|Makes You Hungry Just Lookin’ at It|
What would such a splendor of an Award Ceremony such as The Dummies be without a category that features dumbasses and pot? Nothing, I say! Fraudulent! fake! Cheap! Well, OK, I’ll give you “cheap”, maybe even “fraudulent” on the right day, but still nothing!
Several posts about dumbasses and the herb superb have made it past the High Sheriffs at Blogger.com in the past year and have gone on to be some of the most-read entries of All Time. Therefore, I find it only fitting that we include a “dumbass and pot” selection to this year’s Dummies.
Aaaaaaand the nominees for Best Performance By a Stoned Dumbass are…
A Guy Named Gus, His Ducks and Pot – The popularity of this post took me by surprise. But then again, it’s about a French guy whose name ain’t really Gus, but some pussy French name like Claude or Michele, who raises ducks and feeds them le weed as the French say. Without giving away the whole story, the pussified Fwench (not a typo) policie (another pussy fwench word) respond to a shit load of pot Gus has been feeding his ducks by saying, “We have nev-ere seen sooch a ting before”. Les dipshits.
Homeless Dumbass, His
Condo Truck and a Stoned Car Thief – How is it that homeless guys, God bless ’em, are always in the middle of some stoopid shit? Even the nice, “upper crust” homeless guys like the victim in this story. Oh, yeah, the bad guy in this episode is in possession of (you guessed it!) marijuana!
How to Lose $425 Large Worth of Pot in One Easy Lesson – This one of the stoopidest things I have ever heard of. And that’s saying a lot. Long story short; dumbasses with 425 large worth of pot get carjacked. call cops. Dumbassery and possible homicide ensue.
The stoned morons in this category are such dumb fucks that they warrant an extra nomination for a Dummy in this category.
Truck Full of Pot Wrecks; Weed Stolen by Passersby! – Yup. It happened. In California. Go figger.
Wrangling up a “winner” from this group was a very touch chore. But, I did it. And the “winner” of The Dummy is……
Gus and his stoned ducks! If it tweaks the Fwench, I am all for it.
When it’s a slow Dumbass News Day, I can always fall back on certain places where dumbasses thrive, must to the chagrin of local residents. In order, my go-to for a dumbass places are California (beautiful state overrun by dumbasses), France (because they are France) and Florida (a great place with too many snow-dumbasses).
Today, I chose France as our Destination for Dumbasses because I hate to pick on Florida, it’s not Floridians’ fault for the influx of snow-dumbasses. I don’t mind picking on California, but if I keep it up for too long each of the 36 million people who live there will be in therapy all at the same time, and they’ve got enough problems without continually pointing out the dumbasses in their midst, even though it would be a lot of fun. I pick on France because those pussies deserve every pot shot thrown their way just because they are French. And they are pussies. And dumbasses. All. Of. Them.
Gus’ Duck Gets Daffy***
In some town in France whose name is way too long type over and over, but translates to We are pussies. All. Of. Us., is a guy who owns a duck farm. Being a duck farmer alone qualifies this imbecile as a dumbass, but there is more to his story that puts him in a dumbass class of one. He has a dumbass name too. Michel. I know it translates to Michael, but it also translates to I am a pussy, so I am gonna call the guy Gus. At least “Gus” doesn’t sound like a girls name. But I digress. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Gus is a duck farming dumbass. He has 150 ducks on his farm and he says it’s quite a chore to keep them all from getting worms. I suspect that is true. So, to keep his ducks wormless, Gus called in a “specialist” for advice on how to keep 150 ducks from getting worms. The “specialist” said that Gus should feed them pot. Yes pot. Marijuana. Weed. Chronic. Latin lettuce. Meskin Marlboros. It takes a lot of weed to keep 150 ducks from getting worms and Gus was up to the task of making sure there was plenty of the loco weed on hand to “de-worm” his ducks. As a matter of fact, the local gendarme, which is French for “we are the police, but we are pussies, too”, got wind (pun intended) of Gus’ magic duck de-wormer and paid him an official visit.
On his duck farm the cops found twelve pot plants and eleven pounds of bagged pot. The police were impressed by Gus’ dedication to de-worming his ducks, but not so much by his stash, to which Gus readily admitted he had smoked some of the marijuana. No shit? Dumbass. When the matter finally went to court, Gus’ lawyer told the judge, “This is for real, not one (duck) has worms and they’re all in excellent health,” said Jean Piot, Gus’ lawyer. Ya think? I told you that every damn Frenchman alive is a dumbass! This gets better.
A police representative said the incident marked “the first time we’ve heard of something like this.” Good Gawd!!! Frakkin’ dumbass!!!!! What do you expect from a country that eats duck like Americans eat McDonalds, but will not ever Southern fry a good yardbird ( that’s a chicken for the uninitiated) and serve it with smashed taters and cream gravy? This incident further proves that France is a lost cause. If the Moose Limbs don’t get ’em, the Dumbass will. Vive la France! Les dumbasses.