Category: Drunk Driving

Caught on Cop Car Cam: DUI Guy Belting Out Queen Song!

NOTE: Changes abound at the Dumbass Dome. 

I meant to put this info out there yesterday, but I forgot. Sorry about that. Mrs. Fearless Leader’s second surgery has been re-scheduled for next Wednesday (11/7). She’s still not 100% from the last one, so the extra time will allow her to heal up for another week. This is good.

I want to again express my gratitude for your continued support and understanding. I hope that you are enjoying the recent spate of Best of Dumbass News posts. I promise to have something new for you in a day or two, depending on how Mrs. Fearless Leader is feeling and the level of care that she needs.

Thanks and adios,
Fearless Leader

Best of Dumbass News

I don’t post a lot of video stuff on Dumbass News and I am remiss in my duties as Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde for not doing so. In the future, I shall try to expose more Dumbassery through the use of video. I promise. Lord knows I would have plenty of material simply by virtue of a) the sheer volume of video dumbassery available on the 3 Dub. (that means “www.”) b) the infinite number of Dumbasses willing to be video’ed doing random acts of Dumbassery and c) Mrs. Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde is a video freak. She finds some of the most amazing bullshit in the ether. As a matter of fact, she clued me in to what you are about to witness. Her YouTube Fu is strong.

Before I continue, I am obligated to issue a:

Dumbass Spew Alert! A Dumbass Spew Alert has been issued by the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde. A Dumbass Spew Alert will be in effect for the next several minutes for all readers of this blog post. A Dumbass Spew Alert means that conditions are favorable for spewing any liquid you may be consuming while watching the following video Dumbassery all over your computer, computer monitor and/or other electronics within the immediate Spewing Area. You have been alerted!

Driving Under the Influence

The Dumbass in the following video insert was busted for drunk driving. Luckily, no one was hurt while the fucking dipshit was hammered and behind the wheel of an automobile.

Over eight million YouTube viewers can’t be wrong.

How in the hell do I follow that?

I don’t.

Dumbass.

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Drinking Beer at the DUI Checkpoint!

Best of Dumbass News

As a former Professional Drinker, I could regale you with hours of stories of the stoopid shit I did while in a state of inebriation. Most of it was of the funny as hell variety, but some it was just plain damn dumb. While I am on the subject of being a Professional Drinker, I get asked a lot why I quit consuming adult beverages. The short answer: 1) it was simply time to quit. “nuff said. 2) No, I do not nor have I ever been to an an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I was a drunk, not an alcoholic. And finally, 3) how did I do it? Easy. I just stopped. Cold turkey. No big deal. Except to my family. See reason number 1 above.

Anyway, I did some dumbass stuff, yes, but I can say unequivocally that never once, nary a single time did I ever pull up to a sobriety check point while drinking a beer. I promise.

I can not say the same for David Caruso.

Not THAT David Caruso

There seems to be some confusion about the David Caruso in this story. He is NOT the TV Cop Guy from that CSI: Miami show. Don’t believe me? I offer you proof.

Not a TV Star Cop

Believe me now? OK…moving forward…..This incident took place in Connect-I-Cut, quite a jaunt from Miami, for the record.

Anyway…Connect-I-Cut cops had a sobriety check point set up recently while looking for drunk drivers. Senor Caruso was one of the lucky citizens who found his way into line on that night.

After, the obligatory 8 hour, 17 minute wait to get through the checkpoint line and assure The Fuzz of some good OT pay, Caruso is finally at the front when the cops notice that he (Caruso) is drinking a beer! While this in and of itself is pretty fucking stoopid, you will not believe what I am about to tell you. This is not David Caruso the Not a TV Star Guy’s first run in with The Law involving booze! I knew that would catch you by surprise, but see if you can buck up and carry on from here, OK?

Previously on Dumbass at the Sobriety Check Point

David Caruso the Not a TV Star Guy had a previous conviction for, you guessed it, drunk driving! Here comes the shocker…he was driving on a suspended license! A suspended license from….(?)…. his previous drunk driving conviction! This happens and awful lot, especially with the illegal Meskins who come over here to drink our beer and steal our wimmin. I know that for a fact. I read it on the internet. You can look look it up.

