Category: Enzo

Ina Gives in to Pressure! Will Cook With Sick Kid! But She’s Still a Dumbass

Today we are going to revisit a post I did a couple of days ago. This is necessary to the plot. let me el explain-o.

On April 1, I went ballistic on the Food Network’s “Barefoot Contessa”, Ina Garten. Rather than recount the whole thing again here, I’ll pick out a few selected quotes from the April 1 post. I will tell you that I lit into Ina because she twice turned down a request to help out the Make A Wish Foundation grant the wish of a six year old boy with cancer! My Mother would not be proud of me for the things I wrote. it was ugly. For instance, I wrote this “I have no sympathy for a cold-hearted bitch who is “too busy” to make a fucking phone call to a terminally ill little boy who doesn’t know how much time he has left”. And that was one of the nicer things I wrote. If you don’t mind really bad language and the truth, here’s the whole thing. Read it if you dare.

At the time I put those words to paper, as it were, I meant every damn syllable of it. And guess what? It worked! Due to the repercussions and overwhelming pressure initiated by my brilliant, though-provoking post, Ina has changed her mind. Actually, I made that last sentence up, but a dumbass can dream, can’t he? Ina Garten doesn’t give a shit about what I think, but she does give a shit about thousands of emails and phone calls to the Food Network from pissed off viewers telling her what a cold-hearted diva she is. Therefore she crumbled like a house of cards. Upon reconsideration, Ina called the sick kid and invited him to hang around the Food Network studios while she tapes her program, so, in the end, things worked out like they should have, even though Garten and her “people” were less than gracious about the situation from the beginning. I am still not sure Ina learned her lesson though, or she should fire her spoke-dumbass becuase the spokes-dumbass told ABC News, “Ina became aware of Enzo’s story this weekend and will be calling him today,” a spokesperson for Garten.” She found out this weekend? That’s a steaming pile of horse hockey if I ever smelled one. This story was all over the old and new media for almost a week before somebody notified her? Uh huh. And Santa Claus will bring me a new truck and bass boat for Christmas. Dumbasses.

I am not going to pound Ina again today because she finally ended up doing the right thing, if a day late and a dollar short. I will, however, continue to boycott her show because she still seems to be a first class bitch, or at least that’s the impression her spokes-dumbass has left us with. Prove me wrong, Ina. If you’ve got once ounce of self respect left, you should personally make a statement in your own words for us all to see and let us make up our own minds about your bitchness or lack thereof. And one more thing, Ina…fire the stupid fuck, or stupid fucks, that act as your press liaison. There are a bunch of incompetent idiots who did you no favors during this whole ordeal.

This is your shot at redemption, Ina. Make the best of it. I’ll be waiting and watching, don’t let me, or especially the sick kid, down. Until then, you are still a dumbass.


The Barefoot Contessa Can Kiss My Barebottom Ass

Her Goose is Cooked                               Enzo

It pains me write this post today, because our Dumbass of the Day is, until a couple of days ago, someone I admired not only as a chef and TV host, but, so I thought, as a person. As a long time member of the media many years ago, I should have known better. Many of my colleagues at the time were a bunch of self-important assholes who took their status as “celebrities” way too seriously. So is, apparently, today’s dumbass, Ina Garten, The Barefoot Contessa on the Food Network.

HEADS UP! I am going to rip Ina a new one. So, if you’re offended by crude language and childish name-calling, STOP reading now. My Mother’s not going to be very proud of me for what I am about to write because she raised me better than that, but Ina deserves every single insult that I am about to hurl at her. What she did, or more specifically, didn’t do, makes me want to do just that…hurl. You have been warned.

What sin so egregious could this seemingly nice lady have committed that’s got my Fruit of the Looms in such a bunch? Ina coldly declined a request by the Make A Wish Foundation to grant a dying wish to a six year old boy with CANCER! Not once, but twice! Ina had a legitimate reason for not being able to fulfill this request the first time as she was on a book tour and simply would not be able to do it. Fine. I have no problem with that. The boy was asked if he wanted to make another wish and he said no, he would wait for Ina. Ina finished her book tour and was contacted again to set up another to time to cook with Enzo. The reply from Ina’s representative? “Despite her demanding schedule, [Ina] participates and helps as many organizations as she can throughout the year, helping children and adults like Enzo with life threatening and compromising illnesses. The rep continues, “Unfortunately, as much as she would like to, it’s absolutely impossible for her to grant every request she receives.” Okie dokie. I guess a five minute phone call to wish Enzo well would have taken too much time out of Ina’s “demanding schedule”. Rude bitch. Having said that, MAW says that Ms. Garten is a “good friend” to the foundation. Except this time. Selfish broad. Ina has no kids, so she’ll never have to go through what Enzo’s mother is enduring as we speak. But then again, a book tour might interfere with that, too.

It’s beyond me how a woman who has done so well has so little regard for a kid in Enzo’s position. She has, not only through her actions, but by her silence on this matter as well, demonstrated that she could give a shit. I understand her workload, I have been there and done that. I have no sympathy for a cold-hearted bitch who is “too busy” to make a fucking phone call to a terminally ill little boy who doesn’t know how much time he has left. Ina deserves every single negative story published about this little stunt, the scorn she is receiving and the resultant loss of viewers of her TV show and plummeting sales of her soon-to-be bargain bin cook books. Oh, yeah, Food Network and their sister network, The Cooking Channel, can kiss my ass and my viewership goodbye. You are all complicit by not saying a damn thing that I can find regarding this matter. Fuck. You. All. Sideways. Dumbasses.

Enzo has decided on another wish through Make A Wish Foundation. he’s going to be swimming with dolphins! Good for you, Enzo! Have a great time with the porpoises and keep fightin’, Little Brother. We love you, man!

Note: Iron Chef Michael Symon says he’ll cook with Enzo in the very near future! God bless you Chef Michael. You are a man amongst bitches. Ina! Did you hear that? Symon’s gonna go fulfill Enzo’s wish. You could learn something from Chef Michael. That is if your “demanding schedule” will allow you a minute to learn a little humility. Dumbass.

(Hat tip to Heather the Wife and