Category: Dwarf

Dwarf Tossing, Door-to-Door Breast Exams & More!

Best of Dumbass from October 15, 2011

This week’s outstanding Dumbass News stories are among the weirdest we have ever seen on these pages. Frakkin’ hilarious stuff. This is going to make the race for “Dumbass of the Year, 2011” is a tough one to call at this point, but I do have some ideas for the finalists for the award. It’s a good thing I do because as I look at the calendar it’s the middle of October already so the end of the year is really not that far off. I am thinking about running a series of polls to where you can have some input into the “Dumbass of the Year” award process. I am leaning towards a tournament type series of polls where your votes will determine who moves on in the selection process. I just don’t really know yet. If you have any ideas I’d love to hear from you. This is your blog, I am just the dipshit who’s dumbass enough to actually put his name on it. Leave a comment with your ideas in the comment section or shoot me an email at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. Now onto The Dumbass News Week in Review! 

  • Dumbass Psychic – Not only does this dumb bitch expose herself as a charlatan, fraud, extortionist, she jumps way up the ladder in the “Dumbass of the Year” rankings. Sad and funny as hell at the same time.
  • What do Dwarf Tossing and the Constitution of the United States have in common? A lot more than you’d think. It takes a true genius of a dumbass like me to actually make sense of it all. read on and you’ll agree. I promise.
  • Door to Door Breast Exams – This story features one of the most ingenious dumbasses in the history of Dumbassery. You have got to read it to believe it. I didn’t make any of this stuff up. Pinky swear.

Remember to let me know if you have any “Dumbass of the Year” nominations or story ideas by emailing me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. To refresh your memory on your favorite dumbass, browse the blog archives and submit it to the email address <—–back there. If you are a newer reader the archives are a great place to catch up on some of weird news that happens every day somewhere in Dumbass-ville.

Adios.

Dumbasses.

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Boobs & Dwarf Tossing!

Best of Dumbass News

This week’s outstanding Dumbass News stories are among the weirdest we have ever seen on these pages. Frakkin’ hilarious stuff. This is going to make the race for “Dumbass of the Year, 2011” is a tough one to call at this point, but I do have some ideas for the finalists for the award. It’s a good thing I do because as I look at the calendar it’s the middle of October already so the end of the year is really not that far off. I am thinking about running a series of polls to where you can have some input into the “Dumbass of the Year” award process. I am leaning towards a tournament type series of polls where your votes will determine who moves on in the selection process. I just don’t really know yet. If you have any ideas I’d love to hear from you. This is your blog, I am just the dipshit who’s dumbass enough to actually put his name on it. Leave a comment with your ideas in the comment section or shoot me an email at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. Now onto The Dumbass News Week in Review! 

  • Dumbass Psychic – Not only does this dumb bitch expose herself as a charlatan, fraud, extortionist, she jumps way up the ladder in the “Dumbass of the Year” rankings. Sad and funny as hell at the same time.
  • What do Dwarf Tossing and the Constitution of the United States have in common? A lot more than you’d think. It takes a true genius of a dumbass like me to actually make sense of it all. read on and you’ll agree. I promise.
  • Door to Door Breast Exams – This story features one of the most ingenious dumbasses in the history of Dumbassery. You have got to read it to believe it. I didn’t make any of this stuff up. Pinky swear.

Remember to let me know if you have any “Dumbass of the Year” nominations or story ideas by emailing me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. To refresh your memory on your favorite dumbass, browse the blog archives and submit it to the email address <—–back there. If you are a newer reader the archives are a great place to catch up on some of weird news that happens every day somewhere in Dumbass-ville.

Adios.

Dumbasses.

