Category: Georgia

Dumbass Threatens to Cook & Eat Divorce Judge’s Kids!

Divorce.

One of the ugliest words in the English language. Unless of course you are married to a real motherfucker. If you find/have found yourself in the position of being hitched to a steaming pile of yak shit of a spouse, then the word “divorce” rings in your ears like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus.

Still, it is always in your best interest, especially if kids are involved, to conduct yourself civilly during divorce proceedings.

Loves Kids; Especially with Salt & Mustard

James Satterfield of Cobb County, Georgia probably wishes he had done so.

But, as the old Carole King song goes, “it’s too late, baby now, it’s too late”.

She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft

You see, James Satterfield went through a divorce in which he felt he was unfairly treated. There are ways to remedy court rulings in which one feels he or she has been given the short end of the stick. These remedies involve lawyers, judges and all kinds of other fun-filled legal system avenues. James, being all pissed off at the judge in his divorce case, forewent these processes. Instead, good ol’ Jimmy wrote a letter to the presiding judge in the matter of the dissolution of his marriage.

What could possibly go wrong?

I guess that nothing would go wrong unless in the letter to Hizzoner you threaten to murder his children and “cook them first to make them more palatable”. Any father would immediately take great offense at such a threat. But not just any father can throw your lousy ass in jail and toss away the key. A father who is a County Superior Court Judge can.

In addition to threatening to make the judge’s kids his supper, the warrant for James’ arrest also stated that he had written a check to his soon-to-be ex-wife for $72,000, moved out of his apartment and told his family to give away his belongings. Oh, yeah, one more thing. James had a gun in his truck. With this evidence in hand, Authorities determined that James was about to carry out (carry out! kids for lunch! hahahaha!) his nefarious plot.

This is why Jim Bob is in the County Lock Up being held without bail.

To be accurate, it wasn’t the judge in James’ divorce case that threw him in the slammer, it was another judge altogether.

James was also ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation.

Ya think?

Dumbass.

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Best Buy Shoplifter vs. United States Marines; Multiple Injuries Ensue

Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, Georgia was at Best Buy minding his own bidness as he was doing his Christmas shoplifting a little early this year when his plans went awry. And by “awry” I mean he was met with a surprise as he tried to escape with a purloined laptop.

Semper Fi.

Dumbass.

***Shamelessly Ripped Off from I Hate the Media***

DUI On a Bull Dozer!

Best of Dumbass News

Every story I write about on this blog has earned the right to call itself Dumbass News-worthy. But there is the occasional tale that is tailor-made for this blog like John Wayne was made to be a Cowboy. You know the kind of story I am talking about. One so perfect that you almost have to question its authenticity. That’s how the following story is. Hand meet glove. Enuff said.

Would you be surprised if I told you this perfect Dumbass story involved alcohol? And a guy with three names? And a bulldozer?

I didn’t think so.

B. U. I. (Bulldozing Under the Influence)

Cody Ray Gibbs had already been cited for DUI once before. He thought he was safe from a second one, so he went out and got tanked up with his buddies and finally it was time to go home. On the bulldozer he drove to the bar.

Here’s what the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation had to say: “Cody Ray Gibbs, 22, was allegedly under the influence of alcohol when he intentionally destroyed concrete curbing, erosion silt fence and landscaping at a construction site near Powder Springs where homes were to be built, according to an arrest warrant obtained by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Gibbs did not have consent of the property owners to operate the bulldozer between 2 and 2:30 a.m. Aug. 2, the warrant states. The warrant does not state whether or not Gibbs was employed by the company that owned the bulldozer.
A week later, Gibbs was arrested and charged with second degree criminal damage, a felony. Property developers told police that damage was estimated at $10,000.”

What the Hell?

That is just one question I’d like to ask…what the hell? “What the fuck?” comes to mind as well. As does “are you friggin’ kiddin’ me?” Who does this guy think he is, George Jones? (It’s a long story, google “george jones + riding lawnmower” to get the deal)

Cody Ray “D – 9 Cat” Gibbs
  • What the heck was Cody Ray thinkin’ when he decided to take the dozer and go drinking in the first place.
  • Was he hoping to impress the chciks with his ride?
  • Between 2 and 2:30 AM? On a bulldozer? After a night of consuming large quantities of alcoholic beverages? Really?
  • What was he drinking and can I have some? Please.

What Next?

Guys have been busted for DUI on scooters, bikes, motorized wheel chairs and, like George Jones, on riding lawn mowers.The lesson here is that the drinking and driving laws in most states cover a wide range of vehicles for you to get popped on if you are plowed and driving one of them.

So, all you Dumbass Drunks out there take heed. You could be next to be arrested for DUI on a horse or something.

