Category: Germany

Love Thy Neighbor – 72 Times! Best of Dumbass News

Neighbors. You can’t live without ’em and you can’t shoot ’em.

I have been thinking about the virtues and vices of having neighbors over the last week or so. Why? I’ll tell you why.

There’s a lady and her 12 year old son who have lived next door to us for two years. Two years to the day as a matter of fact. They are good neighbors. The lady is very nice, if shy and the boy is a good, respectful kid. My family and I like them a lot. But, today they are moving. It’s kind of sad really.

My wife is a great cook and she’s forever in the kitchen coming up with something delicious for us and our neighbors. For example, last summer we had an outstanding little garden in which we grew a ton of mondo, and I mean mondo, zoo-keeny. Heather, Mrs. Fearless Leader, made several batches of zoo-keeny bread and shared it with many, if not all, of the neighbors that live in our building. The Lady and the Kid Next Door were no exception. In return, the lady next door would, on occasion, do something nice for us in return. just like it should be.

I wish them luck and happiness in their new home. They were good neighbors and we’ll miss them.

Having said all that, there’s a guy in Stuttgart, Germany that has to be The Best Neighbor in the History of Mankind, or for brevity’s sake, TBNITHOM. Even better, let’s just call him TBN for The Best Neighbor.

The Best Neighbor Wants a Little Best Neighbor

The Best Neighbor and his wife, a former Supermodel, were trying like crazy to make a baby. I’m sure the guys reading this are thinking….well, I’d rather not write what that bunch of Dumbass perverts is thinking, but I will tell you guys this: It. Gets. Better. Much. Better!

As Fate would have it, TBN was shooting blanks, if you know what I mean and I think you do, and was unable to father a child. I think it’s safe to say, however, that he must have had a helluva time trying. But, I digress.

It was then that TBN came up with a plan.

The Plan

Since The Best Neighbor’s Little Swimmers don’t make it to the “end of the pool”, he came up with what he thought was a brilliant idea. He had a neighbor, whom we’ll call “The Guy”, who looked enough like TBN to have been his brother. And The Guy had kids. This means his Little Swimmers were able to finish the race. Or so everyone thought.

This is where The Idea comes into play. TBN’s scheme? Give The Guy $2500 to impregnate TBN’s Hotter than a $2 Pistol Sex Bomb of a Wife! Being a good neighbor willing to donate his sperm for a friend by depositing it in the appropriate manner into Mrs. TBN, The Guy took the two point five large and boinked Mrs. TBN. Seventy-two times! But still no baby.

Something was amiss.

What Was Amiss

It was at this point that The Best Neighbor in the History of Mankind became, shall we say, “irritated”? No, we shall not. “Pissed off” is more like it. After six dozen times of layin’ The Hammer to Mrs. TBN and no with no baby to show for all this horizontal hula-ing, TBN sent The Guy to a doctor to make sure everything was OK with his male ejaculate.

Guess what?

The Guy was sterile, too! Blanks! No baby-making Little Swimmers! And he knew it!

Now this new bit of information brings up quite the dilemma.

The Dilemma

Even though The Guy knew that he was infertile at the moment, he took $2500 from TBN knowing that he couldn’t produce a kid for the couple and he porked her anyway? Seventy-two times?! I smell a rat here.

But The Rat, also known as The Guy was about to get his comeuppance.

Remember earlier when I said that The Guy had some kids? It turns out The Guy thought he had some kids! Mrs. The Guy fessed up that the kids weren’t his! He was shootin’ blanks back then too! Ain’t that a swift kick in the No Baby Makin’ Gazebos?

It ain’t over yet, folks.

More Neighborly Love

Feeling that he had been defrauded, The Best Neighbor filed suit against The Guy trying to get back his 25 hundred bucks. TBN’s argument is obvious in this case. The Guy argues that he didn’t say he could produce a baby, but that he would try to get Mrs. TBN knocked up. And, boy did he try. Seventy-stinkin’-two times.

