Category: Dunkin Donuts

Dunkin’ More Than Donuts

I ain’t feelin’ so hot today. I think I am coming down with The Crud. That said, here ya go with the Best of Dumbass News.

Howdy, y’all! It’s 11 degrees in Augusta, Maine on this fine Sunday morning. It looks like Old Man Winter has finally arrived in New England. I am not happy about this. Let me splain to our newer readers. I am from Texas. It is warm in Texas for 50 weeks of the year. I like it warm. Where I live is next to Canada. Canada is cold 50 weeks a year. Plus Canadians talk funny and call one of their coins a “loony”. I ain’t kiddin’. Therefore, the choice is simple. I choose Cancun. Remember this story as you stop off at Dunkin Donuts on the way too Church this morning. But as the Good Book says, Jesus came to save the sinner, not the righteous. There’s some good sinnin’ going on in this story. Amen. 

There’s a Dunkin Donuts on Route 46 in Parsippany, New Jersey that has added an item to their menu. Dunkin calls the new item is called “The Extra Sugar”. Local cops call it prostitution. I would have called it the “donut hole”, but I am a sick, twisted freak.  Let me splain.

Melissa Redmond works the overnight shift at one of the local Dunkin Donuts in Parsippany and it seems that she was serving more than donuts and coffee to some of her customers. After receiving a tip from an informant, cops set up surveillance and observed Melissa leaving her post in the store to go to the cars of select customers, stay for 10 or 15 minutes and then return to work. It didn’t take long for the cops to catch on so Melissa the Donut Ho was arrested for selling “Extra Sugar”. Dumbass.

One of the first things that popped into my mind when I read this story was why in the name of all that is Holy would someone some sell their “coolatta” from a donut shop? Think about it. Donuts. Cops. Those two go together like Justin Bieber music and syrup of ipecac. But, I digress.

The moral to the story is twofold. First, being a hooker is bad. Second, being a hooker where a cops shows up every five minutes is just plain stoopid. If a woman wants to sell her “creme filled” pastry, sell it where the cops DO NOT show up! Like at a Likker Store. 🙂

Dumbass.

Advertisements

Donut Ho; Dunkin More Than Donuts

Donut Ho

Howdy, y’all! It’s 11 degrees in Augusta, Maine on this fine Sunday morning. It looks like Old Man Winter has finally arrived in New England. I am not happy about this. Let me splain to our newer readers. I am from Texas. It is warm in Texas for 50 weeks of the year. I like it warm. Where I live is next to Canada. Canada is cold 50 weeks a year. Plus Canadians talk funny and call one of their coins a “loony”. I ain’t kiddin’. Therefore, the choice is simple. I choose Cancun. Here’s your “Best of Dumbass News” for this week. Remember this story as you stop off at Dunkin Donuts on the way too Church this morning. But as the Good Book says, Jesus came to svae the sinner, not the righteous. Therer’s some good sinnin’ going on in this story. Amen. 

There’s a Dunkin Donuts on Route 46 in Parsippany, New Jersey that has added an item to their menu. Dunkin calls the new item is called “The Extra Sugar”. Local cops call it prostitution. I would have called it the “donut hole”, but I am a sick, twisted freak.  Let me splain.

Melissa Redmond works the overnight shift at one of the local Dunkin Donuts in Parsippany and it seems that she was serving more than donuts and coffee to some of her customers. After receiving a tip from an informant, cops set up surveillance and observed Melissa leaving her post in the store to go to the cars of select customers, stay for 10 or 15 minutes and then return to work. It didn’t take long for the cops to catch on so Melissa the Donut Ho was arrested for selling “Extra Sugar”. Dumbass.

One of the first things that popped into my mind when I read this story was why in the name of all that is Holy would someone some sell their “coolatta” from a donut shop? Think about it. Donuts. Cops. Those two go together like Justin Bieber music and syrup of ipecac. But, I digress.

