Category: Delaware

Dumbass Burglar Caned By a Crippled Woman

Woman fends off burglar with her cane (WTXF-TV)
Slugger

Criminals are like a pride of lions at work. Ever vigilant, looking for the weakest member of the herd of potential prey. Most of the time they are damn good at it, too..

But Not always.

The weakest-appearing is not always the weakest.

Cane and Able

Here’s the story from myfoxphilly.com, “8 o’clock in the morning…come on!!!

Anita stood on her porch yelling, “8 o’clock in the morning? Come on!”

Hours after the crime, she still  can’t believe a brazen early morning  burglar popped off the screen to her front window and tried to climb into her Ford Avenue home.
But the burglar learned the hard way, Anita is the wrong woman to mess with.

“I  saw him put his foot in,  his butt in,  his arm in,  his face in,  and then this (waving her cane)  took care of him.”

The attack sent  him running through  a neighbors yard.
 

“I started whacking,” Anita showed us thrusting her cane toward the ground. “My dad told me a long time ago if the Bible don’t’ get you the cane will get you.”

Anita says one things for sure, thanks to her dad’s self defense training before he died, she’ll be ready if the crooks come back.
When asked if she thinks that learned their lesson, she responded: “Honey! if they don’t’ know it now they never will.”

Lucky to Be Alive

Another thing…it’s takes a special kind of Dumbass to break into someone’s in the broad daylight. And a front window! It seems to me that a more scientific approach to this burglary would have been much more effective. And by “scientific”, I of course mean at night through a back window. But then again, I have never had an uncontrollable urge to bust into someone else’s house and steal all their valuables, so what do I know?

I do know that an armed society is a polite society and I wish Anita would have sent this idjit to the ER with an ass full of buck shot for making the mistake of unlawfully entering her house. On the other hand, the way Anita swings a cane, a gun may have been overkill. Maybe.

A Fearless Leader can dream can’t he?

Dumbass.

***Image Courtesy of kdvr.com***

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Dumbass Uses Bulldozer to Steal His Own Truck!

Wooooohooooo! Another Dumbass on a Bulldozer story!

Just in case you missed the first Dumbass on a Bulldozer story, it was a humdinger! It’s the tale of a Dumbass driving a bulldozer while drunk!

Now that you have been regaled with that story, let’s move on to today’s Dumbass News.

The Choice of Dumbasses Everywhere

The Relationship Between Dumbasses & Bulldozers 

Why is it that Dumbasses have forged such a bond with bulldozers? Is there something about earth-moving equipment that calls to Dumbasses in a paranormal kind of way? “Come to me! You belong with me. Let’s commit felonies together!”, the bulldozer plaintively calls.

Is that it? Why the attraction?

It’s because we are dealing with the shallow end of the gene pool here, i.e., Dumbasses! What the hell did you think it was, Dumbass? I ain’t Dr. Phil here, trying to dig deep into the psyche of Dumbasses. I know Dumbasses! I am one of them! Their Fearless Leader. Without the bulldozer fetish.

But, I digress.

Picking Up His Car 

Donald Smith II of Bear, Delaware had taken his pick up truck to a auto repair shop in New Castle to have some shit done to it and had planned to pick it up when the work was completed. Problem is that Donald did not have the cash flow to pay the repairman for services rendered. Therefore, and rightly so, the mechanic held on the Don’s truck until the bill was paid.

Donald couldn’t wait that long.

So he somehow commandeered a front end loader and went straight to the repair shop to get his truck. Without permission. Late at night. On the bulldozer. 

Donald then hoisted his truck up in the air with the bucket of the front end loader! It may be just me, but the sight of a pick up truck in the bucket of a front end loader is not a normal thing. Even in Bear, Delaware.

Anyway, the shop owner saw all this going on and he called the cops, whom Donald Smith II led on a half-hour low speed chase down a highway then through a neighborhood and a cornfield. The Fuzz apprehended Donald when he drove the bulldozer, truck and all, into a retaining pond.

Donald was arrested and charged with all kinds of good stuff that should lead to at least a short stay in a Delaware Prison.

All of this unnecessary trouble when simply paying the repair bill or even working out a payment arrangement with the shop owner would have been the easiest way to take care of bidness.

But, the hypnotic call of the bulldozer was too much for Donald Smith II.

Dumbass.