Bottom line is David Caruso the Not a TV Star Guy is in for a stint at one of Connect-I-Cut’s luxury state penitentiaries where he’ll receive some lovely parting gifts for playing the game and he’ll also get some unwanted attention from various and sundry harden criminals who haven’t had in ass in 5 – 13 years.

Two things come out of this story. 1) another Drunk Driving Dumbass is off the road for a while and 2) David Caruso the I’m Not a TV Star Guy has lost his lifetime membership to DAMM – Drunks Against Mad Mothers.

Dumbass.

****Thanks to the HuffPuffPassPassDon’tBogartPost****

Canadian Dumbass Gets Drunk Then Arrested, Misses Own Wedding Cuz He’s in the Slammer

Best of Dumbass News

I get a big kick out of our Canadians friends when one of them pulls a stunt that’s dumbass-worthy. In Canada, that’s quite a feat because those hosers know how to do two things extremely well – drink and smoke pot. I don’t say that in a negative way, a few years ago I would’ve fit right in with them. Besides, I don’t have a passport and I’d need one to get across the border. Once I get a passport, I’d feel compelled do some serious “research” into the drunk and stoned Canadian Community. It’s a tough job, but etc, etc, etc. I wonder if I could write it off as a business expense? I’d be drunk/baked blogging about my “research”. “Research” like this could take two, three, maybe 5 years of unending drinking and smoking pot to come to an indisputable conclusion regarding the drunk and stoned Canadian Community. But, that’s a risk Id be willing to take as long as it benefited the “scientific” community.

Now, let’s get down to brass tacks. Until recently, Jonathan Atkinson was just an ordinary drunk and stoned dumbass Canadian. But, my main man Jon ratcheted up the dumbass to new, never-before-seen levels, even for a Canadian dumbass. On December 30, Jon got plastered and did the right thing and called a taxi to take him home.

Canadian Pacifier

Then, he fell asleep in the cab.

The cops were called, Jonathon  was arrested and the streets of Point Edward, Ontario were safe from one more drunk/stoned Canadian. This offense is an everyday Canadian dumbass occurrence so it’s not really worth getting worked up over. You’ll be happy to know that Jon was not about to let his fellow drunk/stoned Canadian mates down. Not only was Jon Boy put in the slammer 60 days, he missed his own wedding due to his incarceration!

 Jonny, dumbasses everywhere salute you for sticking to your drunk/stoned Canadian principles and missing out of what could have been the worst mistake of your life! No, dumbass, not for getting a 60 day jail term, but for getting a 60 day jail term and missing your own wedding!  Fuckin’ A genius! I never missed one of my weddings by getting drunk/stoned and arrested. I had to get hammered to just show up at the wedding! Now that I think about it, I don’t know who’s the bigger dumbass, me or Jon. Him for missing his wedding or me for showing up to mine. Now, I’m depressed. I don’t drink, but I need a beer.

Dumbass.

Dumbass Driving & Drinking a Beer While at Sobriety Check Point!

As a former Professional Drinker, I could regale you with hours of stories of the stoopid shit I did while in a state of inebriation. Most of it was of the funny as hell variety, but some it was just plain damn dumb. While I am on the subject of being a Professional Drinker, I get asked a lot why I quit consuming adult beverages. The short answer: 1) it was simply time to quit. “nuff said. 2) No, I do not nor have I ever been to an an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I was a drunk, not an alcoholic. And finally, 3) how did I do it? Easy. I just stopped. Cold turkey. No big deal. Except to my family. See reason number 1 above.

Anyway, I did some dumbass stuff, yes, but I can say unequivocally that never once, nary a single time did I ever pull up to a sobriety check point while drinking a beer. I promise.

I can not say the same for David Caruso.


Not THAT David Caruso  

There seems to be some confusion about the David Caruso in this story. He is NOT the TV Cop Guy from that CSI: Miami show. Don’t believe me? I offer you proof.

Not a TV Star Cop

Believe me now? OK…moving forward…..This incident took place in Connect-I-Cut, quite a jaunt from Miami, for the record.

Anyway…Connect-I-Cut cops had a sobriety check point set up recently while looking for drunk drivers. Senor Caruso was one of the lucky citizens who found his way into line on that night.

After, the obligatory 8 hour, 17 minute wait to get through the checkpoint line and assure The Fuzz of some good OT pay, Caruso is finally at the front when the cops notice that he (Caruso) is drinking a beer! While this in and of itself is pretty fucking stoopid, you will not believe what I am about to tell you. This is not David Caruso the Not a TV Star Guy’s first run in with The Law involving booze! I knew that would catch you by surprise, but see if you can buck up and carry on from here, OK?

