger’s ass in January. Adios good stuff like tomatoes and peppers until spring time. Asi es la vida.

Here is some stuff that doesn’t require heat, but it is loaded with fertilizer bullshit.

  • College Golf Team Poses for Nekkid CalendarThese dumbasses posed nekkid for the calendar, but they hid their gazebos with golf clubs. It’s funny stuff, so it’s worth the read just to see how many golfing metaphors I can use in lieu of cuss words.
  • Dead Guy Dots the EyeThis is a rather timely story, it being football season and all. This is the tale of a dead guy that pays his last respects to the Ohio State University by dotting the “i”. Read it to see what I mean.
  • Mice-a-Roni!Thank God this story wasn’t about Hamburger Helper. 

That’s a pretty good lineup for perusal during beer commercials for the NFL games being broadcast today, especially the “Dead Guy “I” dotter.

Here’s something that I should do every day, but I am a Dumbass and for whatever reason(s),  just forget to do it. In the side bar to the right you’ll find several buttons where you can follow me on several social media sites. Please do so! Don’t forget that I am a 55 year old guy who has 9 and 4 year old daughters who need something new, like shoes, clothes and all that shit, every 10 minutes. Well…it seems like every 10 minutes. And Christmas isn’t that far away. Having said that, also in right sidebar you’ll see a “Donate” button. I know times are tough for so many dumbasses worried about their own families, but if you can donate a dollar or two (any amount is welcome), it would make a Middle Aged Dumbass very happy and grateful. I guess I could use the direct approach to this donation thing as well.  

 
Dumbass.
Advertisements

Nekkididity, Dead Guy Dots the "I" and Mice-a-Roni!

Mice-a-Roni

‘Tis the Sabbath and it’s gonna be a busy one here at the Dumbass Dome. Believe it or not, I am gonna do some gardening, indoors of course. For new readers, I live in Maine therefore November is not the best time to grow shit. Being the mule headed sumbitch I am, I like to try to do shit under adverse conditions just to see if I can make it work. I will make it work. Hence, gardening in November in Maine. I will prolly plant some cool weather stuff like lettuce. I would try to grow some warm weather crops, but my wife is a native Mainer and likes the house kept colder than a well digger’s ass in January. Adios good stuff like tomatoes and peppers until spring time. Asi es la vida.

Here is some stuff that doesn’t require heat, but it is loaded with fertilizer bullshit.

  • College Golf Team Poses for Nekkid CalendarThese dumbasses posed nekkid for the calendar, but they hid their gazebos with golf clubs. It’s funny stuff, so it’s worth the read just to see how many golfing metaphors I can use in lieu of cuss words.
  • Dead Guy Dots the Eye – This is a rather timely story, it being football season and all. This is the tale of a dead guy that pays his last respects to the Ohio State University by dotting the “i”. Read it to see what I mean.
  • Mice-a-Roni! – Thank God this story wasn’t about Hamburger Helper. 

That’s a pretty good lineup for perusal during beer commercials for the NFL games being broadcast today, especially the “Dead Guy “I” dotter.

Here’s something that I should do every day, but I am a Dumbass and for whatever reason(s),  just forget to do it. In the side bar to the right you’ll find several buttons where you can follow me on several social media sites. Please do so! Don’t forget that I am a 55 year old guy who has 9 and 4 year old daughters who need something new, like shoes, clothes and all that shit, every 10 minutes. Well…it seems like every 10 minutes. And Christmas isn’t that far away. Having said that, also in right sidebar you’ll see a “Donate” button. I know times are tough for so many dumbasses worried about their own families, but if you can donate a dollar or two (any amount is welcome), it would make a Middle Aged Dumbass very happy and grateful. I guess I could use the direct approach to this donation thing as well. Hit the fucking tip jar, Dumbass!  🙂

Dead Guy Dots the "I"

Dot the”i”

The University of Texas. I love it. I will be a Longhorn till the day the Good Lord calls me home. (which is no time soon, I hope) There’s not much I wouldn’t do to show my support for them. Paint myself burnt orange and white for a game? Sure. Wear those foam longhorns on my head. No problem. When I die have my open coffin placed oin the field while the Show Band of the Southwest does a halftime program? Are you fucking crazy?

I bring this up because a fellow in Ohio was the “i” in the word “Ohio” when the band formed the word on the field. As far as I can tell, this was not during a game. The Dead Buckeye was such an Ohio State University fan that he was the “i” in that formation. Attendance figures were not available. Heh. However, the Horseshoe, the OSU football stadium, holds about 105,000 insane Buckeye fans. I have been there, I know this. Dotting the “i” in “Ohio” is quite an honor to OSU supporters, but I have found nothing that says a dead guy in an open casket has been the “i” before. I hate to speak ill of the dearly departed, but this guy was eat up with the dumbass before he died. It’s a common ailment among Ohio State fans. Remember, I have been to a game there, where by the way it’s $3 for a 20 oz. Sprite as of a few years ago. Dumbasses. Maybe I should be the dumbass because I paid the three bucks for a 20 oz.soda. With no liquor in it! Back to the dead guy. Couldn’t he left a contribution to the school’s scholarship fund? say, like a $1.86? Or $3 so some poor kid could buy a 20 oz. soda?

Now that I have insulted millions of Buckeye fans around the world, I am not looking for an invitation to tour Columbus any time soon. Although a trip to Cleveland might be cool. bwahahahahahaha I kill me. But when I die I will not have my ashes put in Bevo’s (UT Longhorn bull mascot) hay so he can poop me in the South end zone of Darrel K. Royal-Memrorial Stadium in Austin. I would not mind whatsoever having my ashes scattered all over the female UT cheerleaders. Plus I’ll leave my $1.86 to the UT scholarship fund so some poor UTexas student can purchase a 1/2 price margarita at some sleazy joint on 6th street. That’s just how I roll.

Dumbass.