Dumbass Psychic, Dwarf Tossing & Door-to-Door Boob Exams

Best of Dumbass from October 15, 2011

This week’s outstanding Dumbass News stories are among the weirdest we have ever seen on these pages. frakkin’ hilarious stuff. This is going to make the race for “Dumbass of the Year, 2011” is a tough one to call at this point, but I do have some ideas for the finalists for the award. It’s a good thing I do because as I look at the calendar it’s the middle of October already so the end of the year is really not that far off. I am thinking about running a series of polls to where you can have some input into the “Dumbass of the Year” award process. I am leaning towards a tournament type series of polls where your votes will determine who moves on in the selection process. I just don’t really know yet. If you have any ideas I’d love to hear from you. This is your blog, I am just the dipshit who’s dumbass enough to actually put his name on it. Leave a comment with your ideas in the comment section or shoot me an email at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. Now onto The Dumbass News Week in Review! 

  • Dumbass Psychic – Not only does this dumb bitch expose herself as a charlatan, fraud, extortionist, she jumps way up the ladder in the “Dumbass of the Year” rankings. Sad and funny as hell at the same time.
  • What do Dwarf Tossing and the Constitution of the United States have in common? A lot more than you’d think. It takes a true genius of a dumbass like me to actually make sense of it all. read on and you’ll agree. I promise.
  • Door to Door Breast Exams – This story features one of the most ingenious dumbasses in the history of Dumbassery. You have got to read it to believe it. I didn’t make any of this stuff up. Pinky swear.

Remember to let me know if you have any “Dumbass of the Year” nominations or story ideas by emailing me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. To refresh your memory on your favorite dumbass, browse the blog archives and submit it to the email address <—–back there. If you are a newer reader the archives are a great place to catch up on some of weird news that happens every day somewhere in Dumbass-ville.

Adios.

Dumbasses.

Coming to An Olympic Games Near You: Midget Throwing!

On Your Mark, Get Set….

One of my favorite things about blogging is that I get to tweak Liberals and do-gooders like Rush Limbaugh tweaks Democrats. You see, leftists have no sense of humor and think that they know what’s better for you than you do for yourself, high and mighty sanctimonious dickweeds that they are. And The Lord’s Day is as good a time as any to pester the bejeebers outta them. They are already in a snit because so many of you are going to Church today. Liberals hate Church, so their panties are already in major knot. So, let’s ramp it up a notch and get them fuming about something else while we’re at it. 

Enter dwarf tossing!

It’s times like these that make me proud to be an American. Last night we had a Republican Presidential Candidate debate in my next door neighbor, New Hampshire. Democracy in action, with each candidate sharing his views on various matters to the citizens of this great land. Just like the Founding Fathers envisioned. One of the major objectives of the Founders was that government remain limited in its role in the American peoples’ lives. I am for that. The government should be really good at three things…Guarding our borders against all enemies, killing bad guys swiftly and efficiently while turning the hell holes they live in into nice parking lots and leaving me the hell alone! And believe it or not a State rep in Florida gets the idea of small government! Let me splain.

Representative Ritch Workman of Melbourne has introduced a bill to the state legislature that repeals a twenty-two year old ban on dwarf tossing! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! we used to do something similar when I was a younger man back home in Texas. We’d throw horse shoes – with the horse still in them! It was a tough go but we managed until we got too drunk and/or stoned at which time we’d throw women. The women loved it! The chicks were drunk an/or stoned also, so it was in the name of fun and togetherness. Besides, the women folk knew if they played that they would “get some” later. OK, I made that stuff up, except for the drunk and/or stoned part.

Back to the midgets. Rep. Workman does not endorse nor condone tossing Little People, but he says that it is every American Midget’s God-given right to be passed around like a good one-hitter amid a sea of drunk dumbasses if he or she chooses to do so. I agree. This is America dammit and each and every one of her 310,000,000 residents has the Constitutional Right to be the best and brightest at his/her chosen field of endeavor. That same right applies to dumbasses too! Stoopid people, homeless people and midgets are guaranteed by the United States Constitution to be the biggest and best dumbass he or she can possibly be! Can I get an amen from the Readership?

