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Strange things happen when the sun goes down. Like the old Charley Pride song says, “The snakes crawl at night…”
At night, criminals, mainly thieves and burglars, do their best work, taking anything from jewelry to penises...What?? Did I just type what I think I just typed? Upon further review, I did type what I thought I typed. I typed that thieves steal male sex organs.
Why in the name of Ron Jeremy would a thief want to to pilfer a penis? The reason that immediately springs to mind is that the current owner of the ding-a-ling did something very naughty with it. Kind of a screwy notion, huh? Well, maybe it’s not as rock solid weird as you might think.
Let Me Splain.
Fei Lin, No Relation to Feng Shui, or Tina Fey for that matter,is a Dumbass. Apparently Linny, not of Lenny and Squiggy fame, likes the ladies. Even if the lady belongs to another man., like maybe Won Hung Lo. This is bad joo joo in China. Or Texas. Or Tennessee.
Anyway, Fi Fei Fo Fum was evidently Por-king some Chinese lovelies that were otherwise the significant others of some other guys, Egg Fu Yung among them. Egg Fu and Won Hung got wind of these dastardly deeds and prepared to exact their revenge on Fei Tina Peking Duc. And by “exact” I mean use an exacto knife on his Shang Hai.
Their plan was meticulously thought out and when the time came….
The Time That Came
One night after performing a little Hong Kong Phookey with another man’s woman, Fuk Yu Silly went home and went to bed, falling into a deep REM sleep mode. Recognizing this as their moment to cut and run, the Bad Guys made their way into Far Out, Man’s apartment and performed a penis-ectomy with the skill of a surgeon and the swiftness of a Ferrari.
They sliced Foo King Shits’ willie off and leaving him no hope of being a “man” again, absconded with the cut-off cucumber! In other words, they stole the dude’s dick! Giving a guy the old phallus filet is one thing, but to run off with his member also, is quite another.
It’s just plain old rude!
To no one’s surprise, Long Duc Dong is baffled by what happened to his peter. “What I do long for these ferrows to knifey rifey my manhood?” Or something like that. I took a little poetic license with the translation, but you get the picture.
The Rittle City by the Liver po-po think that revenge was a factor in the de-penis-ifying of Mr. Soprano. geez, ya think?
I don’t really know where to go with this from here except to say, guys, keep your goober in your pants when it comes to another dude’s chick. American Ginsu Guerrillas may not be nearly as nice as those wack chink dink defacers.
That is unless you’d like your new name to be No More Stiffy.
***Photo from austriantimes.at***