Next thing you know they’ll make it illegal to be fubared and drive a school bus.

Dumbasses.

Dumbass Busted for DUI on Bull Dozer!

Every story I write about on this blog has earned the right to call itself Dumbass News-worthy. But there is the occasional tale that is tailor-made for this blog like John Wayne was made to be a Cowboy. You know the kind of story I am talking about. One so perfect that you almost have to question its authenticity. That’s how the following story is. Hand meet glove. Enuff said.

Would you be surprised if I told you this perfect Dumbass story involved alcohol? And a guy with three names? And a bulldozer?

I didn’t think so.

B. U. I. (Bulldozing Under the Influence) 

Cody Ray Gibbs had already been cited for DUI once before. He thought he was safe from a second one, so he went out and got tanked up with his buddies and finally it was time to go home. On the bulldozer he drove to the bar.

Here’s what the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation had to say: “Cody Ray Gibbs, 22, was allegedly under the influence of alcohol when he intentionally destroyed concrete curbing, erosion silt fence and landscaping at a construction site near Powder Springs where homes were to be built, according to an arrest warrant obtained by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Gibbs did not have consent of the property owners to operate the bulldozer between 2 and 2:30 a.m. Aug. 2, the warrant states. The warrant does not state whether or not Gibbs was employed by the company that owned the bulldozer.
A week later, Gibbs was arrested and charged with second degree criminal damage, a felony. Property developers told police that damage was estimated at $10,000.”

What the Hell?

That is just one question I’d like to ask…what the hell? “What the fuck?” comes to mind as well. As does “are you friggin’ kiddin’ me?” Who does this guy think he is, George Jones? (It’s a long story, google “george jones + riding lawnmower” to get the deal)

Cody Ray “D – 9 Cat” Gibbs
  • What the heck was Cody Ray thinkin’ when he decided to take the dozer and go drinking in the first place.
  • Was he hoping to impress the chciks with his ride?
  • Between 2 and 2:30 AM? On a bulldozer? After a night of consuming large quantities of alcoholic beverages? Really?
  • What was he drinking and can I have some? Please.

What Next? 

Guys have been busted for DUI on scooters, bikes, motorized wheel chairs and, like George Jones, on riding lawn mowers.The lesson here is that the drinking and driving laws in most states cover a wide range of vehicles for you to get popped on if you are plowed and driving one of them.

So, all you Dumbass Drunks out there take heed. You could be next to be arrested for DUI on a horse or something.

Next thing you know they’ll make it illegal to be fubared and drive a school bus.

Dumbasses.

Dumbass at Gun Show Shoots Self! Embarrassment Ensues

Firewater & Firepower

I am a big supporter of gun ownership in the United States. As I have stated before, the Right to Bear Arms is second to the Freedom of Speech, Religion etc. for a reason; protection. Not only protection from bad guys foreign and domestic, but protection from an overpowering gubmint. While many of you may disagree with me on this point, and that’s fine with me, I am not here to make a case for the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution, I am here to show that with gun ownership comes the ownership of responsibility that is part and parcel of owning a firearm.

Rules for Gun Owners

Rule No.1 – Always assume a gun is loaded. Common sense, ain’t it? But not all gun owners follow this guideline. More on that in a minute.

Rule No.2 – If you aim a gun at another human bean, you’d better be ready to use it. Period.

There are, of course, other rules for gun ownership, but these two are the most important of them in my opinion. Just like the 1st and 2nd Amendments, these rules are numbers one and two, in that order, for a reason.

Rule No.1? What’s That?

99.9% of all gun owners in the US follow these two rules and all the rest necessary to safe and responsible stewardship of weaponry. Those who don’t are one of two things: a criminal or a dumbass. We know about the criminal element and guns, so let’s take a look at a Dumbass who falls into the 0.1% who don’t always observe gun safety properly.

At a Gun Show?

One would think that a guy in the South would be at the top of the list of guys who respect the power and dangers of guns. This would go double for a guy who is an attendee at a Gun Show! One would be doubly wrong in this case.

Charles Lake was at a big Gun Show and Terrorist Target Practice Extravaganza in Savannah, Georgia. Chuck is a big boy of twenty-six years and one would suspect that he might know better than to ignore any gun safety rules. One would again be wrong.

Charlie was reloading his pistol, after a resounding round of target practice I assume, and guess what? BOOM! He shot himself in the leg! It would appear that Charles didn’t exactly follow Rule No. 1 very conscientiously doesn’t it?