Needless to say that the Little People of America is not exactly enthused by this situation. The Head Midget says that dwarfs who worked at being tossed about were alcoholics and had bad self-esteem. No shit, dumbass! Still, cry me a fucking river. Or since you are a Little Person Dumbass, cry me a creek, asswipe. Look, I don’t give a shit about Dwarf Tossing. If a Little Man wants to do that stoopid and demeaning shit, more power to him. It’s NOT about the dehumanizing of midgets being thrown around like rags dolls, it’s about The Right to Be Stoopid as put forth and guaran-fucking-teed by the document that is the very foundation of this country! So relax and puff on a fattie, Little People. “Normal” sized folks do stoopid shit that dwarf (pun intended) Dwarf Tossing all the time. Hideous, vile, destructive, thoughtless things. Like vote for Democrats.

Dumbasses.

Midget Bullfighting and Negroes For Supper

Toro! ***

Oh boy! One of my favorite, and one of the most popular, subjects on this blog is midgets. I have absolutely nothing at all against midgets. Hell, I am only 5’4″ myself. That ain’t exactly Andre the Giant territory. It’s just that so many people, many of them midgets themselves, get so fucking bent when a midget goes against what they (the bent people) think is “proper” behavior for a “little person”. A shitload of midgets get pissed off as well.

A Little Bull 

The latest thing to put a knot in the panties of a bunch of sissy do-gooders is Midget Bullfighting. You got it. Little People doing the cucaracha with bulls. Baby bulls of course. And this pisses off so many pussies why? Why is it that midgets have to all be exactly the same following the same rules or living the same lifestyle? I don’t get it. The Little People doing the bullfighting surely know what they are getting into. Or are they, as the Pissed Off Pussies seem to insinuate, too stoopid to make their own decisions? I go with the Bullfighting Midgets on this one. They are playing the hand that they’ve been dealt and making some cheese (that’s money for those of you in New Jersey) also. Do these same protesters think less of Meskins or Spaniards for bullfighting? Or are they expected to bend tacos and make sangria simply because of some pre-conceived idea of what Meskins and Spaniards are “expected” to do? I can’t remember his name, but did you know that the richest man in the world is a Meskin? I guess he bent a shit load of tacos to get there. Oh, did I mention that dwarf bullfighting is very popular in Mexico? I wonder if the Rich Meskin Guy has a stake in it?

Hypocrites 

This is what all these Liberals and Pissed Off Pussies do. They complain and bitch and moan that white guys, particularly Southern White Guys, placed people in categories because of their skin color, ethnicity or some other stoopid shit. Some do. But the vast majority of these rednecks would be happy to have a midget over for dinner. Why hell, they’d even let the midget sit at the grown up table. You’d be surprised to learn that 99% of these same “bigots” would actually have supper with Negroes! Yes, Negroes! Of course the Negroes would have to sit at the back of the dining room, but at least they eat fairly close to the Southern White Guys. What more do you expect from raaaaacists and bigots? BTW, raaaaacist always has five “a”s in it.

My point is that while all the Pissed Off Pussies and Liberals, but I repeat myself, are supposedly the people who think that all men are equal, but they are the ones constantly grouping people by race, religion, midgetry, etc. I say fuck the Pissed Off Pussies and their ilk. They are a bunch of hypocritical assholes who need to get laid. Or summarily shot at sun up. I am only kidding. They don’t need to get laid. They might reproduce and we can’t have that. Just shoot ’em.

Or make ’em have a Negro over for supper. NO! Not as the main course! As a guest, dickweed!

The Pissed Off Pussies and other Liberal Asswipes should be looking up to midget bullfighters. But then they’d (the POP) would have to be bigger men to do it. And the only bull they know is the bullshit they are so full of.

Dumbasses.

Hat tip to The Dumbass Wife

***Photo from Getty via HuffPo***

Dumbass of the Year Nominee – Dwarf Tossers!

Potential Tossees

There are many things that make this country the unique place that it is. The Declaration of Independence, The Constitution, the Federalist Papers and so on and so forth. But enough he secondary things that separate us from the rest of the world. 

