Category: Election

Guy Steals Delivery Car, Finishes Deliveries, Goes to Jail

This past Friday political conservatives from all over the internet staged a “buycott” of Papa John’s Pizza. This was in response to political liberals’ boycott of Papa John’s because of the pizza giant’s plans to cut many full time employees’ hours to part time and to outright discharge other workers due to the looming implementation of Obamacare, or as I call it, “a big steaming pile of yak shit”.

Regardless of your position on the impending health care law, you have to admit that you have not yet heard of a single theft of a Papa John’s delivery guy’s automobile during this event. Even in Connecticut. Bipartisanship at its finest.

The same can not be said for a Chinese Food Delivery Guy in Connecticut.

GTA Gai Pan

Some poor schlub in Connecticut was going about his bidness of delivering Chinese food to the hungry folks of Hartford when he did something stoopid. The Schlub was making a delivery to Bristow Middle School. When he went inside to deliver the food, he left his car running! This was all the opportunity that Keith Hinds needed.

Keith jumped in the idling car and hauled ass. And by “hauled ass” I mean he went on to continuing to deliver the remaining orders on The Schlub’s route! He evidently intended to keep all the cash he was collecting from the deliveries.

The cops were called and the restaurant also called the remaining customers on the route notifying them about what had happened. It was then that one of the customers reported to the restaurant that his food had already been delivered! By the car thief! At this point the jig was up.

The cops easily located Hinds and put him under arrest.

Upon taking him into custody, you’ll never in a gazillion years believe what the cops found in Keith Hinds’ possession. Drugs – a joint and an anti-psychotic. Oh, yeah, and a crack pipe. Knock me over with a feather.

Election turmoil with possible voter fraud, the death of Twinkies and now this.

Our country is doomed.

Dumbasses.

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Dumbass Laws, Part 6 – Post Election Edition

As you know, we had elections around the country last night and many Americans look for their elected representatives to take their oath of office and immediately begin the process of repealing some of the dumbass laws which have been passed in the last couple years. While our national leaders are gearing up for fun, froth and frivolity of being in the US Congress, on a local level, people are hopeful that the repeal of local dumbass laws is inevitable. Today, we’ll again bring to your attention to some of those dumbass laws with the proverbial target on their backs. Let’s get to it.

Montana – In this Big Sky Country state, it is against the law to drive with ice picks attached to your wheels.
DN – Next thing you know, they’ll make it illegal to drive with a fattie attached to your lips.

Nebraska – If a kid burps during a church service in Omaha, his parents could face arrest.
DN – Thank God I only slept during Mass on Sundays.

Nevada – Everyone wlaking the streets of Elko, Nevada are required to wear a mask.
DN- I ain’t got a problem with this one. Have you ever seen the women of Elko, Nevada? If you have then you’ll understand the reason this law is a necessity. U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, you ugly, you ugly.

New Hampshire – New Hampshire is the only state with which Maine shares a border. It’s kind of a buffer between us (Maine) and Massivetwoshits. Anyway, in New Hampshire you can not pay off a gambling debt with the clothes you are currently wearing.
DN – despite the presence of this law, there is a major black market for “businessmen” who loan money extremely beautiful and equally stupid young women. Don’t you just love the free enterprise system?

New Jersey – The Garden State makes it illegal to frown at a policeman.
DN – This is quite possibly the most dumbass law ever! I mean, think about it. These people live in New Frakkin’ Jersey! What the hell is there to smile about?

In closing, I’d like to pass on to the people of New Jersey this piece of advice : Smile at a cop. It’ll make him wonder what you’re up to. And if you’re lucky, it could be your ticket out of there.