Category: Dead People

Target Practice and Traffic Light Cameras! Dead People Beware!

My job in keeping this blog up and running is just a matter of me getting off my ass and writing something every day. That’s the hard part. The easy part is, as I have mentioned a million times, finding a dumbass to write about. And as Luck would have it, this Great Experiment in Democracy with its 310 million plus residents provides an endless supply of dumbass material. three of the most common themes are drugs (namely pot), tattoos and dead people.

Dead people tend to make the headlines quite often actually. I have written several stories about the dumbassery that goes along with being dead, not that it’s the dead guy’s fault. For some Dead People Dumbassery, you can check this post about the dearly departed receiving Social Security benefits and other taxpayer-funded subsidies. On a related note, this guy was getting his monthly gubmint check like clockwork. I am sure he would appreciate that except for the fact that he’s dead! And, lo and behold, today death again leads us to more dumbassery from the people put in charge of the department of Public Dumbassery and Stoopid Shit. I know that’s going around the coffee cup to find the handle but it’s worth the wait for today’s Dumbassery From the Grave!! 

High Tech Target Practice

Best of Dumbass News

In Miami Gardens, Florida (Florida!!!), the city uses traffic light cameras to catch those hardened criminals who run red lights! As you know I am against violence unless it is totally necessary to the plot. Plot meet violence. Hence, I shall refer to traffic light cameras as “target practice”. I absolutely do not endorse or encourage any dumbasses to sight in his .22 rifle on the local “target practice” in his town, but I live in New England and I can not report what I don’t witness. I’m just sayin’. Back to Miami Gardens and the “target practice-using communists who run the place…Recently,  “target practice” caught a car breaking a traffic law at a local traffic intersection. :::SNAP::: The traffic light cam “target practice” did its “job” by catching this vicious resident violating City Law! Score one for the Commies. Almost. The car featured in the photo was the car of a dead woman! The decedent’s family had, already turned in the tags to her car and done all the Commie Bullshit a family’s gotta do after a loved one dies. But the “target practice” doesn’t lie! Look! There’s the image of the car and it’s driver right there! The one minor flaw in the photographic evidence of wrong doing is that the, once again, the lady who owned the car is graveyard dead. Has been for months. So now the City and the company who runs the “target practice” program in Miami Gardens (American Traffic Solutions, Inc.) are back tracking like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers doing the tango. Same old shit. “We’re sorry…”, “we’ll take care off it for you…”…the usual crap.

Here’s my take: Take down these fucking electronic invaders of my space and privacy and shove them up your collective ass, Miami Gardens! As far as American Traffic Solutions, inc., the program overseers, what I have in mind for them is against the law in Florida, so I’ll refrain from comment o that except to say that it involves a ribeye steak rub on the body, alligators and other such fun, froth and frivolity. It is my firm belief that until these “target practices” are removed from traffic lights in Miami Gardens (bwahahahaha, I kill myself. Like that will ever happen!). Or until they somehow malfunction and are beyond repair and cost prohibitive to replace. Two words: target practice. I hope you know that I am just teasing about that part.

Kind of.

Dumbasses.

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More Dead People Dumbassery!

Big Brother

My job in keeping this blog up and running is just a matter of me getting off my ass and writing something every day. That’s the hard part. The easy part is, as I have mentioned a million times, finding a dumbass to write about. and as Luck would have it, this great experiment in Democracy with its 310 million plus residents provides an endless supply of dumbass material. three of the most common themes are drugs (namely pot), tattoos and dead people.

Dead people tend to make the headlines quite often actually. I have written several stories about the dumbassery that goes along with being dead, not that it’s the dead guy’s fault. For some Dead People Dumbassery, you can check this post about the dearly departed receiving Social Security benefits and other taxpayer-funded subsidies. On a related note, this guy was getting his monthly gubmint check like clockwork. I am sure he would appreciate that except for the fact that he’s dead! And, lo and behold, today death again leads us to more dumbassery from the people put in charge of the department of Public Dumbassery and Stoopid Shit. I know that’s going around the coffee cup to find the handle but it’s worth the wait for today’s Dumbassery From the Grave!! 