All American

Let’s get to the red meat. Real American things. Merle Haggard. Shakespeare with a guitar. The guy is brilliant. NASCAR. Turn left a lot, go faster than the other guy and try not to wreck when you’re 6 inches off another car’s rear bumper going 200 mph. These men are frakkin’ incredible.  And certainly last but not least by any means, dwarf tossing! There is nothing more American than picking up a small person and hurling them through the at incredible speeds. OK, I made up the part about incredible speeds. That requires rockets and most Dwarf Tossers do not own or have access to rockets. Unless they are terrorists. But terrorists only toss teensy weensy camels, so screw ’em all. Pussies. 

As I note in the post you will read in a moment,  dwarf tossing is a God-given right as noted in the Constitution of the United States. Or Dwarf Tossing Weekly, I forget. Anyway, dwarf tossing is an activity the whole family can enjoy together, especially the runts in your family. Dwarf tossing gives them hope for a bright future, a chance to put their natural abilities to work for them. <sniffle> I love this country.

“You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Nominee

Above, I gave you some facts about dwarf tossing. Not only is it the future of America, it is a sport that has made headlines even in the Dumbass World. Read this post to find out more about our second nominee for the coveted Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award. It is sure to make you proud to be an American. I know it did me.

Dwarf Tossing – The Constitutional Right to Be a Dumbass!

A Dwarf and His Horses

It’s times like these that make me proud to be an American. Last night we had a Republican Presidential Candidate debate in my next door neighbor, New Hampshire. Democracy in action, with each candidate sharing his views on various matters to the citizens of this great land. Just like the Founding Fathers envisioned. One of the major objectives of the Founders was that government remain limited in its role in the American peoples’ lives. I am for that. The government should be really good at three things…Guarding our borders against all enemies, killing bad guys swiftly and efficiently while turning the hell holes they live in into nice parking lots and leaving me the hell alone! And believe it or not a State rep in Florida gets the idea of small government! Let me splain.

Representative Ritch Workman of Melbourne has introduced a bill to the state legislature that repeals a twenty-two year old ban on dwarf tossing! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! we used to do something similar when I was a younger man back home in Texas. We’d throw horse shoes – with the horse still in them! It was a tough go but we managed until we got too drunk and/or stoned at which time we’d throw women. The women loved it! The chicks were drunk an/or stoned also, so it was in the name of fun and togetherness. Besides, the women folk knew if they played that they would “get some” later. OK, I made that stuff up, except for the drunk and/or stoned part.

Back to the midgets. Rep. Workman does not endorse nor condone tossing Little People, but he says that it is every American Midget’s God-given right to be passed around like a good one-hitter amid a sea of drunk dumbasses if he or she chooses to do so. I agree. This is America dammit and each and every one of her 310,000,000 residents has the Constitutional Right to be the best and brightest at his/her chosen field of endeavor. That same right applies to dumbasses too! Stoopid people, homeless people and midgets are guaranteed by the United States Constitution to be the biggest and best dumbass he or she can possibly be! Can I get an amen from the Readership?

Needless to say that the Little People of America is not exactly enthused by this situation. The Head Midget says that dwarfs who worked at being tossed about were alcoholics and had bad self-esteem. No shit, dumbass! Still, cry me a fucking river. Or since you are a Little Person Dumbass, cry me a creek, asswipe. Look, I don’t give a shit about Dwarf Tossing. If a Little Man wants to do that stoopid and demeaning shit, more power to him. It’s NOT about the dehumanizing of midgets being thrown around like rags dolls, it’s about The Right to Be Stoopid as put forth and guaran-fucking-teed by the document that is the very foundation of this country! So relax and puff on a fattie, Little People. “Normal” sized folks do stoopid shit that dwarf (pun intended) Dwarf Tossing all the time. Hideous, vile, destructive, thoughtless things. Like vote for Democrats.

Dumbasses.