In keeping with our tradition of trashy trollops (OK enough with the alliteration), we once again present to you a story of prostitution. This time with a twist.
Bitch at the Beach
It should come as no surprise that an ocean front town would be a likely locale for hookers. Old Orchard Beach, Maine (about 70 miles south of where I am sitting) is no exception. OOB is a touristy kind of town with people coming from all over Northern New England to enjoy the ocean and other seaside amenities. And by “seaside amenities” I of course mean whores.
Take Scott Pipher for example.
Scott made it all the way to Old Orchard beach from Portsmouth, New Hampshire. After enjoying the brisk waters of the Gulf of Maine, Scott decided it was time for some of the seaside amenities he had heard of. So, he set out to find a hooker.
He found one.
10 Minutes Short
Police say a man called them to complain a prostitute hadn’t given him his money’s worth – so they arrested him.
Police say New Hampshire resident Scott Pipher was arrested this week. The 34-year-old is charged with engaging a prostitute.
Old Orchard Beach, Maine, police say Pipher called them to complain a woman he’d hired “shorted him by 10 minutes.”
Police say their investigation also led to the arrests of two women believed to be prostitutes contacted by Pipher through a website.
Now I am not familiar with the unwritten Rules of Being a Slut, but being a man with an alphabet soup variety of mental illnesses, I do know that a visit to the Crazy People Doctor is supposed to be an hour long but is usually only about 45 minutes in length. Maybe similar rules apply to whores – you pay for an hour, you get 50 minutes. To put it into more of a hooker context, you pay for “around the world”, you get a “trip across town”.
I’ll go out on a limb here and suggest that even if you were “short changed” by a slut, calling the local constabulary to file a complaint is probably not the best idea of the day. You’d have far better luck in lodging your gripe with the area Hookers Union. Or, possibly, a nice pimp will listen to your tale of woe and hunt the bitch down and express his extreme displeasure about the way she does bidness and encourage the young lady to make good on the 10 minutes or happily refund 1/6 of the price you paid the broad to contract a sexually transmitted disease from her in the first place. (Math Note: 10 minutes = 1/6 of an hour, thus the refund of 1/6 the agreed upon price)
Then again, you could:
- Accept the fact that you were ripped off by a whore, leave it at that and move on. Lesson learned.
- Deal only with hookers who carry the union label.
- Look in the Yellow Pages for prostitutes who are members in good standing (or laying as the case may be) of the Better Bidness Bureau.
- Not spend your hard earned money to have sex with a crack ho.
- Find a more reputable hooker.
- Slap the monkey.
- Find more wholesome “seaside amenities” to blow (pun intended) your cash on.