Category: Dope

911 Suicide Call Leads to 124 Pot Plants in Residence!

Latin Lettuce

I don’t mind sharing some aspects of my personal life with the Dumbass Horde. You’ve probably noticed that through some of the stuff I post on this very blog. I am gonna share something with you now, as a matter of fact.

I am mentally ill. Now you may be saying to yourself right now, “But, Fearless Leader, we already know that. A person would have to be clinically stoopid to write some of the shit you write.” And you would have a valid point.

But I am very serious here. I have been diagnosed with BiPolar Disorder, ADHD, PTSD, ABC123, STP and a shit load of other alphabetical mental illness stuff that I can’t even remember. However, that doesn’t mean that I am crazy. Goofy? Yes. Weird? Without a doubt. But a lunatic? Not yet.You’d never know that I am on the verge of insanity if you knew me. Unless you lived with me. Just ask my wife.

For many people with the same problems I have, suicide is a constant companion waiting in the wings for the OK to make an appearance. Luckily, I don’t have suicidal thoughts or tendencies that haunt me on a daily basis. Others in my situation do.

For instance, there’s this guy in Key Largo, Florida….


The Dumbass In Key Largo  

The Monroe County Sheriff’s Department got a call from a local resident about a possible suicide at a certain location. This is something that the law enforcement community takes very seriously. If somebody is disturbed enough to want to kill themselves, they may also be disturbed enough to kill others as well.

So the cops go to investigate.

Upon arrival at the scene of a potentially deadly situation, the police didn’t find a suicidal Dumbass, but a guy who probably wishes he was dead.

Splaination to follow.

Always Ask “Who’s There?”  

The Fuzz approaches the house, knocks on the door and someone from inside yells, “Come in!”.

The cop goes inside the place. There’s no one at the residence threatening Hari Kari, just some poor schlub cutting up a pot plant. One of 124 pot plants at the house! Surprise, Dumbass! It is my understanding that Key Largo is a pretty laid back place and the consumption of the Herb Superb is not that big a deal. I think, though, that having over a hundred pot plants growing inside your home is a big deal. Like do a long stretch at the Florida Institution for the Criminally Dumbass Big Deal. This is also not the Dumbass’ first run-in with the Law. He has previous convictions including check fraud, assault and battery and some drug charges (no kiddin’!) too.

The fact that the Dumbass, Joseph Ebeling of Key Largo, will be unavailable for a stretch of 5 to 10 compels me to make the following Public Service Announcement:

If you buy your pot from Joseph Ebeling of Key Largo, Florida, he will not be out of the loop for a few years, therefore you need to find another Dope Guy for all your marijuana needs. This concludes this PSA from the Dumbass News Network.

Jose, your all expense paid vacation awaits you. I wouldn’t, however, count on conducting a continuing criminal enterprise (at least selling weed) in or around Key Largo when and if you get cut loose from the Big House. Somebody has already taken your place.

Dumbass.

Advertisements