Category: Dog Shit

Dumbass Bidness Idea: Chicken Sitting!

The greatest asset this country has is its people.

Americans by nature are rugged individualists. Except for Obama voters. They are just stoopid fuckers. But, I digress.

Anyway, Americans in general will see a problem and instinctively look for a way to solve it. We see a need and seek a way to fulfill it.

In other words, we Americans are an industrious bunch. Again with the exception of O-bots, who are, generally speaking, a cabal of lazy motherfuckers. Now before you go postal on me because of my opinion about Obamatrons, I know that many of them are good, decent hard working folks. The fact remains, however, that they are good, decent, hard working stoopid fuckers. Again, I digress.

Overall though, Americans will see an opportunity and seize it.

Take dog poop for example.

Supply and Demand

A guy in Charlottesville, Virginia saw dog doo doo and turned it into gold by starting a bidness named Doody Calls. He, and forty franchisees in twenty-three states, go around picking up Bowser Bombs in dog parks and back yards all over the country. Who knew that Poodle Patties could be turned into gold?

Nekkididity also pays off. A motel owner in Florida was watching his bidness dwindle into near non-existence when he came up with a simple but brilliant way to turn things around. The miraculous solution that saved his motel? Nekkididity. He re-branded his motel as “clothing optional”. He’s now raking in the cheese.

Lubbock, Texas is a college town, home to Texas Tech University. This means that they are thousands of young, unmarried men. This, in turn, means that there are thousands of unkempt houses and apartments in Lubbock. College guys ain’t exactly known as Better Homes and Garden kind of guys. In other words, male college students are pigs when it comes to tidy homes. Seeing a bidness opportunity, a Smart Guy started a maid service. OK, what’s so brilliant about that? The brilliance lies in the fact that it is a Nekkid Maid Service! College Guys and Horny Old Bastards all around Lubbock jumped the Nekkid Maid Train like a duck on  a June bug.

The point is: there was a call for dog shit picker uppers, nekkid motels and nekkid maids and some enterprising Americans answered it.

What a country!

Another Success Story

Linda Walker of Portland, Oregon did a solid (for all the Yoopers in the Reading Audience, that means “a favor”) for a friend and turned it into a start up small bidness.

Linda’s friend was going on her honeymoon and needed someone to baby sit for her. Except the “baby sitting” wasn’t for a baby. It was for over two hundred chickens!

So what does Linda do? She starts her own Chicken Sitting bidness! Linda informs us that she has received over twenty inquiries into her Chicken Sittin’ gig.

I don’t now if Chicken Sitting is worth its weight in dog dookey or not, and it certainly ain’t as cool as nekkididity, but you gotta admit that Linda has hatched a unique idea.

Another benefit to chicken sitting is chicken shit. Lots of chicken shit.

Now that’s a bidness just waitin’ to happen.

Doody Calls.

Dumbasses.

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Turning Dog Poop into Gold!

OK, you Dumbasses, here’s the deal: My 5 year old daughter is a sick little girl. Not “sick” like Daddy “sick”, but she’s ill with the flu or some shit and I’ve got to take her to the Doctor this morning.

The Doctor is in a town about 25 miles from the Dumbass Dome, so I won’t have time enough this morning to write a new story. Therefore, I’ll leave you some Old Shit about dog shit.

And Willie Nelson.

A Dumbass Success Story

Allow me to relate a story Willie Nelson once told me as we were getting blasted while I interviewed him. I shall regale you with the Reader’s Digest Version.

Willie’s first love is music. Everything else comes in second place. Period. Now this kind of outlook can put a great deal of strain on a marriage, especially when one is married to Willie Hugh Nelson.

Anyway, Willie told me that on this particular night (now early the next morning), he was out playing poker or some shit and he came home commode huggin’ drunk. His wife was kind enough to let Willie get in bed and crash into an alcoholic coma (as it were) for a little shut eye.

Needless to say the then-Mrs. Nelson was not especially happy about Willie’s behavior at the time, so, God bless her, she did what any Texas woman with a drunk, philandering husband would do. She sewed him up in the bed sheet! Oh, wait, this gets a lot better, Dumbasses. Mrs. Willie then proceeded to find the nearest broom. Educational Note for Young People: Broom handles were made of wood back then. The same kind of wood Roy Hobbs used for his baseball bat in “The Natural”. Hard, As, A. Rock

So here’s an extremely inebriated Willie Nelson sewn up in a bed sheet about to experience something that few men in History have lived through. A pissed off wife who sewed you into said bed sheet with a cement hard broom handle about to go Babe Ruth on your drunk ass. Simply put, Mrs. Willie beat the living dog shit out of the Red Headed Stranger at this, for Willie, most inopportune time. Babe Ruth hit 714 career home runs during his playing days. Mrs. Willie Nelson hit nearly 900, so it seemed to Willie, in just a few minutes.