Previously on Dumbass at the Sobriety Check Point

David Caruso the Not a TV Star Guy had a previous conviction for, you guessed it, drunk driving! Here comes the shocker…he was driving on a suspended license! A suspended license from….(?)…. his previous drunk driving conviction! This happens and awful lot, especially with the illegal Meskins who come over here to drink our beer and steal our wimmin. I know that for a fact. I read it on the internet. You can look look it up.

Bottom line is David Caruso the Not a TV Star Guy is in for a stint at one of Connect-I-Cut’s luxury state penitentiaries where he’ll receive some lovely parting gifts for playing the game and he’ll also get some unwanted attention from various and sundry harden criminals who haven’t had in ass in 5 – 13 years.

Two things come out of this story. 1) another Drunk Driving Dumbass is off the road for a while and 2) David Caruso the I’m Not a TV Star Guy has lost his lifetime membership to DAMM – Drunks Against Mad Mothers.

Dumbass.

****Thanks to the HuffPuffPassPassDon’tBogartPost****

Video Dumbassery! Guy Arrested for DUI – Belts Out "Queen" Song!

I don’t post a lot of video stuff on Dumbass News and I am remiss in my duties as Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde for not doing so. In the future, I shall try to expose more Dumbassery through the use of video. I promise. Lord knows I would have plenty of material simply by virtue of a) the sheer volume of video dumbassery available on the 3 Dub. (that means “www.”) b) the infinite number of Dumbasses willing to be video’ed doing random acts of Dumbassery and c) Mrs. Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde is a video freak. She finds some of the most amazing bullshit in the ether. As a matter of fact, she clued me in to what you are about to witness. Her YouTube Fu is strong.

Before I continue, I am obligated to issue a:

Dumbass Spew Alert! A Dumbass Spew Alert has been issued by the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde. A Dumbass Spew Alert will be in effect for the next several minutes for all readers of this blog post. A Dumbass Spew Alert means that conditions are favorable for spewing any liquid you may be consuming while watching the following video Dumbassery all over your computer, computer monitor and/or other electronics within the immediate Spewing Area. You have been alerted!

Driving Under the Influence

The Dumbass in the following video insert was busted for drunk driving. Luckily, no one was hurt while the fucking dipshit was hammered and behind the wheel of an automobile.

Over eight million YouTube viewers can’t be wrong.

How in the hell do I follow that?

I don’t.

Dumbass.

MADD Drunk Driving, No Response From DAMM

Dumbass Drunk Driver

Our Dumbass of the Day today deserves all the scorn and ridicule that can be heaped upon her. She is a hypocrite and the type of person who can judge you and how you live, then criticize the hell out of you without a moment’s hesitation. Now it’s her turn to be on the receiving end of what she usually dishes out. Let me splain.

Her name is Debra Oberlin. Deb the Dumbass is the former president of the Gainesville, Florida Chapter of MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving). Deb was recently arrested. Guess what she was busted for. Wait. For. It. Drunk driving!!! Yep, Deb was plastered when she was behind the wheel of an automobile driving like, well, a drunk. On the old Dumbass Drunk Driving Breathalyzer Thing, Deb blew a .234 and a .239. The threshold for drunk driving in Florida is .08. At .234 and .239, Deb was in FUBAR* territory.  Deb the former MADD chapter president is now Deb the Dumbass Drunk Driver. The president of the Gainesville, Florida DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers) was unavailable for comment.

Look, I know we all do stoopid shit that we wish we could re-do the right way, myself included. hell, I could write a book called “Stoopid Shit I’ve Done”. It would have to a series of books though, because I have done plenty of stoopid shit. But, with all the stoopid shit I’ve done, not one time was it because I am a hypocritical know-it-all, like Deb is. As a Proessional Dumbass Who Has Done Way Too Much Stoopid Shit, my advice to Deb is to think twice before judging somebody because now they have the ammo to fire right back at your sorry ass. One more thing before I go, Deb, Fuck you. You were lucky that you didn’t kill an innocent person because you chose to get hammered and drive a car while inebriated. Count your blessings and lay off the hooch while driving. Dumbass.