I promise you that I did not plan on this week being Strange Ways to Die Week. It just turned out that way for some weird reason.
Earlier, I wrote about a guy dressed in a ghillie suit at night setting up a Bigfoot hoax on the highway and getting creamed by a Toyota. He did not come down for breakfast.
|Bad Ass Ass|
Now some poor soul down in South Texas has been killed at the hands (hooves?) of his pet donkey! This guy wasn’t just some Dumbass who was trying to schtoop an ass or something, he was the well-respected Mayor of Hollywood Park, Texas.
Here’s the story from woai.com in San Antonio: “The Atascosa County Sheriff’s Office said Wednesday that the death of Hollywood Park Mayor William “Bill” Bohlke appears to be an accident. Bohlke was 65.
Chief Deputy David Soward says Bohlke apparently was attacked Monday morning by a male, aggressive donkey he kept on the ranch.
Investigators say the donkey and several others are still on the property with other livestock.
“He loved his animals. He loved ranching,” said Sandra Wilson.
According to the neighbor, Bohlke’s wife was concerned when he didn’t return to Hollywood Park after checking on his animals.
After dark, Wilson said several neighbors, jumped on all terrain vehicles and went looking for the Air Force veteran.
They found his truck still running hours after he was attacked.”
Calls for Ass Control
It’s difficult for me to poke fun at a guy who gets killed by a donkey apparently aggressive because of a female in heat, but getting sent to your reward by an ass looking for some female ass is not something you read about every day. Unless you live in Guatemala or some shit. Death by Donkey down there has seen a dramatic increase in recent years brought on by Global Warming-caused ass horniness. Why, animal rights pussies are even calling for ass control in many regions of Central America.
Screwing a donkey in Iran on the other hand is called “Tuesday night” by the rag heads over there.
OK, I confess. I made that part up. Except for the rag heads fucking donkeys in Iran. That shit really happens.
For now, at least ass control is off the table in Guatemala and other countries in the region. That all will change, however, when Juan Valdez is stomped into the Afterlife by that stupid burro he totes around the coffee plantation in Colombia. mark my words.
In the Meantime…
What’s a Fearless Leader to do when some guy is randomly attacked an killed by a horny donkey? Make fun of the poor bastard?
Not this time.
I can however eviscerate the donkey.
What in the name of all that is Holy would cause a donkey, a pet donkey no less(!), to attack a human being? Are donkeys stoopid enough to think that a man would steal his female ass from him? Oh, wait. I just remembered Iranian donkey humping. This activity must have made its way around the worldwide donkey community, thus contributing to this erratic donkey behavior. Donkeys are devious that way. And so are horny Iranians.
What a bunch of asses.
Illegal immigration is a major problem in this country right now and both sides of the political divide rail on about what ever their side believes on this very important issue.
When we think of illegal aliens in the United States, we generally think of Meskins, Guatemalans, Hondurans and all the Latin American people south of the border. regardless of your stance on the argument. Oh, yeah, we think of a lot of guys named Muhammad and Abdul also, but only because so many of them want to blow us to smithereens. The Meskins, et al, generally speaking, are simply looking for a better life for their families and are eager to get into Los Estados Unidos by any means possible, including being smuggled into the country in jam packed vans and 18 wheelers, risking life and limb. However, illegal is illegal, no matter one’s intentions, so I do not condone smuggling or assisting any foreign national in getting into the USA by any other than lawful means.
Canadians, on the other hand, ain’t exactly beating down the border trying to get here, but when they do so, they do so in style.
Permtiame explicar. A little Meskin lingo there that roughly translates as “let me splain”.
Playboy Playmate, Human Smuggler
You gotta admit that a mighty fine way to commit a felony by attempting to enter the USA illegally would involve a Playboy Playmate. i wouldn’t know for sure as I am an American citizen, but I do know that it would certainly beat the hell out of swimming across the Rio Grande or riding in an oven of an 18 wheeler to get here.
This scenario actually took place.
A Wacky Canadian Guy, WCG, wanted to get into the US real bad. His girlfriend wanted to get him here real bad. WCG’s woman is a Playboy Playmate! Were I younger and unattached and a Canuck, sneaking across the border with a Playmate would be a grand idea. I am not a large person, so there would be all kinds of nifty hiding places on a Playmate for a guy my size. I won’t elaborate as some things are better left unsaid for fear of paying child support and alimony.
My lips are sealed.
The Playboy Chick is Colleen Shannon, who appeared in the 50th Anniversary Edition of Playboy in 2004, so this is not a homely woman. Why an intelligent, patriotic young woman (smell the sarcasm I am cookin’ here?) want to smuggle a Canadian into the United States for Gawd’s sake? All the dude had to was get a few papers in order with the Immigration Department Dumbasses and he could have come on over without a problem. Does he think he’s Meskin or something? Or how about, you know, marrying the Playboy Playmate you fucking moron! There are worse ways to go through life than to spend it with a semi-hooker, prolly-Lesbian hot fucking tamale.
But hell no! These two Einsteins went the illegal route and now face up to ten years in prison for their misdeeds.
On the bright side, Colleen could always film a few “Prison Hooker in Chains ” movies to keep her fans’ “attention” while she’s in the Slammer. I’m just sayin’. And writin’ movie scripts.
On the flip side, I am sure that there are some very nice Canuckistani Playmates cavorting about the night clubs of Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver. can’t you just start porking one of them instead of the American bimbo? I am also pretty sure than there are some red blooded American dudes who would love to be smuggled into the Great White North in some Playmate’s cleavage.
Collen,the next time you feel the need to deal in human trafficking, do it the old fashioned way – in a 53 foot trailer loaded with hockey pucks or moose innards.
Like the Meskins do.