That’s how I feel today – like Mrs. Willie Nelson went Mickey Mantle on my skull.

Therefore, today I will re-post a story that is still getting quite a bit of attention from Dumbasses around the world. It’s a steaming turd story of getting rich from dog shit.

You’ll thank me later.

Dumbass.

Best of Dumbass News

Takin’ Shit & Gettin’ Paid

OK, I admit it. The thought of this blog going down the toilet has crossed my mind from time to time. What seems like easy work to many people can be a very demanding task to those of us who are stoopid enough to write something that is hopefully clever and informative on a regular basis.

Alas, Dumbass News has gone to shit. Dog shit to be precise.

Let me drop the deuce on you. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Speaking of Tough Jobs

As taxing as it can be to come up with a good post every day, there are some jobs that make this one look like a walk in the park. The Doggie Park. Full of doggie doo doo. Bowser bombs. Poodle poop. Shih tzu shits.

I never really thought about it, I guess because I am not a pet owner, but all the Dog Parks and back yards in the country have got to be cleaned up every once in a while. Think about it. There are 78.2 million dogs in the United States and every last one of them has to make a doo doo at least a couple of times a day. That’s a mess (ha ha) of canine crap. 30,000 tons a day or 10 million tons a year to be exact. Put another way, that’s enough dog shit to fill up 3800 miles (267,500 big rigs) of fully loaded tractor-trailers ( lined up bumper to bumper from Boston to Seattle.

My Dad, a trucker for over forty years, is rolling over in his grave at the idea of hauling terrier turds from coast to coast.

Sorry, Dad.

There’s Dough in That Thar Dog Dookey!

As I read the source article for this stinker of a post, I got to wondering, what kind of Dumbass would actually have a job removing dog shit from parks and yards all over the USA?

Very smart Dumbasses, that’s what kind. These guys make a shit load of money.

All the information that I have given you today comes from a bidness named, I am not making this up, Doody Calls.  Other than the obvious pratfalls of cleaning up after Rover takes a healthy squat, Doody Calls provides a very valuable service to not only their clients, but to the rest of us as well. If not properly disposed of, poochy plops can leave behind germs and bacteria that cause heartworms, parvovirus, salmonella and e.coli! No shit.

I couldn’t end this screed without relaying to you SOME “Fun Facts” about greyhound grunt. Shamelessly stolen from the Doody Calls web site are these little nuggets:

  • DoodyCalls scoops over 3 million poops a year!
  • Over 8,000 dogs are happy DoodyCalls customers!
  • We are the FIRST pet waste removal franchise in the WORLD! (ed.-I believe that!) 
  • How many scooped poops does it take to make it to the top of Mount Everest and back? 400,000! 

Not an Endorsement

I am not plugging the Doggie Doo Doo Guys for any other reason than they are knuckleheads who have taken a dirty job and turned it into a money-making enterprise that is good for them and the communities they serve. I will, however, urge you to read their web page  and see what all they have to say. It’s really good shit.

Doody Calls. 

Dumbasses.

There’s Gold in Dog Poop!

Best of Dumbass News

Allow me to relate a story Willie Nelson once told me as we were getting blasted while I interviewed him. I shall regale you with the Reader’s Digest Version.

Willie’s first love is music. Everything else comes in second place. Period. Now this kind of outlook can put a great deal of strain on a marriage, especially when one is married to Willie Hugh Nelson.

Anyway, Willie told me that on this particular night (now early the next morning), he was out playing poker or some shit and he came home commode huggin’ drunk. His wife was kind enough to let Willie get in bed and crash into an alcoholic coma (as it were) for a little shut eye.

