Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone and we are steamrolling our way like Michael Moore after a triple decker bacon cheeseburger towards one of the Holiest days on the Christian calendar. I am speaking, of course, of New Years Eve! Yes, fellow Dumbasses, New Years Eve, a day when even the most devout among us partake of the Devil’s Water and perform stunts that they would condemn to hell anybody else who reveled in such a demonic way. Yes, this same self-righteous bastard who would wish you an eternity of wailing and the gnashing of teeth, will be running around on New Years Eve with a lamp shade on his head, his gazebos exposed in all their glory to reveal a temporary tattoo that reads “2012”.Let’s just hope for the dumbass’ sake that nobody tries to “pull the string” to see if “2012” lights up. I’m fairly certain that the idiot would light up like the National Christmas Tree if “the string were pulled”. I’m just sayin’.
What I am Thankful For
I am thankful you, fellow Dumbasses, each and every one of you from 120 countries around the globe. From Afghanistan to Zimbabwe and all countries and letters of the alphabet in between, I love you all. Even the Aggies. Side note for Aggies: 27-25. Have fun getting your asses handed to you in the SEC next year. It was fun for 118 years. Tradition-killing assholes. And I say that with love in my heart. Hook ’em Horns!
We now return you to your normal Dumbass Programming…I never knew that there that many dumbasses in that many countries. Now if I could get a few of you dumbasses in each of those 120 countries to support me in my effort to bring you the finest Dumbass News & Commentary to be found on the web. By support, I don’t mean moral support, I mean hit the damn “Donate” button on the top right of the sidebar. I’m not asking for $100 a month from you. $5 a month from a lot of you would “encourage” me enough to continue writing this shit despite what PETA and Moose Limbs think. Remember, I am your Standard Bearer, your Fearless Leader, the only guy you know who’s stoopid enough to write this drivel on a daily basis and I am the Head Dumbass! Besides, I need a new laptop. The one I am using now was ruined when I spilled Spam Soup all over the keyboard and into the guts of the machine. It ain’t a purty sight.
One More Quick Thing – Don’t forget soon we’ll be naming our 2nd Annual Dumbass of tthe Year before you know it, so go through the blog archives and pick out your nominee. Email nominations to realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com or leave them in the comments. There are dozens of worthy candidates for this prestigious honor, so choose carefully, grass-hoppah.
- The Cursing Doll. A Dumbass Christmas gift if there ever was one. Read about the little bimbo right here.
- Do your neighbors complain that your big ass flat panel TV and home theater system are disturbing them at all hours? Show the whiny bastards this story , then tell them to shut the fuck up and be grateful that they don’t live near that monstrosity.
- There are few people more rude and sneering, knowing they have your life in their hands, than state DMV workers. Ohio DMV employees are the cream of the crop, or as we in Dumbassville say, the green turd in the punch bowl.
Get those Dumbass of the Year nominations in soon and enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend. And hit the damn “Donate” button!