In Miami Gardens, Florida (Florida!!!), the city uses traffic light cameras to catch those hardened criminals who run red lights! As you know I am against violence unless it is totally necessary to the plot. Plot meet violence. Hence, I shall refer to traffic light cameras as “target practice”. I absolutely do not endorse or encourage any dumbasses to sight in his .22 rifle on the local “target practice” in his town, but I live in New England and I can not report what I don’t witness. I’m just sayin’. Back to Miami Gardens and the “target practice-using communists who run the place…Recently,  “target practice” caught a car breaking a traffic law at a local traffic intersection. :::SNAP::: The traffic light cam “target practice” did its “job” by catching this vicious resident violating City Law! Score one for the Commies. Almost. The car featured in the photo was the car of a dead woman! The decedent’s family had already turned in the tags to her car and done all the Commie Bullshit a family’s gotta do after a loved one dies. But the “target practice” doesn’t lie! Look! There’s the image of the car and it’s driver right there! The one minor flaw in the photographic evidence of wrong doing is that the, once again, the lady who owned the car is graveyard dead. Has been for months. So now the City and the company who runs the “target practice” program in Miami Gardens (American Traffic Solutions, Inc.) are back tracking like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers doing the tango. Same old shit. “We’re sorry…”, “we’ll take care off it for you…”…the usual crap.

Here’s my take: Take down these fucking electronic invaders of my space and privacy and shove them up your collective ass, Miami Gardens! As far as American Traffic Solutions, inc., the program overseers, what I have in mind for them is against the law in Florida, so I’ll refrain from comment o that except to say that it involves a ribeye steak rub on the body, alligators and other such fun, froth and frivolity. It is my firm belief that until these “target practices” are removed from traffic lights in Miami Gardens (bwahahahaha, I kill myself. Like that will ever happen!). Or until they somehow malfunction and are beyond repair and cost prohibitive to replace. Two words: target practice. I hope you know that I am just teasing about that part.

Kind of.

Dumbasses.

Target Practice and Traffic Light Cameras! Dead People Beware!

High Tech Target Practice

My job in keeping this blog up and running is just a matter of me getting off my ass and writing something every day. That’s the hard part. The easy part is, as I have mentioned a million times, finding a dumbass to write about. and as Luck would have it, this great experiment in Democracy with its 310 million plus residents provides an endless supply of dumbass material. three of the most common themes are drugs (namely pot), tattoos and dead people.

Dead people tend to make the headlines quite often actually. I have written several stories about the dumbassery that goes along with being dead, not that it’s the dead guy’s fault. For some Dead People Dumbassery, you can check this post about the dearly departed receiving Social Security benefits and other taxpayer-funded subsidies. On a related note, this guy was getting his monthly gubmint check like clockwork. I am sure he would appreciate that except for the fact that he’s dead! And, lo and behold, today death again leads us to more dumbassery from the people put in charge of the department of Public Dumbassery and Stoopid Shit. I know that’s going around the coffee cup to find the handle but it’s worth the wait for today’s Dumbassery From the Grave!! 

In Miami Gardens, Florida (Florida!!!), the city uses traffic light cameras to catch those hardened criminals who run red lights! As you know I am against violence unless it is totally necessary to the plot. Plot meet violence. Hence, I shall refer to traffic light cameras as “target practice”. I absolutely do not endorse or encourage any dumbasses to sight in his .22 rifle on the local “target practice” in his town, but I live in New England and I can not report what I don’t witness. I’m just sayin’. Back to Miami Gardens and the “target practice-using communists who run the place…Recently,  “target practice” caught a car breaking a traffic law at a local traffic intersection. :::SNAP::: The traffic light cam “target practice” did its “job” by catching this vicious resident violating City Law! Score one for the Commies. Almost. The car featured in the photo was the car of a dead woman! The decedent’s family had, already turned in the tags to her car and done all the Commie Bullshit a family’s gotta do after a loved one dies. But the “target practice” doesn’t lie! Look! There’s the image of the car and it’s driver right there! The one minor flaw in the photographic evidence of wrong doing is that the, once again, the lady who owned the car is graveyard dead. Has been for months. So now the City and the company who runs the “target practice” program in Miami Gardens (American Traffic Solutions, Inc.) are back tracking like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers doing the tango. Same old shit. “We’re sorry…”, “we’ll take care off it for you…”…the usual crap.