Needless to say the then-Mrs. Nelson was not especially happy about Willie’s behavior at the time, so, God bless her, she did what any Texas woman with a drunk, philandering husband would do. She sewed him up in the bed sheet! Oh, wait, this gets a lot better, Dumbasses. Mrs. Willie then proceeded to find the nearest broom. Educational Note for Young People: Broom handles were made of wood back then. The same kind of wood Roy Hobbs used for his baseball bat in “The Natural”. Hard, As, A. Rock

So here’s an extremely inebriated Willie Nelson sewn up in a bed sheet about to experience something that few men in History have lived through. A pissed off wife who sewed you into said bed sheet with a cement hard broom handle about to go Babe Ruth on your drunk ass. Simply put, Mrs. Willie beat the living dog shit out of the Red Headed Stranger at this, for Willie, most inopportune time. Babe Ruth hit 714 career home runs during his playing days. Mrs. Willie Nelson hit nearly 900, so it seemed to Willie, in just a few minutes.

That’s how I feel today – like Mrs. Willie Nelson went Mickey Mantle on my skull.

Therefore, today I will re-post a story that is still getting quite a bit of attention from Dumbasses around the world. It’s a steaming turd story of getting rich from dog shit.

You’ll thank me later.

Dumbass.

Best of Dumbass News

Takin’ Shit & Gettin’ Paid

OK, I admit it. The thought of this blog going down the toilet has crossed my mind from time to time. What seems like easy work to many people can be a very demanding task to those of us who are stoopid enough to write something that is hopefully clever and informative on a regular basis.

Alas, Dumbass News has gone to shit. Dog shit to be precise.

Let me drop the deuce on you. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Speaking of Tough Jobs

As taxing as it can be to come up with a good post every day, there are some jobs that make this one look like a walk in the park. The Doggie Park. Full of doggie doo doo. Bowser bombs. Poodle poop. Shih tzu shits.

I never really thought about it, I guess because I am not a pet owner, but all the Dog Parks and back yards in the country have got to be cleaned up every once in a while. Think about it. There are 78.2 million dogs in the United States and every last one of them has to make a doo doo at least a couple of times a day. That’s a mess (ha ha) of canine crap. 30,000 tons a day or 10 million tons a year to be exact. Put another way, that’s enough dog shit to fill up 3800 miles (267,500 big rigs) of fully loaded tractor-trailers ( lined up bumper to bumper from Boston to Seattle.

My Dad, a trucker for over forty years, is rolling over in his grave at the idea of hauling terrier turds from coast to coast.

Sorry, Dad.

There’s Dough in That Thar Dog Dookey!

As I read the source article for this stinker of a post, I got to wondering, what kind of Dumbass would actually have a job removing dog shit from parks and yards all over the USA?

Very smart Dumbasses, that’s what kind. These guys make a shit load of money.

All the information that I have given you today comes from a bidness named, I am not making this up, Doody Calls.  Other than the obvious pratfalls of cleaning up after Rover takes a healthy squat, Doody Calls provides a very valuable service to not only their clients, but to the rest of us as well. If not properly disposed of, poochy plops can leave behind germs and bacteria that cause heartworms, parvovirus, salmonella and e.coli! No shit.

I couldn’t end this screed without relaying to you SOME “Fun Facts” about greyhound grunt. Shamelessly stolen from the Doody Calls web site are these little nuggets:

  • DoodyCalls scoops over 3 million poops a year!
  • Over 8,000 dogs are happy DoodyCalls customers!
  • We are the FIRST pet waste removal franchise in the WORLD! (ed.-I believe that!) 
  • How many scooped poops does it take to make it to the top of Mount Everest and back? 400,000! 

Not an Endorsement

I am not plugging the Doggie Doo Doo Guys for any other reason than they are knuckleheads who have taken a dirty job and turned it into a money-making enterprise that is good for them and the communities they serve. I will, however, urge you to read their web page  and see what all they have to say. It’s really good shit.

Doody Calls. 

Dumbasses.

Mining Gold from Dog Poop! Now w/ Bonus Willie Nelson Story!

Today is one of those days, Folks. 

I am feeling pretty rough.

Allow me to relate a story Willie Nelson once told me as we were getting blasted while I interviewed him. I shall regale you with the Reader’s Digest Version.

Willie’s first love is music. Everything else comes in second place. Period. Now this kind of outlook can put a great deal of strain on a marriage, especially when one is married to Willie Hugh Nelson.

Anyway, Willie told me that on this particular night (now early the next morning), he was out playing poker or some shit and he came home commode huggin’ drunk. His wife was kind enough to let Willie get in bed and crash into an alcoholic coma (as it were) for a little shut eye.