The Tale of 2 Charles Lakes

I know a guy named Charles Lake, but this Charles Lake is not him. As I stated, this Charles Lake is a dumbass in Georgia and the CL I know is a dumbass in Texas. My Charles Lake is a bit older than the guy in GA as well. So all you Dumbass Friends of mine at the Half Moon Bar and Grill Lunchtime Lush Hour, don’t pick on your Charles Lake. If, and that’s a BIG if, this would have happened to the CL in Texas, he would have blasted his gazebos to high heaven. The dumb fuck in Savannah suffered a minor leg injury – no gazebo involvement at all. Too bad. The asswipe can still reproduce.

Besides, if my friend Charles L in Texas was gonna get his gazebos shot off, it would be his wife who shot them off. With a 12 Gauge. With Double Aught Buck. She’s a mean bitch.

The Chuck in GA

So Charles Lake of Savannah, Georgia wasn’t seriously wounded when his pistol accidentally discharged and for that I am glad. I’m fairly certain that Charles’ gazebos are relieved as well. Do you know what kind of damage a 9mm bullet will do to man’s Manhood? Neither do I and I do not want to find out! I do, however, have a pretty graphic idea of what the results of such a tragedy would be and it ain’t purty, folks.

Charles did suffer one major injury to his ego though. Upon finding out that Charles was gonna be OK, I imagine the other attendees at the Gun Show and Terrorist Target Practice Extravaganza blistered Chucky Boy with a hearty exhibit of laughter, name-calling and derision. Deservedly so.

Dumbass.

Negroes and Math Books in Norcross, Georgia

3rd Grade Negro Math Question – Norcross, GA

On occasion when writing a story for this blog, I get real close to the extremely thin line that separates good taste from out of bounds – too often to some. My general attitude is that if I think something I write approaches that imaginary line, I stop just short enough of it to remain on the “good taste” side of it. I rarely, if ever, cross that boundary – at least in my opinion, and that’s the one that counts. It’s my blog. I am the Head Dumbass. The Mayor of Dumbassville. The Big Cheese. The Boss. Your Fearless Leader. I honestly try not to piss off too many readers, but no matter how much I attempt to please everyone, there are always a few sour pusses and “victims” who have to whine about any and every thing. But, hey, their page view counts exactly the same as my Mother’s. That’s simply the way it is. Let ’em “click” to get here and scream victimhood and squshed like the cow-patty-on-a hot-day that they are or let ’em “click” to get to another of the billions of blogs on the WWW and cry like whimpering puppies at anything they deem to be a turd in their punch bowl.

I may scribble something a “little colorful” on these pages, but it’s intended to generate the thinking process not to offend anyone. Except the Fwench and the radical homos in the Bay Area. Please understand that I am not a Francophobe (look it up, Dumbass), I actually like some Fwench stuff. Like their fries. And French Canadians, but not the ones from Quebec. They are, generally speaking, pussies and asswipes looking down their collective nose at the English-speaking folks of Canuckistan. I have almost 1500 regular readers from Canadia (not a typo), so it’s simple math that says a handful of them are pussies. The Law of Averages, if you will. And homos are, well, homos. NTTAWWT.

I am explaining all this for a reason which I will get to in just a minute, so hang in there with me.

Blacks and Real African Americans

Speaking of colorful, I also mention the word “negro” now and again. That makes some black people, and some Liberal crackers, mad as Hell. Why? I dunno. In my 55 years, people of African heritage have been called negroes, blacks, coloreds and African Americans. They are indeed negroes and blacks but not coloreds nor, about 99% of the time, African Americans. Black is the absence of color, so that blows “coloreds” all to Hell. Numberswise, there are very few African Americans in this country. 99% (hyperbole) of blacks, or AAs  as conjured up by politically correct sissies (Liberals and black “victims”), are not from Africa at all. They are Americans. Just like 310.000.000 other human beans. These same PC crybabies want you to believe that all “African Americans” are people with black skin. I call bullshit. What about some guys from Egypt who are now American citizens? They are actual “African Americans”. White guys from South Africa can be “African Americans” as well. Dump the African American crap. You are either American or African, except in very few cases, not some polarizing fantasy made up by dumbasses like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton or Ted “Chappaquiddick” Kennedy. Professional race baiters, each and every damn one of them. Fuck ’em all.

This rant has already gone on too long and I haven’t even gotten to the Dumbass of the Day part yet. Therefore, for now, I won’t get to explaining Hispanics in the USA. We’ll save the Taco Benders Meskins for another day.

Please remember that I’ll make funny of anybody (except my Mom, the Pope & Billy Graham) at any time for any reason, so don’t get your knickers in a wad.