It must have been an awful ordeal to endure. You know, plowing, and getting paid to do it, a woman that looks like Mrs. TBN over seventy times ain’t as easy as it would seem.The poor The Guy. He’ll have to live with the image of bumpin’ uglies with a a former Supermodel for the rest of his life! Oh, yeah and getting twenty-five Big Ones to do it.

Alas, The Best Neighbor in the History of Mankind is still without a child. And he’s out a shit load of cash. And he willingly let The Guy screw his wife. Seventy-two times.

Dumbass.

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Sterile Man Pays Neighbor to Boink Wife!

Best of “Dumbass News”

Mrs. TBN

 Neighbors. You can’t live without ’em and you can’t shoot ’em.

I have been thinking about the virtues and vices of having neighbors over the last week or so. Why? I’ll tell you why.

There’s a lady and her 12 year old son who have lived next door to us for two years. Two years to the day as a matter of fact. They are good neighbors. The lady is very nice, if shy and the boy is a good, respectful kid. My family and I like them a lot. But, today they are moving. It’s kind of sad really.

My wife is a great cook and she’s forever in the kitchen coming up with something delicious for us and our neighbors. For example, last summer we had an outstanding little garden in which we grew a ton of mondo, and I mean mondo, zoo-keeny. Heather, Mrs. Fearless Leader, made several batches of zoo-keeny bread and shared it with many, if not all, of the neighbors that live in our building. The Lady and the Kid Next Door were no exception. In return, the lady next door would, on occasion, do something nice for us in return. just like it should be.

I wish them luck and happiness in their new home. They were good neighbors and we’ll miss them.

Having said all that, there’s a guy in Stuttgart, Germany that has to be The Best Neighbor in the History of Mankind, or for brevity’s sake, TBNITHOM. Even better, let’s just call him TBN for The Best Neighbor.

The Best Neighbor Wants a Little Best Neighbor

The Best Neighbor and his wife, a former Supermodel, were trying like crazy to make a baby. I’m sure the guys reading this are thinking….well, I’d rather not write what that bunch of Dumbass perverts is thinking, but I will tell you guys this: It. Gets. Better. Much. Better!

As Fate would have it, TBN was shooting blanks, if you know what I mean and I think you do, and was unable to father a child. I think it’s safe to say, however, that he must have had a helluva time trying. But, I digress.

It was then that TBN came up with a plan.

The Plan

Since The Best Neighbor’s Little Swimmers don’t make it to the “end of the pool”, he came up with what he thought was a brilliant idea. He had a neighbor, whom we’ll call “The Guy”, who looked enough like TBN to have been his brother. And The Guy had kids. This means his Little Swimmers were able to finish the race. Or so everyone thought.

This is where The Idea comes into play. TBN’s scheme? Give The Guy $2500 to impregnate TBN’s Hotter than a $2 Pistol Sex Bomb of a Wife! Being a good neighbor willing to donate his sperm for a friend by depositing it in the appropriate manner into Mrs. TBN, The Guy took the two point five large and boinked Mrs. TBN. Seventy-two times! But still no baby.

Something was amiss.

What Was Amiss

It was at this point that The Best Neighbor in the History of Mankind became, shall we say, “irritated”? No, we shall not. “Pissed off” is more like it. After six dozen times of layin’ The Hammer to Mrs. TBN and no with no baby to show for all this horizontal hula-ing, TBN sent The Guy to a doctor to make sure everything was OK with his male ejaculate.

Guess what?

The Guy was sterile, too! Blanks! No baby-making Little Swimmers! And he knew it!

Now this new bit of information brings up quite the dilemma.

The Dilemma

Even though The Guy knew that he was infertile at the moment, he took $2500 from TBN knowing that he couldn’t produce a kid for the couple and he porked her anyway? Seventy-two times?! I smell a rat here.


But The Rat, also known as The Guy was about to get his comeuppance.