Here’s my take: Take down these fucking electronic invaders of my space and privacy and shove them up your collective ass, Miami Gardens! As far as American Traffic Solutions, inc., the program overseers, what I have in mind for them is against the law in Florida, so I’ll refrain from comment o that except to say that it involves a ribeye steak rub on the body, alligators and other such fun, froth and frivolity. It is my firm belief that until these “target practices” are removed from traffic lights in Miami Gardens (bwahahahaha, I kill myself. Like that will ever happen!). Or until they somehow malfunction and are beyond repair and cost prohibitive to replace. Two words: target practice. I hope you know that I am just teasing about that part.

Kind of.

Dumbasses.

SSA Says Lady is Alive; Lady Says Nothing; She’s DEAD

Under Gubmint Control

Yesterday we read about a bank that declared a lady dead, but she really wasn’t , despite her best efforts to prove otherwise by doing things like showing up at the bank and, you know, breathing and stuff. Today’s story is along the same lines except vice versa. A lady died but the US Gubmint kept sending her Social Security checks for years! That would have been a good gig for a non-dead person. But for dead people? Not so much.

The dead lady in question is the late, and I mean real late, Gladys Stansbury of Jennings, Missouri. Gladys’ body was found mummified when neighbors called the police to report the daughter had not been seen for several days. Ms. Stansbury had been living in her home with her daughter, who was also found dead inside the house(!), when she died. Although I am not a scientist and I don’t play one on TV, I can only deduce from this story that death is contagious. Therefore, if you have any dead people in your house, I would highly recommend that you give them a proper Christian/Jewish/Athiest/Whatever burial or throw the body into the nearest fast-flowing river and forget you ever knew the dead guy. I’m just sayin’.

Anyway, the Gubmint kept sending Gladys her monthly Social Security checks for years after she died. Is this a great country or what? I would make a snarky comment here about Gubmint inefficiency and bureaucracy, but I’ll leave that to a saying I saw on a T-shirt at the Eastport, Maine 4th of July Festival. The shirt was worn by an Indian from a near-by reservation at Pleasant Point. The slogan said, “Trust the Government? Ask an Indian.”

I also have a slogan for the bureaucratic dipshits at the SSA, with whom I have been fighting for over a year just to get my own money from the blood sucking bastards. My motto is as follows: Kiss. My. Ass. Numbnuts. Or die trying.Your check is in the mail.

Dumbasses.

(hat tip: stlouistoday.com)

Dear Dead Person: We Have a Check For You, Signed US Govt.

Hey! I got my check, did you?

By many accounts, the stimulus package passed by the US Congress in February, 2009, has been an unmitigated dumbass move. Nineteen months after this monstrosity got the Congressional Okie Dokie, unemployment remains above 9.5 per cent, home foreclosures continue unabated and consumer confidence in the economy is almost nonexistent. How, oh, how could Congress frak things up any more than they already have? Just when you thought the answer was “things are FUBAR’ed”, our elected dumbasses come to the “resuce” with something even more stupid! Yes, America, members of our national government have been working overtime to figure out new ways to flush your tax dollars down the old crapper, and, dammit, they are doing a damn fine job of it.

The Federal Dumbasses at the Social Security Administration sent out stimulus checks at $250 a pop to 89,000 DEAD or INCARCERATED people! That’s $22,250,000 – twenty-two million two hundred fifty thousand dollars– to dead people and dumbasses in jail. It appears that the idiots at the SSA did not check their records to eliminate dead people and some inmates from the list of fifty-two million Americans the checks were supposed to go to.

Some of the dead people had not collected benefits in over thirty years and some would be 136 years old had they lived! Here’s what some spokesdumbass from the SSA said, “Inaccurate payments are unacceptable. Social Security’s Recovery Act payments were 99.8 percent accurate, and we quickly collected the majority of the inaccurate payments,” SSA spokesman Mark Lassiter said. Being the inquisitive fellow that I am, I wondered to myself, “what is a “majority” of the inaccurate payments?” 70%? 75%? No! When the spokesdumbass said “majority”, he meant “majority”, as in just over half! According to my math, that leaves somewhere in the neighborhood of eleven million dollars of your money that some dead guy or criminal is spending for God knows what. For some silly reason, I think the dead guys and crooks are more qualified to figure out what to do with eleven mil than our elected dumbasses. Unless the dead guys are from Chicago. Those are the ones I don’t trust.

Dumbasses.

**hat tip to dailyfinance.com**