The moral to the story is twofold. First, being a hooker is bad. Second, being a hooker where a cops shows up every five minutes is just plain stoopid. If a woman wants to sell her “creme filled” pastry, sell it where the cops DO NOT show up! Like at a Likker Store. 🙂

Dunkin Donuts In Connecticut Is the Target of a Dumbass Bomb Threat

Those whacky knuckleheads at Dunkin Donuts have made the news again. It’s nothing that Dunkin has done to bring all this attention to themselves, rather another Dunkin customer who who’s had one too many Coolattas. On the heels of a recent story about I wrote about a Dunkin employee selling her “eclair”  through the drive thru window, comes the news of another dumbass who has had one too many glazed donuts from the venerable donut chain. Let me splain.

Down in Connecticut (it’s down in Connecticut from where I sit anyway), a lady pulled into the drive thru, ordered a drink and handed the Dunkin employee a package and a note. The note said that the package was a bomb(!) and sped away. After taking a large poop in her pants, the clerk called the cops, who eventually discovered that there was no bomb in the package. The obvious question is “why would someone want to bomb a Dunkin Donuts store?”. I mean, the coffee from Dunkin tastes like strained pig shit, but is that a good excuse to threaten the poor people at the store with a bomb? Of course not. Maybe the would-be bomber is a disgruntled former employee and she was upset that Dunkin dismissed her for eating up the profits. Or maybe she’s a pissed off customer who has a caffeine problem. Or maybe she’s just a lunatic. I vote for lunatic. And dumbass. All lunatics are dumbasses.

I publish this column not as a dig at Dunkin Donuts, but as a public service to you, my dumbass readers. I urge you be vigilant when you patronize your neighborhood Dunkin Donuts. Be on the lookout for suspicious customers who look like he/she could be the next dumbass to be featured on this very blog. You know the type. They are the ones who offer you their “eclair” or hand you a package with a bomb threat note attached to it.

America runs on Dunkin indeed.

Dumbasses.

Dunkin’ More Than Donuts

America “Runs” on Dunkin

Howdy, y’all! It’s 11 degrees in Augusta, Maine on this fine Sunday morning. It looks like Old Man Winter has finally arrived in New England. I am not happy about this. Let me splain to our newer readers. I am from Texas. It is warm in Texas for 50 weeks of the year. I like it warm. Where I live is next to Canada. Canada is cold 50 weeks a year. Plus Canadians talk funny and call one of their coins a “loony”. I ain’t kiddin’. Therefore, the choice is simple. I choose Cancun. Here’s your “Best of Dumbass News” for this week. Remember this story as you stop off at Dunkin Donuts on the way too Church this morning. But as the Good Book says, Jesus came to svae the sinner, not the righteous. Therer’s some good sinnin’ going on in this story. Amen. 

There’s a Dunkin Donuts on Route 46 in Parsippany, New Jersey that has added an item to their menu. Dunkin calls the new item is called “The Extra Sugar”. Local cops call it prostitution. I would have called it the “donut hole”, but I am a sick, twisted freak.  Let me splain.

Melissa Redmond works the overnight shift at one of the local Dunkin Donuts in Parsippany and it seems that she was serving more than donuts and coffee to some of her customers. After receiving a tip from an informant, cops set up surveillance and observed Melissa leaving her post in the store to go to the cars of select customers, stay for 10 or 15 minutes and then return to work. It didn’t take long for the cops to catch on so Melissa the Donut Ho was arrested for selling “Extra Sugar”. Dumbass.

One of the first things that popped into my mind when I read this story was why in the name of all that is Holy would someone some sell their “coolatta” from a donut shop? Think about it. Donuts. Cops. Those two go together like Justin Bieber music and syrup of ipecac. But, I digress.

The moral to the story is twofold. First, being a hooker is bad. Second, being a hooker where a cops shows up every five minutes is just plain stoopid. If a woman wants to sell her “creme filled” pastry, sell it where the cops DO NOT show up! Like at a Likker Store. 🙂

Dumbass.