Remember earlier when I said that The Guy had some kids? It turns out The Guy thought he had some kids! Mrs. The Guy fessed up that the kids weren’t his! He was shootin’ blanks back then too! Ain’t that a swift kick in the No Baby Makin’ Gazebos?

It ain’t over yet, folks.

More Neighborly Love

Feeling that he had been defrauded, The Best Neighbor filed suit against The Guy trying to get back his 25 hundred bucks. TBN’s argument is obvious in this case. The Guy argues that he didn’t say he could produce a baby, but that he would try to get Mrs. TBN knocked up. And, boy did he try. Seventy-stinkin’-two times.

It must have been an awful ordeal to endure. You know, plowing, and getting paid to do it, a woman that looks like Mrs. TBN over seventy times ain’t as easy as it would seem.The poor The Guy. He’ll have to live with the image of bumpin’ uglies with a a former Supermodel for the rest of his life! Oh, yeah and getting twenty-five Big Ones to do it.

Alas, The Best Neighbor in the History of Mankind is still without a child. And he’s out a shit load of cash. And he willingly let The Guy screw his wife. Seventy-two times.

Dumbass.

Dumbass Pays to Have Wife Knocked Up! By His Neighbor!

Neighbors. You can’t live without ’em and you can’t shoot ’em.

I have been thinking about the virtues and vices of having neighbors over the last week or so. Why? I’ll tell you why.

There’s a lady and her 12 year old son who have lived next door to us for two years. Two years to the day as a matter of fact. They are good neighbors. The lady is very nice, if shy and the boy is a good, respectful kid. My family and I like them a lot. But, today they are moving. It’s kind of sad really.

My wife is a great cook and she’s forever in the kitchen coming up with something delicious for us and our neighbors. For example, last summer we had an outstanding little garden in which we grew a ton of mondo, and I mean mondo, zoo-keeny. Heather, Mrs. Fearless Leader, made several batches of zoo-keeny bread and shared it with many, if not all, of the neighbors that live in our building. The Lady and the Kid Next Door were no exception. In return, the lady next door would, on occasion, do something nice for us in return. just like it should be.

I wish them luck and happiness in their new home. They were good neighbors and we’ll miss them.

Having said all that, there’s a guy in Stuttgart, Germany that has to be The Best Neighbor in the History of Mankind, or for brevity’s sake, TBNITHOM. Even better, let’s just call him TBN for The Best Neighbor.

The Best Neighbor Wants a Little Best Neighbor

The Best Neighbor and his wife, a former Supermodel, were trying like crazy to make a baby. I’m sure the guys reading this are thinking….well, I’d rather not write what that bunch of Dumbass perverts is thinking, but I will tell you guys this: It. Gets. Better. Much. Better!

Mrs. TBN

As Fate would have it, TBN was shooting blanks, if you know what I mean and I think you do, and was unable to father a child. I think it’s safe to say, however, that he must have had a helluva time trying. But, I digress.

It was then that TBN came up with a plan.

The Plan

Since The Best Neighbor’s Little Swimmers don’t make it to the “end of the pool”, he came up with what he thought was a brilliant idea. He had a neighbor, whom we’ll call “The Guy”, who looked enough like TBN to have been his brother. And The Guy had kids. This means his Little Swimmers were able to finish the race. Or so everyone thought.

This is where The Idea comes into play. TBN’s scheme? Give The Guy $2500 to impregnate TBN’s Hotter than a $2 Pistol Sex Bomb of a Wife! Being a good neighbor willing to donate his sperm for a friend by depositing it in the appropriate manner into Mrs. TBN, The Guy took the two point five large and boinked Mrs. TBN. Seventy-two times! But still no baby.

Something was amiss.

What Was Amiss

It was at this point that The Best Neighbor in the History of Mankind became, shall we say, “irritated”? No, we shall not. “Pissed off” is more like it. After six dozen times of layin’ The Hammer to Mrs. TBN and no with no baby to show for all this horizontal hula-ing, TBN sent The Guy to a doctor to make sure everything was OK with his male ejaculate.

