The Unofficial End of Summer has come and gone for yet another year. The sun has set on Labor Day for 2012, school is in full swing around the country and vacation season is over, but it is not forgotten. I am sure that on your latest Once-in-a-Liftime Family Vacation , you have fond memories that’ll last you until next Thursday and some photos that will haunt you for eternity.
And when I say “eternity”, I mean “eternity”. Some day when you reach the Pearly Gates, St. Peter will look in the Book of Life for your name and there will be an asterisk (*) next to it. St. Peter will then, in a most un Saint Peter-like fashion fall to the Heavenly ground laughing his ass off while yellowing at a Highly Placed Angel, “Hey, Murray! The Finkelsteins are here! Get a load of these vacation photos!” Soon the laughter from above will resonate all around the Earth as Divine Thunder in its own uproarious kind of way.
I told you that I meant “eternity”.
You Ain’t Alone
Fret not, Dear Dumbass, you ain’t the only one who has vacation photos that would make Saturday Night Live look like a day at the morgue.
Check out these lovely family vacation photos from Dumbasses all around the country and sit back and try to guess which family is the next “Finkelsteins” to reach the Great Beyond. It’s a game the whole tribe will enjoy!
The Yoopermans from Ypslanti, Meechigan….
|“Look, Dad! Leapfrog!”|
Next…the Yerdelmanns from Toad Suck, Arkansas.
|Why are four people taking pictures at once? I’m so confused!|
Jim Bob and Lily Beth on the Banks of the Colorado River…
|Hook ’em Horns and Just Plain Hooker|
Lance and Gwendolyn Finsterwald enjoyed a Medieval Vacaction…
|“I am going to “impale” you, wench!”|
The Garcias are the “Happiest Family on Earth!”
|The Happiest Place on Earth? bwahahahaha|
Molly and Heidi sum up their family’s vacation with a single photo…
|In. The. Crapper.|
If you have some
haunting memorable family vacation photos you’d like to share with The Dumbass Horde, send to me at realdumbassnews AT gmail Dot com and I’ll be more than happy to post them right here on Dumbass News for people in at least 143 countries to marvel at. And by “marvel at”, I mean laugh until they puke, of course.
Listen up, Dumbasses! Today’s post will be of the visual variety. For you Yoopers in the audience, that means there will be pretty pictures so the neighbor doesn’t have to read thos old pesky words for you.
Fun will be had by all!
First off, let’s give credit to the Dumbasses at iVillage.com for posting these photos so I could without shame, guilt or threat of law suit steal them to use for an easy article. Thanks, guys!
WARNING! Let this serve as a WARNING to you that if you are eating breakfast now, wait at least a half hour before continuing to read the rest of this post. Continuing on while eating may cause severe projectile puking and/or indigestion/loss of appetite. Consider your Dumbass Self warned.
Phucked Up Photos
When I say phucked up, I mean phucked up. Some of the following photos are so phunny that you may cause a disturbance at work due to uncontrollable howling laughter that would wake the dead, so be advised.
Let us begin…..
John Candy illegitimate daughter with an alien life form from the planet Woof! in the movie Space Balls. Da Schwartz was with Candy on this one.
This guy was once a cast member on the old TV series Mod Squad playing the role of Linc’s long lost white guy brother. Needless to say, things didn’t work out on the show (critics panned him as a “poor excuse for a black guy”), but the guy did go on to become the World’s First Human Pipe Cleaner and then on to stardom in the porn industry.
This back to school photo went awry when Dad (background) went into an alcoholic coma at an extremely unfortunate time. The little girl made it to school on time. By the way, the girl is now a Junior in High School and Dad is still laying in the same spot
Speaking as a Short Guy (I’m 5’4″), this kid has the best date at the prom, especially when a slow song plays and the belly rubbin’ begins. Keywords: “Eyes at Boob Level”. Yay for slow songs.
This is the Class Pansy preparing for the unlikely event of a girl attack. the boy can recite the Periodic Table of Elements frontwards and backwards, probably in several languages, but the site of a female sends him into a frenzy unseen since the Egyptians were in the middle of the Red Sea while chasing Moses and the Hebes. the kid was voted Most Likely to be a Homo with 98.3 % of the vote.
This sissy got the other 1.7% of the Most Likely to Be a Homo Vote. He’s now a male stripper in Boston. ‘Nuff said.
Lord help us all.