Needless to say the then-Mrs. Nelson was not especially happy about Willie’s behavior at the time, so, God bless her, she did what any Texas woman with a drunk, philandering husband would do. She sewed him up in the bed sheet! Oh, wait, this gets a lot better, Dumbasses. Mrs. Willie then proceeded to find the nearest broom. Educational Note for Young People: Broom handles were made of wood back then. The same kind of wood Roy Hobbs used for his baseball bat in “The Natural”. Hard, As, A. Rock

Batting Practice

So here’s an extremely inebriated Willie Nelson sewn up in a bed sheet about to experience something that few men in History have lived through. A pissed off wife who sewed you into said bed sheet with a cement hard broom handle about to go Babe Ruth on your drunk ass. Simply put, Mrs. Willie beat the living dog shit out of the Red Headed Stranger at this, for Willie, most inopportune time. Babe Ruth hit 714 career home runs during his playing days. Mrs. Willie Nelson hit nearly 900, so it seemed to Willie, in just a few minutes.

That’s how I feel today – like Mrs. Willie Nelson went Mickey Mantle on my skull.

Therefore, today I will re-post a story that is still getting quite a bit of attention from Dumbasses around the world. It’s a steaming turd story of getting rich from dog shit.

You’ll thank me later.

Dumbass.

Best of Dumbass News

Takin’ Shit & Gettin’ Paid

OK, I admit it. The thought of this blog going down the toilet has crossed my mind from time to time. What seems like easy work to many people can be a very demanding task to those of us who are stoopid enough to write something that is hopefully clever and informative on a regular basis.

Alas, Dumbass News has gone to shit. Dog shit to be precise.

Let me drop the deuce on you. Metaphorically speaking of course.


Speaking of Tough Jobs

As taxing as it can be to come up with a good post every day, there are some jobs that make this one look like a walk in the park. The Doggie Park. Full of doggie doo doo. Bowser bombs. Poodle poop. Shih tzu shits.

I never really thought about it, I guess because I am not a pet owner, but all the Dog Parks and back yards in the country have got to be cleaned up every once in a while. Think about it. There are 78.2 million dogs in the United States and every last one of them has to make a doo doo at least a couple of times a day. That’s a mess (ha ha) of canine crap. 30,000 tons a day or 10 million tons a year to be exact. Put another way, that’s enough dog shit to fill up 3800 miles (267,500 big rigs) of fully loaded tractor-trailers ( lined up bumper to bumper from Boston to Seattle.

My Dad, a trucker for over forty years, is rolling over in his grave at the idea of hauling terrier turds from coast to coast.

Sorry, Dad.

There’s Dough in That Thar Dog Dookey!

As I read the source article for this stinker of a post, I got to wondering, what kind of Dumbass would actually have a job removing dog shit from parks and yards all over the USA?

Very smart Dumbasses, that’s what kind. These guys make a shit load of money.

All the information that I have given you today comes from a bidness named, I am not making this up, Doody Calls.  Other than the obvious pratfalls of cleaning up after Rover takes a healthy squat, Doody Calls provides a very valuable service to not only their clients, but to the rest of us as well. If not properly disposed of, poochy plops can leave behind germs and bacteria that cause heartworms, parvovirus, salmonella and e.coli! No shit.

I couldn’t end this screed without relaying to you SOME “Fun Facts” about greyhound grunt. Shamelessly stolen from the Doody Calls web site are these little nuggets:

  • DoodyCalls scoops over 3 million poops a year!
  • Over 8,000 dogs are happy DoodyCalls customers!
  • We are the FIRST pet waste removal franchise in the WORLD! (ed.-I believe that!) 
  • How many scooped poops does it take to make it to the top of Mount Everest and back? 400,000! 

Not an Endorsement

I am not plugging the Doggie Doo Doo Guys for any other reason than they are knuckleheads who have taken a dirty job and turned it into a money-making enterprise that is good for them and the communities they serve. I will, however, urge you to read their web page  and see what all they have to say. It’s really good shit.

Doody Calls. 

Dumbasses.

UPDATE:

From the Most Loyal Dumbass, Beef Blogonoff, I present to you poop tarts!

Dumbasses Mine Gold Nuggets from Dog Poop! Now w/ a Willie Nelson Story Update!

Takin’ Shit & Gettin’ Paid

Today is one of those days, Folks. 

I am feeling pretty rough. Allow me to relate a story Willie Nelson once told me as we were getting blasted while I interviewed him. I shall regale you with the Reader’s Digest Version.

