Category: Gainesville

The Money is Fake, The Dumbass is Real

Ricky Ricardo Impersonator Dollar Bill

Today’s foray into dumbassery finds us deep in the Dumbass Jungle where the dumbasses are even more of a dumbass than your garden variety, everyday dumbass. The Dumbass Jungle yields a much more stoopid species than their urban counterparts. A prime example of this theory is Douglas Osborne of Gainesville, Florida.

You see, good ole Doug wanted some spending money so he was bound and determined to get it one way or another. Did he get a job? No. Did he walk the streets of Gainesville picking up bottles and cans? Uh-uh. he went to Walmart. “But wait!”, you say, “you said he didn’t get a job”. And he didn’t. He went into WalMart to buy a printer. Here’s where the money comes in. Doug was making money all right. Making it with his printer! Dumbass Doug printed about $600 in funny money and immediately went on an attempted spending spree all over town. Despite the fact that Gainesville is home to Florida State University, where some of the athletes have a higher felony count than a GPA, but, I digress, some people, non-FSU grads, employed by local businesses (FSU grads can be heard at your local fast food drive thru saying, “Would you like that Super sized?”) were not fooled by the obviously fake money and by the end of the day, Doug was just another dumbass in the FSU Wing of the County Jail, charged with making fake cash and being a non-athletic dumbass felon. But, I, again, digress.

Let this be a lesson to other dumbasses who are thinking of doing a little counterfeit money action, use something better than a $49.99 Epson printer from WalMart to do your dirty deeds. And if you become a successful counterfeiter, drop me a note. I need some new stories about you dipshits for this blog. Dumbasses.

(hat tip to Heather the Wife)

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