|Hazelwood.Mo. hates These|
If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that when I start off a post with words similar to “St. Louis is a great city (here comes the all-powerful three letter word that let’s you that somebody is about to get scorched) but…To be fair, St. Louis is a great city. It’s not St. Louis that I have a problem with. It’s a St. Louis suburb named Hazelwood and the Girl Scout-hating, anti-American Commie bastards that run the town that have me pissed off. Allow me to further elucidate. For some of those of you who live in this Commie-run enclave, that means “let me splain”.
Now before the fine citizens of Hazelwood start an anti-Dumbass campaign, let me state that my complaint doesn’t lie with the hard working, anti-Commie-bastard people of your lovely burg, but with the dumbasses that run the city. My problem is this; dipshit city officials have seen fit to interfere with one of the greatest of American traditions, the selling of Girl Scout Cookies. These dumbasses have a severe case of cranio-rectal inversion, or as they call it in St. Louis, the old head up their asses trick.
Here’s the deal; these two young ladies are Girl Scouts. Part of being a Girl Scout, as you know, is selling Girl Scout Cookies each year. These two particular girls have been selling their cookies from a stand in their driveway for at least five years. Evidently, this cookie stand runs afoul of city ordinances prohibiting such heinous activities as selling Girl Scout Cookies. The city, as is their right, warned the girls and their mother to cease and desist selling the cookies from their driveway. To be fair to the city, this is not the first warning that they had issued to the family. Why another one? A spokesdumbass for the city of Hazelwood “said the city sent Mills (the Mom) an infraction notice after a neighbor complained to the city that the cookie booth had caused excessive dog barking and unusually high traffic volume on the street when customers stopped or parked to buy cookies.” Well alrighty then. Two things here. I can’t tell you how many times young ladies selling Girl Scout Cookies in their driveway has caused a dramatic, nay, unbearable increase in dog barking in their respective neighborhoods during cookie selling season. I think this phenomenon was proven by the same dumbasses that have settled the science on man made global warming. In other words, what a load! If, and that’s a big if, this were the case, then the dumbass anti-Girl Scout Commie neighbor who complained can, oh, I don’t know, put your damn dog in the house when the cookie stand is open! Asshole. Or, alternatively, the dumbass neighbor can stuff his dog up his sphincter. But that would be animal cruelty, so it’s not an option. On the other hand, I’ll be more than happy to send the girls the money for a box of Girl Scout Cookies, which can be shoved up the dumbass neighbor’s anal passage. The second solution to this community menace is a felony, so I’ll just keep that idea to myself.
Now that there has been some blowback aimed at the city of Hazelwood, those dumbasses are backpedaling faster than Deion Sanders in man-to-man coverage. Again, here’s the poor schlub who gets thrown to the wolves as city spokesman, “any plans to change the city code would have to be considered by the Hazelwood City Council.“There’s always room for re-evaluation,” he said. “We want people to realize the city of Hazelwood strongly supports the Girl Scouts of America and the ideals it stands for.” Oh, yeah. The support the city has shown the Girl Scouts is just oozing from City Hall. Just curious, I wonder how many boxes of Girl Scout Cookies the City Council bought this year? Just askin’.
To those of you who disagree with me, I law is a law, but that still doesn’t make it right. If so, does the dumbass Commie neighbor who complained to the city bitch and moan when there is a garage sale on that street? Doubtful. I know the city ain’t gonna go out of its way to look like the assholes they are, they (the city) get the revenue from the permits needed to hold a garage sale in Hazelwood, and I’m certain that they will find a good way to waste it. My point is this. Selling Girl Scout Cookies only happens for a few weeks a year and it is the MAJOR fund raiser for the group. The City of Hazelwood honchos should amend the law to where the Girl Scouts can do their thing a few weeks a year and the dumbass anti-Girl Scout Commie neighbor can still shove it up his ass. I am telling you now that there is no way in hell that the city wins a PR war with the Girl Scouts. Dumbasses. And that, my friends, is the way the Girl Scout Cookie crumbles.
(Hat tip to Columbia Daily Tribune & Heather the Wife)