Willie’s first love is music. Everything else comes in second place. Period. Now this kind of outlook can put a great deal of strain on a marriage, especially when one is married to Willie Peter Nelson.

Anyway, Willie told me that on this particular night (now early the next morning), he was out playing poker or some shit and he came home commode huggin’ drunk. His wife was kind enough to let Willie get in bed and crash into an alcoholic coma (as it were) for a little shut eye.

Needless to say the then-Mrs. Nelson was not especially happy about Willie’s behavior at the time, so, God bless her, she did what any Texas woman with a drunk, philandering husbandwould do. She sewed him up in the bed sheet! Oh, wait, this gets a lot better, Dumbasses. Mrs. Willie then proceeded to find the nearest broom. Educational Note for Young People: Broom handles were made of wood back then. The same kind of wood Roy Hobbs used for his baseball bat in “The Natural”. Hard, As, A. Rock

Batting Practice

So here’s an extremely inebriated Willie Nelson sewn up in a bed sheet about to experience something that few men in History have lived through. A pissed off wife who sewed you into said bed sheet with a cement hard broom handle about to go Babe Ruth on your drunk ass. Simply put, Mrs. Willie beat the living dog shit out of the Red Headed Stranger at this, for Willie, most inopportune time. Babe Ruth hit 714 career home runs during his playing days. Mrs. Willie Nelson hit nearly 900, so it seemed to Willie, in just a few minutes.

That’s how I feel today – like Mrs. Willie Nelson went Mickey Mantle on my skull.

Therefore, today I will re-post a story that is still getting quite a bit of attention from Dumbasses around the world. It’s story of getting rich from dog shit.

You’ll thank me later.

Dumbass.

Best of Dumbass News

OK, I admit it. The thought of this blog going down the toilet has crossed my mind from time to time. What seems like easy work to many people can be a very demanding task to those of us who are stoopid enough to write something that is hopefully clever and informative on a regular basis.

Alas, Dumbass News has gone to shit. Dog shit to be precise.

Let me drop the deuce on you. Metaphorically speaking of course.


Speaking of Tough Jobs

As taxing as it can be to come up with a good post every day, there are some jobs that make this one look like a walk in the park. The Doggie Park. Full of doggie doo doo. Bowser bombs. Poodle poop. Shih tzu shits.

I never really thought about it, I guess because I am not a pet owner, but all the Dog Parks and back yards in the country have got to be cleaned up every once in a while. Think about it. There are 78.2 million dogs in the United States and every last one of them has to make a doo doo at least a couple of times a day. That’s a mess (ha ha) of canine crap. 30,000 tons a day or 10 million tons a year to be exact. Put another way, that’s enough dog shit to fill up 3800 miles (267,500 big rigs) of fully loaded tractor-trailers ( lined up bumper to bumper from Boston to Seattle.

My Dad, a trucker for over forty years, is rolling over in his grave at the idea of hauling terrier turds from coast to coast.

Sorry, Dad.

There’s Dough in That Thar Dog Dookey!

As I read the source article for this stinker of a post, I got to wondering, what kind of Dumbass would actually have a job removing dog shit from parks and yards all over the USA?

Very smart Dumbasses, that’s what kind. These guys make a shit load of money.

All the information that I have given you today comes from a bidness named, I am not making this up, Doody Calls.  Other than the obvious pratfalls of cleaning up after Rover takes a healthy squat, Doody Calls provides a very valuable service to not only their clients, but to the rest of us as well. If not properly disposed of, poochy plops can leave behind germs and bacteria that cause heartworms, parvovirus, salmonella and e.coli! No shit.

I couldn’t end this screed without relaying to you SOME “Fun Facts” about greyhound grunt. Shamelessly stolen from the Doody Calls web site are these little nuggets:

  • DoodyCalls scoops over 3 million poops a year!
  • Over 8,000 dogs are happy DoodyCalls customers!
  • We are the FIRST pet waste removal franchise in the WORLD! (ed.-I believe that!) 
  • How many scooped poops does it take to make it to the top of Mount Everest and back? 400,000! 

Not an Endorsement

I am not plugging the Doggie Doo Doo Guys for any other reason than they are knuckleheads who have taken a dirty job and turned it into a money-making enterprise that is good for them and the communities they serve. I will, however, urge you to read their web page  and see what all they have to say. It’s really good shit.

Doody Calls. 

Dumbasses.

UPDATE:

From the Most Loyal Dumbass, Beef Blogonoff, I present to you poop tarts!