|Protect Your Gnocchi at All Costs|
I like to cook. I really do. I am not a trained chef or anything like that, I just kinda cook “by ear” as it were. And believe me, my ears get hot! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here all week! This blog is called Dumbass News, not Readers Digest, what do you expect? Robin Williams? But I digress. Anyway, I like to cook. I have no formal training, other than being a bachelor for so many years before I met Heather. I’m the type of cook who checks out the cupboards to see what I have on hand and start bouncing ideas around in my head. What I cook may be somewhat “non-traditional”, but the vast majority of the time , it turns out good. I must admit, though, that if I ever got a show on Food Network, it would be named something like Cooking Your Way to a Heart Attack or some such. My last meal, given a choice, would be a big ass T-bone, medium rare, baked potato with sour cream, a tub of butter (real butter) chives, real bacon bits and cheese plus a couple of big, fat, juicy ears of sweet corn with a side of a gallon of butter. That would be my last meal. That or a Triple Baconator and large fries from Wendy’s along with a chocolate shake.
I bring all this cooking stuff up today because I saw a video earlier this morning with some wimpy little dumbass making gnocchi. The dumbass is such a frakkin sissy because the oil he was cooking the gnocchi in got too hot and popped around like oil that’s too hot does, especially when you deep fried something! What a fookin’ pansy. Despite the fact that the dumbass cooking the gnocchi is a dipshit, I must admit that about half way through the video (it’s a little less than 3 minutes long), Pansy Boy goes ape shit (in a funny way) when the gnocchi transform into an IED. I hope no bad guys watch this video. The security of this country could be in grave danger if they do. I’d hate to have to kill a man for carrying a loaded gnocchi, but I’ll do whatever it takes to protect my family from the evil bastards. On the other hand, the dumbasses are doing me a favor by trying kill me and my family with exploding gnocchi. I won’t have to call for pizza delivery.
Watch the video and take notes on how you can best protect your loved ones in case of an exploding gnocchi attack. And remember this: when gnocchi are outlawed, only outlaws will have gnocchi. One more thought-provoking moral to the Dumbass with the splodin’ gnocchi – they can have my gnocchi when they pry it from my cold, dead hands. Dumbasses.