Category: Francisco

An Elastic Mouth Dumbass!

When a couple has a child, they spend a lot of time telling the little varmint “Don’t put that in your mouth!” for the first few years of the kid’s life. Then the child grows up to become famous…for putting things in his mouth! such is the case with a young man named Francisco. Francisco is a dumbass, and I say that with love in my heart, Francisco. He’s just a poor kid from Angola (the country, not the prison) trying to make a buck by shoving large objects into his mouth. Take a look at this picture where Francisco has a soda can in his mouth…sideways! Several jokes come to mind at this point, but I shall refrain from putting them to the written word. I will, however, give you a hint: one joke involves chrome and a trailer hitch and the other a golf ball and a garden hose. Enough said. Our boy Francisco has even appeared on Italian TV displaying what is billed as, I ain’t makin’ this up, The Angolan Jaw of Awe. I’ll bet. On this particular TV show, a contest was held to find the biggest mouth in the world. The big mouth dumbasses in search of that ever elusive title, proceeded to shove various objects such as saucers, coffee cups and beer bottles. What? No small automobiles? But, The Angolan Jaw of Awe won the day when he put in and removed a sideways soda can 14 times in a minute! Here is a direct quote from the article on Aol News, Francisco, “who shot to local stardom by showing off his mouth on the streets of Luanda, the capital of Angola. The local newspaper, Zwele Angola, said he often performs at soccer games and in the local markets.” What does he slam into his mouth at a soccer game? Goaltenders? The visiting team? I bet Francisco is a big hit at birthday parties and bar mitzvahs. Francisco is hoping someday to go to school, the article states. Bucket Mouth U, maybe? Dumbass. Remember, I say that with love.

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