Category: False Teeth

False Teeth Foil Felon!

When a crime is committed, there are a number of ways to link a particular suspect to it. Fingerprints and DNA immediately come to mind. Thanks to a dumbass in Sacramento, California, there is now a brand new way to place a suspect at the scene of the crime – false teeth. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the latest tool in the forensic arsenal of police forces all over the country is now dentures. Let me splain.

A guy named James Brown (not the dead black guy, this JB is a live stupid shit white guy) stole a car and while tooling around in said stolen car crashed into two other automobiles. And some fences. And landscaping. Our man James fled the scene on foot bloodied and injured according to witnesses. That’s a dumbass move in and of itself. The cops IDed James as the culprit because of something he left at the crash site – his false teeth! I’m no authority on dentures, but I assume that they are somewhat mouth-specific. Unique like a fingerprint, I guess. James lost his choppers when the airbag in the car he swiped deployed upon impact with one of the other cars he crashed into. The dumbass. To top it off, James has one of the best mugshots ever!

Member of the Ugly White guy Dumbass Hall of Shame

It should come as no surprise that James Brown the Dumbass White Guy is no stranger to law enforcement. At the time of his arrest in Sacramento, he was wanted in Washington, D.C. on an escape from jail charge. Evidently James has a history of escaping from the custody of the police. I am gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that during his previous escapes from the law, James never once left his dentures behind. I’m just sayin’. He did this time, however, and the cops put the bite on him. Dumbass.

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