Category: FLA

Florida & 9-1-1 Calls for Sex Always Fun!

It’s always tons of fun when we get to go to Florida for some good old fashioned Dumbassery. It’s even more fun when the act of Dumbassery involves a dumbass call to 9-1-1!

Especially when the call to 9-1-1 is for SEX!

Not a Female Cop in Sight

9-1-1 No-no

We here at Dumbass News pride ourselves in bringing you the best 9-1-1 Dumbassery to be found anywhere in the world. I think we have proven that with such outstanding 9-1-1 Dumbassery as the guy who call the emergency service to have some beer delivered. While I agree that being out of beer is indeed an emergency, 9-1-1 worthy it ain’t. We have even featured a story where a 9-1-1 “health emergency” call lead to cops discovering 124 pot plants from where the call was placed. excellent Dumbassery indeed. Then there’s the tale of a Dumbass who dialed 9-1-1 so the cops would come over and he would kick their asses. This did not work out well for the Dumbass.

You’ll notice one very important topic missing from our roster of Dumbass 9-1-1 Call List. Care to venture a guess? Yes! S-E-X!

I haven’t been layin’ down on the job, it wasn’t until I checked my email today that I finally got a story with a 9-1-1/Sex angle to it. And being ever-vigilant for such material, the minute my eagle eye spotted it, I loaded up the blogging tools and hit the keyboard running.

Hopin’ for Humpin’

There’s a horny Dumbass down in Tampa. of course that description could cover 80% of the Tampa area population, but this horny Dumbass wanted some lovin’ so bad, he dialed 9-1-1 for it! Not once. Not twice. Not even three times. But this Dumbass punched up a 6-3-7-7! That’s seven times 9-1-1!.

Now while an occasional call to Emergency Service for a blow job or some phone sex might be OK in some places around the country, in the F-L-A this is a large uh-uh. Nein nein. Nyet nyet. Non non. For the Yoopers in the Dumbass Horde, all the previous double words represent the word “no” in three, count ’em three foreign languages. Who says that Dumbass News ain’t got no class? there’s that word again. No.

Anyway, the Dumbass in Tampa, no relation to the Dumbass Protesters at the Republican Convention, hit up the Hillsborough County 9-1-1 folks seven times asking them to send over a female police officer so he could be handcuffed to play “Prison Bitch”. Or something like that.

Not Amused

It goes without saying that the operators at 9-1-1 faled to see the humor or the unbridled hormonal rage the Dumbass was engaging in. So after the seventh time he called looking for female cop nooky, he was arrested for abusing the emergency system. Busted by big hairy 100% Male Police Officers.

No word on whether or not he solicited the Guy Cops or not.

I doubt it though. Because he’s not a homo, he’s a …

…Dumbass.

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Lady Wants to Get Married, Become American; Beats the Hell Out of Boyfriend Instead

Lookin’ for Love

I am an America and damned proud to be one. I love this country more than everything but God and Family. Evidently there are millions of others around the world who love the good ole USA also. While hundreds of thousands go through the immigration system to become American citizens, others try, and many succeed, in entering the country illegally. Then are the lucky foreign nationals who are already here and trying like hell to stay here. These people realize that we’ve got it pretty good.

Sometimes immigrants use nefarious ways to gain American Citizenship. Like marriages of convenience – marrying an American citizen in order to not be deported.

Did somebody out there say “Dumbass”?

Well, it just so happens……


Wanting a New VISA (and I Don’t Mean Credit Card)

Nikoleta Karoly is a foreigner with a just-about-to-expire-VISA. She desperately wants to stay in the United States. She is so adamant about staying here that she was willing to marry her boyfriend so she would not be sent back to her country of origin, which no doubt is some Communist Hellhole. Like Massivetwoshits.

There was, however, one teensy weensy hitch in Niki’s plan to marry her beau and remain in the US. The groom-to-be did not want to be a groom. No matter how you view this situation, this minute detail throws a monkey wrench into Niki’s plan. Another small detail not to be overlooked is the fact that Nikoleta is now a felon.

Well, somebody sure pissed in her Cheerios, didn’t they?

Wedding Bell Blues

Upon being told that The Guy did not want to marry her, thereby blowing her immediate chances of not being deported, Niki became a bit upset. And by a “bit upset”, I mean she beat the shit out of her boyfriend. Yep, nothing says “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you American pig” like a good ole country ass kickin’.

According to the American Pig Boyfriend, this was not the first time that Niki was violent towards him because he was hesitant to marry her. I, for one, am all about a serious “come to Jesus” meeting when it’s necessary to the plot, but this is not the method best-suited for encouraging one’s lover into the Holy bond of matrimony.

But, then again, I am a Dumbass. What do I know?

What I Know

I know that:

  • Nikoleta Karoly is now in the Collier County (FLA) Jail.
  • Nikoleta Karoly may well spend some time in a nice comfy Florida State Prison.
  • Nikoleta Karoly will not become an American citizen.
  • Nikoleta Karoly’s boyfriend is a pussy for letting a woman beat his ass.

And…..

  • Nikoleta Karoly will not be getting married to an American Pig any time soon. Unless it’s to a fellow inmate at an FLA Women’s Correctional Facility whose nickname is “Spike” who is also in The Slammer for beating the shit out of her boyfriend.

Dumbass.