Now for Something Really Offensive


Beaver Creek Elementary School in Norcross, Georgia did something recently that offended even me. That is not easy to do. Third grade teachers at the school gave a math test to their students not long ago that would make Richard Pryor blush. And that is quite an accomplishment. A couple of the questions on the exam were more than disgusting, they were vile and demeaning. Here are two of the puke-worthy problems on the quiz, copied word for word. 1) “Each tree had 56 oranges. If 8 slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?”is that not repulsive enough? Then try this one on for size: 2) …” other questions included “calculating how many times a slave named Frederick would get beaten in a week if he average two wallops per day”. 

How does that bigoted shit grab you? After reading that tripe, I feel like I need a shower and some brain bleach. The obvious question here is who in the Hell thought this was a good idea? My guess is that today it is someone without a job at the Norcross School District. Good riddance to bad rubbish and I apologize to good rubbish all over the Planet for comparing it to these cretins.

Cracker Crumbs 

I just took a look at the membership page of the Gwinnett County (Norcross included) School Board. Guess what? Each of the board’s five members is a white person. Three of them women!  I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but I have a relevant question for the Five Whiteys. What the fuck have you been smoking? I want some! Now! My assumption is that the State Education dumbasses are to blame for this catastrophe, but that still doesn’t acquit the County Crackers of all complicity. At least one of them or a member of his/her staff must have at least thumbed through this math book. Whoever at the State level that is responsible for the distribution of this textbook that every 3rd Grader in the county, maybe even the entire State(!), will learn from, should be lined up, blindfolded, given a last cigarette (even if he/she doesn’t smoke) and summarily shot at sunrise! I’m just joshin’ about the smoke and the blindfold, but the lined up and summarily shot part I stand by. OK, not really. But, the dumbass should be standin’ in the welfare line post haste.

Get Mad at Somebody Else

Remember Chapter 2 way up ^^^^^^^^^^ there? Good. Don’t you ever, and I mean ever accuse me of crossing “The Line” about anything I write on this blog. You Liberals and Professional Victims turn your wrath, anger and butthurtedness to things that are truly despicable, like the dickweeds who let the “Negro” Math Book make its way into the class rooms of Georgia third graders. They crossed several lines, none of them good,  when that happened.

I have come up with a much more appropriate question that could take the place of one of the ugly ones on the math test. How does this one grab ya? The test could contain “questions [that] included calculating how many times a slave School Board member named Frederick  Chairman David would get beaten in a week if he average two wallops per day.” Not enough if you ask me.

Bigots and…..

…..Dumbasses.

Georgia Town Bans Pants That Show Ass!

No More Exposed Asses!

Today is gonna b a wild day here at the Dumbass Dome, so I went down stairs and rumaged mtyway around the Dumbass Dungeon and came up with Good Ole Goodern for you today. I’ll make an effort to put up a new post later so until then, go out and make it a Dumbass Day!

I have found a town where I would like to raise my family should the need arise. Jonesboro, Georgia. Why? Because of its Southern charm? no. The laid back life in Jonesboro? Nope. Its proximity to Atlanta? Never been to Hotlanta and don’t want to go. I love Jonesboro, Georgia because they have done something few cities across this country have the balls to do. They have banned saggy pants!

This has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time. Our young people today have been exposed to a bunch of punks and dumbasses (I am looking squarely at you, rappers) and their parents have fallen asleep at the wheel when it comes to common sense regarding their kids’ choice of wardrobe these days. Dumbasses. Nobody wants to see your ass or drawers in public, ya little goofballs. I mean this ain’t young men imitating Elvis or the Beatles by growing sideburns or longer hair. We’re talking a public display of rear ends and underwear here. Pull your damn pants up! If you want to show your butts and Fruit of the Looms in public, go to San Francisco. After a couple of days there, you’ll buy a chain and a padlock to keep your pants up. Don’t believe me? Take a look at what happens at the Folsom Street Fair in San Fransissy. Warning! Not safe for work or Children! Those guys would love to see your ass on public display. I don’t.

I’d like to personally thank the City leaders of Jonesboro for doing what so many Local leaders of cities all over the US are too scared or unwilling to do. Pussies. It’s comforting to know that somebody somewhere still cares about decency and good manners and teaching our children that “if it feels good, do it” is a fucked up way to go through life. “But, Toby”, you say, “all the other kids do it!”. I don’t give a shit if the Pope does it, it still ain’t right! It doesn’t make you look like a tough guy or real cool, it makes you look like a fucking idiot. And for you parents…get a grip on your kids! Bust some ass if you have to, ground them or take away their car keys, whatever it takes to get them to look respectable in public. You are the final arbiter in situations like this. Use some parental authority and use it til the kids puke. They are your responsibility until they turn 18. At 18 if they wanna dress like Kanye West, fine. Until then, tell them to quit dressing like a bunch of dipshit rappers that promote sex like it was chocolate and who denegrate women like they were the King’s concubines. Fuck the rappers. Man (or woman) up!

Dumbasses.