Category: Dumbass Newspaper Headlines

Meet the Cousin of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines: Dumbass Newspaper Layouts!

Dumbass Newspaper Headlines have long been a staple of this blog. And by”staple” I naturally mean “I have no idea what to write about, so copy and paste somebody else’s stuff”. For today I will not only semi-plagiarize make fair use of material found on BuzzFeed, but will use material they lifted from several other sources! Or as I like to call it, “Material Mimicking Monday”!

Today’s Dumbass Topic? Dumbass Newspaper Layouts! This fun-filled Dumbassery features newspaper headlines not-so-strategically placed in close proximity to another feature in the newspaper that when viewed collectively create much hilarity.

For example:

When reading the headline and looking at the photo simultaneously, we could get the impression that Prince William beats Kate Middleton. We know that it is highly unlikely that His Majesty stomps a mudhole in his lovely bride. Unless they are playing a nice game of “Naughty Catholic School Girl”. This, too is not likely to happen because the Prince is a Protestant and everyone knows that Protestants do not have fun in the boudoir. Hell, Babtists, and Church of Englanders, won’t even make love standing up for fear that somebody will accuse them of dancing. I’m just sayin’.

Now that you’ve got the picture…..

Let the stealing begin!

Look Out, Bonnie and Clyde!

Bon Voyage!

Quick! Everybody to the other side of the ship!

What a phrenzy of photographic phun and phrivolity!

Be sure to click on over to BuzzFeed, they’ve got at least twenty more screenshots of this bullshit. It’s pretty funny stuff.

OK….here’s one for the road….

Dumbasses.

***Photos from imgur.com , happyplace.com , myconfinedspace.com ***

Dumbass Newspaper Classified Ads!

A couple of years ago, I started a feature  on Dumbass News called Dumbass Newspaper Headlines. DNH was so popular that I decided to make them a regular part of the blog.

Last night I was considering writing a new post of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines, when all of the sudden I thought about a little blurb I saw in a small town Texas newspaper about twenty years ago. This long ago and faraway memory got me to thinking that newspapers have some pretty damn funny stuff in them besides the stoopid headlines. Of course, there’s the occasional typo that completely alters the intended meaning of a sentence, but there is also another very important part of a newspaper that can provide an unintentional belly laugh – the classified ads!

With this in mind, I used my Fearless Leader Google Fu and came upon some damn funny classifieds floating around the ether. AmIageniusorwhat?

So, Fellow Dumbasses, without further ado, I present to you the Very First Edition of Dumbass Newspaper Classified Ads!

Keep in mind that these are actual ads run in actual newspapers all across the country.

The Ads
    
Dammit! I was looking for a used tombstone that said”Smith”.
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Winter time can be awful lonely in Boise.
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I want some of what this guy’s smokin’.
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Well that narrows down the search!
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Throw in a young stripper and it’s a deal.
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Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.
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Just in case you are ever chased by a dog in a foreign country. Or a foreign dog for that matter.
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That’s the Christmas Spirit!
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This must be an ad for Bud’s Medical Center.
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And last but not least…

Wanna go shopping, Ladies?

Dumbasses.

***Special Thanks to 11Points.com & jayp.net for the Ads!***