Guess what?

The Guy was sterile, too! Blanks! No baby-making Little Swimmers! And he knew it!

Now this new bit of information brings up quite the dilemma.

The Dilemma

Even though The Guy knew that he was infertile at the moment, he took $2500 from TBN knowing that he couldn’t produce a kid for the couple and he porked her anyway? Seventy-two times?! I smell a rat here.

But The Rat, also known as The Guy was about to get his comeuppance.

Remember earlier when I said that The Guy had some kids? It turns out The Guy thought he had some kids! Mrs. The Guy fessed up that the kids weren’t his! He was shootin’ blanks back then too! Ain’t that a swift kick in the No Baby Makin’ Gazebos?

It ain’t over yet, folks.

More Neighborly Love

Feeling that he had been defrauded, The Best Neighbor filed suit against The Guy trying to get back his 25 hundred bucks. TBN’s argument is obvious in this case. The Guy argues that he didn’t say he could produce a baby, but that he would try to get Mrs. TBN knocked up. And, boy did he try. Seventy-stinkin’-two times.

It must have been an awful ordeal to endure. You know, plowing, and getting paid to do it, a woman that looks like Mrs. TBN over seventy times ain’t as easy as it would seem.The poor The Guy. He’ll have to live with the image of bumpin’ uglies with a a former Supermodel for the rest of his life! Oh, yeah and getting twenty-five Big Ones to do it.

Alas, The Best Neighbor in the History of Mankind is still without a child. And he’s out a shit load of cash. And he willingly let The Guy screw his wife. Seventy-two times.

Dumbass.

Foie Gras Creates International Incident!

War Over Foie Gras?

If there’s one thing that pisses me off more than a bunch of tree huggers, it’s the animals’ rights dumbasses. Look, I love animals…mostly with mustard. But I digress. Seriously, I am against the mistreatment of any animal of any shape, species or national origin for any reason. Anyone found guilty of neglecting or otherwise causing unnecessary discomfort to am animal is deserving of punishment to the fullest extent of the law.

Having said that, I am also a carnivore. I love a medium rare steak, a big fat juicy cheeseburger, a deep fried catfish filet or a little Southern Fried yardbird (chicken) whenever the mood hits me. So when a bunch of “save the animals” dumbasses start breathing my air, I have a major problem. Even the people of France (of all places!) have their limits in regard to “animal rights”. Especially when it comes to foie gras. The French will wave the white flag in a war faster than a fat kid sucks down a Happy Meal, but do not jack with their goose (or duck) liver. They get real mean. Almost mean enough to say sacre bleu! For example…

Some food festival in Germany has banned foie gras from its gathering. You got it. The Germans gave in to the “animal rights” pussies. The groups said “the dish involves cruelty to animals because it comes from ducks or geese that have been force-fed to bloat their livers.” Boo fucking hoo. Now the French are so mad that French women have threatened to shave their armpits. This is serious business to the Frogs. I have eaten foie gras before and personally I’d rather be force fed a broken Budweiser bottle than to eat that shit again, but we are talking about the French here, so what else would you expect from them?

As hard as it is to admit, the Germans are being bigger dumbasses than the French in this instance. Giving in to a bunch of unshowered dickweeds like the “animal rights” assholes is more disgusting than the foie gras itself. I, therefore, call on my German brothers (and sisters) the recant their decision and serve the damn liver at the the food fest! You have
given up a piece of your Liberty  to a group of fascist dumbasses who would rather force you to capitulate to their misguided demands than to allow you to make a choice for yourself. We (the USA) kicked your asses in two world wars and saved the French from speaking German each time, so DO NOT force us to send in the Marines so that the Frogs can eat their fucking goose liver. It won’t be a pretty sight. So mach schnell, dumkopfs. get with the liver and eat the “animal rights” dip shits instead!

Dumbasses.