Category: ER

Sex Toy Mishap Leads to Vibrator Litigation!

WARNING!!! This story is NSFW! (unless you have a freak for a boss) It is especially INAPPROPRIATE for children! You have been WARNED. Gross out WARNING also!

Love in a Box

Where to start, where to start where to start? There are a lot of love birds in the world today that seek to “enhance” their sex lives – Viagra, Cialis, “marital aids”, etc. Considering this, one doesn’t have to look too far for a dumbass freaky sex toy story. And boy have I got a doozy for you today!

A lady in Northern California is suing a “marital aid” maker in SoCal because of a terrible experience using one of their products. The fake dick maker is named, get this, Pipedreams Products. Now that’s funny! But my question is, how does one have an accident using a vibrator or some such? According to the woman, she and her boyfriend were having Mad Monkey sex when she felt a sharp pain “down there”. the guy quickly removed the vibrator and it was covered with blood. The chick thought at the time that her “monthly visitor” had made its round. That theory was shot to hell when she continued to lose blood and fade in and out of lucidity. Her son thought his mother was dieing and she did, too. The son rushed her to the hospital where she administered several pints of blood and stabilized. The lady tried to get some compensation from Pipedreams, but the company said, “How about a new fake weenie and a set of ass beads instead?”. This offer was not well received by the woman in question. OK, I made that new fake weenie and ass beads part up. The point is that Pipedreams said, “Haha, bitch, you are screwed. And bloody. But mostly screwed.” So she is now suing the fake dick maker, who has blood on his, er, uh, hands. Or something.

This episode brings to mind several thought-provoking questions, but I’ll address just a couple or three. Question number 1: How in the world can a vibrator cause a bloody mess in a woman’s vagina? Explosion? The lady mistook a small kitchen appliance for her sex toy? Maybe the boyfriend was slammin’ it “in there” like a construction worker with a jack hammer working a a New York City sidewalk. I dunno. I’m still trying to figger this one out. Question number 2: Does a government agency test these sex toys to ensure their safety, like they do hair dryers or or kids’ car seats? You know, A Department of Fake Dick Testing or some such. If so, I hope they test them on Playboy Playmates or some sleaze ball skanky sluts from the porn industry. Question number 3: is this government agency hiring?