According to the Chinese calendar, 2011 is the Year of the Rabbit. But according to the Dipshit Calendar, 2011 is the Year of the Dumbass. And, ladies and gentlemen, the dumbasses of the world have not let us down so far in this young year.
|The Next Malawian Law?|
We bitch and moan about the dumbasses that we have elected to our gubmint, and rightfully so, but we rarely whine and complain about foreign leaders. That is about to change. While we are supplied with an endless flow of dumbass in the USA, ours aren’t the only dumbasses elected to High Office. Take Malawi,
please! for example. What’s that? Where’s Malawi? I think it’s near New Jersey. What do I look like? A Rand-McNally Atlas? But, I digress.
In Malawi, which is a New Jersey Secret Code Word for “our women are ugly and at least we’re not Delaware”, that nation’s President is calling for a law to outlaw farting in some instances. In my opinion, this law doesn’t pass the smell test. (insert your own fart joke here) I am not making this stuff up. The UPI, which does make up stuff, reports that the proposed Fart Law will “include measures to ban “passing gas” with the intention to “mold responsible and disciple citizens,” “insulting the modesty of a woman,” “disturbing religious assemblies” and “trespassing on burial places”. Let’s break down this proposal into sections. The first section we’ll observe is the “Intention to Mold Responsible and Disciple Citizens” Section”. What. The. Hell.? How in the world can the fart-or “mold” a fart-ee? Will the fart-ee’s face become molded into a “holy shit that thing stinks” look when somebody lets one rip? You know, like your Mom told you when you were kid. “If you keep making that hideous face it will freeze like that forever.” Furthermore, what if some Malawian prankster got his hands on a whoopie cushion and went all over the place “farting” and causing other Malawians’ faces to “freeze like that”? would that be a crime? If so, what would the punishment be? On to the “Insulting the Modesty of a Woman Section” of this would-be law. If a modest woman, the fart-ee marries a flatulent man, the fart-or, can she testify against him in a court of law? If not, then her status as a fart-ee is immaterial to the case, and she must suffer the life of a fart-ee married to a fart-or until death do they
fart part. Thank goodness there is opposition to this statute. The Main Opposition Guy said the bill, which would also impose penalties on people posing as fortune tellers, would create a “kangaroo-like court” that would “not be ideal for a democracy.”Yeah, fart-ors and fortune tellers are the bane of a civilized society, aren’t they?
Just remember this. When they outlaw farts, only outlaws will have farts. Dumbasses.